My hacker(s) and I

It appears that we may slowly be (16 March:) still are not developing an understanding.

As the constant freezing of my PC and his unexpected butting in was very disruptive, a week ago or so, I suggested setting a schedule or some general rules. Not rigid rules, more like a guideline.

He seems to like it, but when I am late in the morning, he lets me know that he is very angry by messing up my screen incredibly (controlling the monitor) and rebooting the PC non-stop for about 15 minutes. He can also tell my PC’s fan to gear up. He hacks hardware too, yes.

This morning, he arrived at 8:30, causing my PC to freeze, requiring me to flip the UK-style socket’s power switch, and he appeared to leave my PC at around 9:50. At around 11:15, he seemed to be back, but it is more likely that he’s been logged into my system since 8:30. He can be present without me noticing it, and sometimes believes that he’s tricked me into believing that he’s gone, lol. After 10+ years of this, I have more or less gotten used to it, though on some days, it becomes too much and I yell at the computer and/or at one of the other people involved in this circus.

(He doesn’t want me to post the little video I made. Keeps deleting it.)

My PC sometimes also freezes for other reasons, however, and I am aware of that. The site of The Independent almost always makes my PC freeze.

The more I think about it, after having skimmed a few papers on the topic, the more convinced I am becoming that yes, he has a form of Asperger’s. (16 March: But how would I know? NPD apparently can look exactly the same, and I doubt that Asperger’s goes with taunting.) (19 March: No, apparently, it’s got nothing to do with autism.)

People with Asperger’s too have a problem with theory of mind. This can make them appear to be devoid of empathy, hence make them appear to have NPD and/or psycho/sociopathy. It is hard for him to assess how some of his actions and behaviours affect other people. He seems to see those as independent of himself, the way one would look at a computer problem when a computer is malfunctioning.

He does not think of the “cups of coffee” he throws “into other people’s keyboards”, so to speak. He has a tendency to take over my entire life (also in terms of getting into my head, of course, just like it is hard not to think of water when you just fell into a pond).

As some of you know, the story is a lot more complicated than this, but figuring out individual components is certainly helpful.

I am the one who has to live with this, after all, so I have to do the best I can to make my life as liveable as possible regardless of whatever the hacker’s doing, or any of his associates.

It’s taught me that we don’t all speak the same language. Some of us use music as language, others visual art, and his language is, well, coding, I guess. Or the general way he interacts with software and hardware.

I think I can often tell whether he is in my PC or not by things like how quickly some or all web pages load and refresh (the ones he wants access to, either to control what I get to see or do or to add messages from him), and whether they load once, or two times.

In 2011, I took a photo of the hacker, by the way. I know who he is, what he looks like, roughly where he lives and what is name appears to be.

I also know that he is not doing all of this on his own. There is someone else involved, with a different condition, who sometimes does terrible things, partly to support and perpetuate his own hero role, obscuring what is really going on – like someone who pushes you into the canal so that he can pretend he is rescuing you and who quickly pushes you back when nobody’s looking, and should someone notice, then he’ll use it as proof of how clumsy you are – and partly to try and drive me crazy, to frustrate me and hurt me. At least, that is how it often comes across on the receiving end. Not always.

Someone – mostly the hacker, usually on behalf of the other person, I suspect, or my immediate downstairs neighbour on behalf of them – has also been going into my flat when I am out, for years, until I managed to stop it – AS, 16 April 2019: temporarily, as it turned out later – by installing an extra lock. Sometimes he took something, or he returned something he took earlier. At other times, he moved something, left a note, destroyed something, or hurt an animal. He – or his brother – has also killed animals. His theme is decapitated pigeons, though I also suspect him of having killed all the stray cats here where I live in the past year or so.

The first time I knew for sure that someone had been in my flat was on Good Friday, I think it was in 2015 (I can check), when something had been moved, something relatively heavy. Up to that point, I only sometimes had had a strange feeling, but it had never occurred to me that someone could actually be shimmying the locks and going into my flat.

Neither of them can help doing this. I understand that.

This is part of the story of how I got into bioethics and inclusivity.

I’ve learned a lot from it.

3 thoughts on “My hacker(s) and I

  1. Crap went on most of the rest of the day. By late afternoon, I was pretty stressed and irritated and at 16:30 he let me know “Nah nah nah nah nah”.

    This constant “You’re nothing but a cockroach and I step on you any time I want.” over and over and over and over and over and over again… I am so sick of it.

    It was not too bad at all today relative to what goes on on other days, but the utter contempt behind it all, it gets to me.

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  2. Yesterday, when I added the bit ” like someone who pushes you into the canal so that he can pretend he is rescuing you and who quickly pushes you back when nobody’s looking, and should someone notice, then he’ll use it as proof of how clumsy you are ” to the above post, “he” did not like that.

