There is a lot of stuff on the internet, also from professionals, that basically says “narcissists are evil and will destroy you”. That isn’t necessarily true. (In fact, if you believe that, you may end up being the one sending you in a downward spiral, all by yourself!)
I suspect that narcissists often end up in similar downward spirals like the ones they tend to push other people into, with the difference being that they can’t help it, but most of the rest of us can.
So in theory, we can keep at least ourselves from going into a downward spiral, for example by refusing to engage in fights, and possibly also stop them from going into a negative spiral. The other side of that is that it may even be possible to send narcissists in a bit of an upward spiral.
Today, YouTube popped a video into my “suggestions” that I like because this psychotherapist takes a very realistic yet humorous approach and does not push this persistent idea that people with narcissistic personality disorder “are evil and out to destroy you”. Yes, they can “destroy” you, but only if you let them (or maybe if your circumstances are very limited and limiting in practical ways, which can put you at their mercy).
What is also good about this video is that it tells you not to become a “black hole” or echo well. It is very easy to fall into the trap of not saying much of anything any longer or just telling a narcissist what he or she wants to hear (pretending to be weak, stupid and off-balance) because that may even trigger more stuff and it can cost you a lot of energy. It’s also bad for your health.
With regard to fights, let’s put it this way. Their fights are like they’re constantly hitting you with verbal ping pong balls. As long as you keep hitting the ball back into their court, they will keep hitting it back increasingly fiercely. But if you resist the temptation to play and let the ping pong ball rest where it falls, or pick it up and hand it back to them calmly, then you have peace in the house.
Narcissists often have a terrific sense of humour and they can also give you lots of practical, very useful tips that can make your life a lot easier. They can also be very generous. At least, that’s been my two cents’ worth of experience.
Stay grounded. Apparently, one way of accomplishing that is to focus on your toes or feet.