That seems to be a huge part of what it is like to live with NPD. Powerlessness, too. The inability to change what happens in your brain, that thing that determines what you behave like. Who you are.
Is that truly who you are? In a spiritual, cosmic sense?
It would be a bit like saying that snow is “bad” rain.
Rain is only rain and not snow or hail because of an external factor that rain can do nothing about. Temperature.
Shame and embarrassment.
That feeling that you will never ever be good enough. If only people knew what you were really like, eh?
Well, what you are really like is a perfectly good human being.
But you need other people’s eyes to see that for you.