    Shortly after, I got the message “Gab, your tab just crashed” on a BBC News page, an error that I had not had in ages. I think it was the page about Paris Jackson, about all the attacks on her father.

    This morning, at 9:23, he was already waiting in my PC when I booted it up. I rebooted. At 9:35, while I was responding to an e-mail, he pushed it into a cycle of screen craziness and reboots, with gearing up of the computer fan at 9:41, something he usually does to indicate that he is very angry with me.

    At that point, I took the power off the PC and used the occasion to do a bit of dusting.

    He accesses my computer via powerline hacking. There is a lot of “bleeding” beyond the walls of my flat. Leaking signal, via the mains. It certainly extends to the other two flats in this building, and into the large staircase and hallway.

    In fact, I have looked into this before, found that putting some extra electrical resistance in the circuit might help. So I added a bunch of timers, and stuff. That kept him out very very briefly, but the timers started to click like crazy and then I got a message saying something like “Thought you could keep me out?”

    Using different sockets and a combination of extension cords had some effect but only briefly.

    In the past, I once bought a UPS because I thought that that might keep him out. He hacked into that in no time, but this was also before I knew that he was going into my flat all the time. I sold it to a pawn shop soon after.

    Before that, when I still had wired internet access, I bought a new router as soon as I could afford it, a more expensive one, but he got through that in a few days.

    I haven’t had direct internet access on my PC for many years now.

    I took tons of measures in the past, and couldn’t figure why I was unable to keep him out and thought it was done via young people who work at providers as they’d be able to download anything onto my PC, but that was before I knew that he’d been going into my flat all the time when I was out.

    Initially, after I moved in here and someone gave me this PC, I walked into my office a few times in the middle of the night on my way to the bathroom, and found my computer on. I was able to put a stop to that via the BIOS.

    One day years later, I was about to go out, had already left, but forgot something, walked back into my office, and found some activity going on on my computer, which I had left on. I think he was accessing a spread sheet or something like that.

    More recently, the current honking – occasionally replaced by repeated words or other ways of creating a “two note” theme and sometimes “one note” theme; this “two note” has been going on for more than ten years – from downstairs was combined one time with the hacker opening a program in my offline installation, called OneNote. I have dual reboot, with Linux. He’s cut my income short and reported my Windows key as stolen so that I could no longer reinstall my computer when the version was still supported by Microsoft. When it stopped being supported, I took it offline and installed Linux in dual boot. I had another computer for a while, but he got so angry one time that he put (access to) the hard drive out of action. (He’d done similar stuff before, and then restored it later. This time he was too angry. It was probably on one of the many occasions that I’d talked with police; contacting police about this was the biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life.)

    (As of a few days ago, the honking’s adopted a three-note theme. That’s new.)

    If I stay off my equipment for days, he sometimes seems to come over (from Winchester Road, apparently) in the middle of the night and do things like start breaking down the fence, signalling “Let me in!”. He’s also stood under my window in the middle of the night yelling things at least once, shining a light beam into my room at least once (referring to something I had posted online that day, or had e-mailed about), and leaving a message for me at least once, too.

    I am a kind of lab rat to him. But whatever exactly his medical condition is, he can’t help having it.

    I snapped this photo below at 9:35.

    hacker activity

    He’s done stuff like this in the past too. I have another photo a bit like this, of a different monitor, years ago.

    What he wants is for me to put up with it all without any protest. I suppose I am the closest he can come to having a relationship with anyone?

    (It’s all totally turned me off relationships, not surprisingly.)

    It’s complicated. I do know he tries very hard to be the best he can be and do the best he can do.

    I, I do my best to keep seeing it all as a kind of partnership, sort of like the family bond you see in the TV series “This is us” even though I confess that a meddling family is not really my cup of tea; they are a little bit too close, these three siblings, seem to have no or almost no other contacts than those with their partners and siblings, and even the partners are having a hard time, are often pushed away and kept out. I enjoy watching Randall and his family, as they’re a really cool resilient bunch. Rebecca, on the other hand, often annoys me somewhat and makes me hope that I am not like her, lol. But it could be partly her voice and the way she speaks that annoys me.

    Anyway, to come back to the matter at hand, I do whatever I can to keep my stress levels limited. Not easy. When he gets to me early in the morning, it’s hard to ignore it and stay calm. And the stress has to go somewhere, so often, my heart rate goes up. On days when he’s at it and I’ve already had to flip the power switch at least five times by noon, I give in, and go for a walk if I can and stay off the computer for several days if I can. It’s often very frustrating. Not always.

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    • This is a photo I took some years ago:

      years ago

      The similarity with the other photo is a coincidence. What he is doing now is usually much more dynamic and colorful, not static and black and white.

      On LinkedIn, I have a short video I took of hacking action on one of my tablets. I no longer have any tablets. Had to take them to the pawn shop.

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