THIS is Portsmouth:

Portsmouth is an island-based city off the coast of South England – of slightly over 200,000 (2010 census data according to Portsmouth City Council) – in which far too many 45+ women are abused (bullied, harassed, sabotaged) and in which far too many teenage girls believe that violence and abuse in a relationship are perfectly normal.

A town in which many young women one third to half my age already consume so much alcohol to drown their bruises, misery and powerlessness that their skin looks older than mine.

A town in which it is preached over and over and over again that women are not fully fledged human beings but some kind of lesser species.

A town in which capable young women get the message at work that if they want a career for themselves, they have to get out of Portsmouth.

A town where far too many people feel utterly miserable and present as super grouchy super touchy sourpusses.

(please do keep reading)

(because, no, this is not a rant)

This is Portsmouth:

  1.  “Britains Toughest Towns, Season 1 Episode 5”IMDB. David Sumnall (director), David Sumnall (writer), Donal MacIntyre (star). 19 October 2005. Retrieved 9 September 2020.
  2. (Documentary mentioned above, part 1) (Documentary mentioned above, part 2)
  3. Cotterill, Tom (22 May 2020) “Fresh fury as more reckless gangs gather on Southsea Common ‘putting lives at risk'”Portsmouth News. Retrieved 18 June 2021.
  4. Fishwick, Ben (15 June 2021) “Southsea Common ‘public order’ incident involving 30 people sees man, 18, injured”Portsmouth News. Retrieved 18 June 2021.
  5. Fishwick, Ben (12 June 2020) “Gangs of up to 20 yobs fighting in Buckland street, riding…” Portsmouth News. Retrieved 18 June 2021.
  6. Lewis, Anna (24 June 2020) “‘They’re laughing at police’: Dispersal order in place at Southsea Common after gang of 200 teens fight, take drugs and intimidate residents”HampshireLive. Retrieved 18 June 2021.
  7. Deeks, Steve (16 September 2020) Gang with machete and knuckle duster seen fighting on…” Portsmouth News. Retrieved 18 June 2021.
  8. Cotterill, Tom (9 June 2021) Three men hurt as moped rider ploughs into group of yobs fighting on Southsea Common. Portsmouth News. Retrieved 18 June 2021.
  9. Cotterill, Tom (1 June 2021) Police plea for video footage of large fight on Southsea Common. Portsmouth News. Retrieved 18 June 2021.
  10. Turner, Emily Jessica (6 June 2021) Portsmouth boy, 15, arrested over assault following ‘fracas’ on Southsea Common. Portsmouth News. Retrieved 18 June 2021.
  11. Fishwick, Ben (25 June 2021) Dispersal order covering all Southsea Common brought in as tensions boil over into fights. Portsmouth News. Retrieved 19 June 2021.
  12. George, David (22 May 2020) Meat cleaver seized and four people arrested after ‘large’ brawl at Southsea Common. Portsmouth News. Retrieved 19 June 2021.
  13. Salkeld, Millie (19 June 2020) Southsea Common assault victim, 20, left with serious head injuries after attacker filmed stamping on her head Portsmouth News. Retrieved 19 June 2021.

By the way, Portsea Island is the island on which most of Portsmouth is based.

Where does it all come from?

Possibly, because these people feel threatened as well as powerless and have a bottled up fight or flight response. But that’s likely much too simple an answer within this context.

It may also be because these brawls are the only way in which these people can gain even the slightest sense of significance.

Because they all feel that they are no more than rat turds and because they believe that this is all they will ever be.

That is tragic.

But it is NOT MY FAULT!

I became otherised – targeted, anonymously – from the get-go after I moved there from Southampton at the start of 2009. It got increasingly worse from the beginning of 2011 and I have been stuck in what’s often been a sadistically abusive situation for years now.

(It was and still often like living in a guerrilla war zone. Yeah, I have tried to get away a few times. Of course I have!)

There is a small group – of 50 to 100 people maybe, or 20, 30? but it often feels like it’s half of Portsmouth – who apparently are pathologically obsessed with me and with controlling every aspect of my life or… trying to make me believe I am going crazy?

Or is it one or two people who are autistic, one of who is a hacker, and the others are just vicious idiots? No, I don’t think so. I don’t think that this is autism because years ago, when I posted the song “S/He drives me crazy”, the hacker responded with glee and that does not strike me as autism.

They – whoever – did try to make me believe I had some form of blood cancer, too, after all. Just one example of their extremely meddlesome strange behaviour. Other examples included repeated lock-picking, often to carry out really strange acts in my flat, and relentless hacking as well as preventing me from communicating with all sorts of people and even animal cruelty.

There is no “sorry, we had the wrong target, we mixed you up with someone else” or “sorry, we didn’t mean it” for something like that. Because unlike what I initially suspected, that there was someone with DID (or something similar) behind this, that does not quite turn out to be the case and calling cultural differences – if that is what this is – a form of neurodiversity is no excuse either in this context.

This – and and and and – it’s what my life has been like for over a decade and this is not just cyber stalking – targeting someone exclusively online – and yes, it is “just nuts”, as that District Judge put it.

She said that if she had seen something about this on TV, she was not sure she would have believed it.

Welcome to my life.

There’s been a lot more going on in my case but yes, the spirit behind it, the sentiment, appears to be exactly the same.

In my case, more sophisticated versions of elements from a local sadistic stalking case (Tracey Morgan’s) were included too, as I discovered on 2 October 2020. It’s been extremely restrictive. If, for example, you can’t leave your flat for more than an hour without risking that unknown locals pick the locks and carry out crap in your flat, you are no longer able to live your life freely. Agreed?

I probably have never spoken with about at least 90% of the people who’ve been doing this to me and if I have spoken with any of them, then it’s very likely only been at their place of work with me no more than a random stranger, a customer. Because I didn’t know anyone here in Portsmouth when I moved here from Southampton and I essentially still don’t know anyone here. I continue to claw my life back, however, regardless of what it may look like from the outside.

It’s likely that the people who do this kind of stuff suffer from similar issues as the people who are in these physical fights. They see themselves as no more than rat turds and targeting strangers is the only thing that makes them feel significant. They feel unheard, unnoticed, unseen. What they do forces people like me to be aware of their existence. (That’s an understatement.)

But, despair not, I have a solution.

For Portsmouth, I mean.


  • Effective, pleasant, therefore catalytic and relatively cheap.
  • Offer free neurofeedback sessions in Portsmouth. Make them mandatory for offenders in these brawls.
  • Because they tend have a strong positive effect, they motivate people to keep coming back. Low dropout rates.

Unfortunately, we live in a pill-based society these days, which is good for big pharma but not necessarily for everyone else.

At the moment – after over a year of lock-downs because of the pandemic – explosions of violence among the young are also expected in other parts of England, I have read. Portsmouth, however, has a peculiar culture that may exacerbate this problem. If so, that is not for me to solve.

Feel free to share your opinion below, please.

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