It is 7:30 – in the morning – and I already have almost an hour of computer interference behind me. I am so sick of this crap!
Does this concern someone who has DID and are his “darker” alters messing with my life or am I being pestered by a dangerous psychopath? Well, how the hell would I know?
I just want my goddamn life back! I have had enough of all that extreme craziness that is considered completely normal in England, such as people stealing a stranger’s postal mail, picking the locks to a stranger’s home all the time and carrying out crap in the person’s flat while she is out and all the goddamn nonstop digital interference.
(Not to mention crap like pastors sending you on a two-hour wild-goose chase through the pouring rain in search of food that turns out not to exist. Just messing with you. Just teaching you your proper place. Just in case you had any ideas about being worth your salt. Yes, Portsmouth has a few pastors that engage in truly disgusting behaviours, in case you didn’t know that yet. You go on a course and presto, you’re a pastor, with a good salary. And everyone automatically believes that you are a good man because “He’s a pastor!”)
I want to believe that it is harmless. But it is not harmless. It’s extremely destructive and often very mean. And it is manipulative. Period.
A delivery suddenly being split into two with one item being delivered on the same day and another package of the same remaining part of a larger delivery with someone showing up on my doorstep who I can’t see because there is no light at our front door and sounding very very different when the person hands me the package than when he rang the doorbell – which is suddenly working again, after so many years of having been broken – and the person’s mutterings sounding like the mutterings left on my voice mail about a week ago and mutterings uttered to me on the phone a few times over the years, that does not constitute evidence of DID.
I would like to believe that it is DID that is going on, instead of psychopathy, because DID is a lot less worrisome to deal with, but my wishful thinking is irrelevant.
I have no idea who was at my door. Let’s face it. I have no idea. I have no idea whether it was that particular person everyone in Portsmouth claims never to have heard of. (Just like nobody in Portsmouth has ever heard of the person who lives in Winchester Road, eh.)
I continue to be manipulated from here to Tokyo and back, it looks like, doesn’t it?
Why the extreme isolation? Why isolating me so rigidly and consistently and progressively? That is not something that goes with DID.
There was a time – long ago now – when I thought that I might be dealing with someone who had DID and who was convinced that everyone else has DID too or whatever and was doing his best to bring out my non-existing alters so as to be able to “heal” me. Sigh.
But most of the time, it’s actually looked like I am dealing with an extremely manipulative and often deliberately mean person who occasionally does kind things merely to mess with my head. Let’s face it.
Because the kind things wouldn’t even be possible as such if it weren’t for the mean things that created the occasion for the kind things.
Let’s face it. I have no idea what is going on. I have no idea why I am being messed with.
But it has to stop. Period.