What the abuse of me can look like in practice

It’s included a heck of a lot of hacking, but also a great deal of lock-picking as well as animal cruelty and quite a bit more of similarly vicious shit.

I think it is all orchestrated by (apparently two?) anonymous characters who each seem to describe themselves in terms of two people driving one motor cycle, a dog in a top hat as well as an artwork of light and dark.

That became unequivocally clear in the afternoon of 18 July 2021 when it became clear that that last phone that I bought had also already gotten compromised by Cissy Lee Howard. See this post: https://angelinasouren.com/2021/07/18/here-we-go-again-10/

It seems that Cissy Lee sees women – or is it only foreign women? – as a lesser species, as dumb and silly or perhaps thinks that they all walk around half asleep or something. Cissy Lee is god. Cissy Lee is a hacker, and a sadist.

Cissy Lee lives in Portsmouth. I didn’t know that. I didn’t know Cissy Lee. But I first set eyes on Cissy Lee in Southampton, at the door to my ten-dwelling apartment building, not that long before I moved to Portsmouth. Cissy Lee was visiting one of my neighbours there and managed to get my attention.

Cissy Lee later handed me Lee as the first name and Howard as the last name (a very common last name). I don’t know if those names are correct. I have no way of knowing if those names are correct. I have added “Cissy”, which stands for something else, and because “Cissy Lee” sounds good.

I don’t hate Cissy Lee, not at all. Why would I? I hate that Cissy Lee freely gets to destroy me and everything I had worked so very hard for for so long. That I do hate. But Cissy Lee needs specialised support, the kind of support that Cissy Lee is currently not getting. (Just like Cissy Lee’s victims get no support either. Zero.) That’s not Cissy Lee’s fault. That’s society’s fault.

What’s just happened – on 18 July 2021 – with that fifth (!) phone that I had – because I wanted one that would be working normally, that I could actually use to call and e-mail and text people on and had not been hacked yet – is far too targeted and obsessive to have been orchestrated by local script kiddies who work at the various providers.


I’ve previously posted about what the local abuse of others can look like, others who are get tricked into hassling me. (Including a man in some kind of psychiatric trance clearly having been told to kiss me while someone else – presumably the one who directed him – stands there laughing. Not the person I have now started calling Cissy Lee Howard, I must add.)

What does the abuse of me look like?

I am currently hassled a lot about not being soft-spoken enough. Duh! I also get hassled a lot for being too soft-spoken. That, oh well, that is typically English stuff, I’d say.

But what I am going to talk about next is different.

Cissy Lee needs to hear me grovel, needs confirmation of my powerlessness and frustration. He needs control. And to that end, he needs to cause loss in my life.

He has often done things like mess with some of my clients’ e-mails so much that they looked like spoofs while in fact they had only been altered. He used to poke a lot of fun, notably with the fact that I once posted a quote on my business website, when I still had it, that read “you receive what you focus on”. I’ve forgotten who it was by.

Tell a client to be careful with the “track changes” function and end up with badly garbled documents from the client because of “track changes” hiccups.

A client tells me that he is slightly dyslexic and I end up with a Latex virus that makes me type as if I am dyslexic, almost.

That kind of thing.

So I just spent 10 days or so without electricity. So the electricity company was not responding to me e-mails and other messages.

I am supposed to grovel, he wants to hear me grovel. He wants to hear my voice. So I had to call. Did I actually speak with him, through one of those voice packages that allow one to change one’s voice? (Do I even know what his voice sounds like, though? Eh, no. I have spoken with him but his voice is nondescript.)

How on earth do I know? Maybe he was just listening in.

So he needs to hear me talk about how stuck I am, how powerless. So he says he can give me a discretionary credit?

Am I happy about that? Sure!

So the next thing I do is write a blog post about something that just happened at a local store, to do with masks. On my phone. I schedule the post for the following day.

I log into my computer not realising that my keyboard is still plugged in to the phone.

What does it say on my phone’s screen?


or maybe it literally was


And my blog post had disappeared.

He read things into that post that ticked him off. Things that he connected to me having been without electricity and a lack of gratitude on my side. But the post had nothing to do with that!

(This kind of thing happens a lot. This, perhaps this could be linked to autism?)

(And yes, sometimes, I have needed to type in my login password repeatedly. Randomiser on my keyboard input. Have seen it in action on one of my phones, likely the one that I smashed to pieces some time ago.)

The guy who installed the new electricity meter, he was going on about something that he made sound as if it was supposed to have some special significance for me and looked in me a certain way too, as if what he said was supposed to have some special hidden meaning for me. Nah, dude. It just came across as weird.

At the moment, Cissy Lee is threatening to get my business bank account cancelled. Is it real, or is he faking it? No idea.

He loves my powerlessness, his control.

(That is not autism, is it?)

Some months ago, someone called me who claimed to be a social worker. I fell for it. Was that, too, done with voice modulation software? I hear it’s pretty good.

How come this social worker seemed to know so much about what was going on? (Why didn’t she see that there might be other explanations? Because she knew the explanation. Because she knew what was going on.)

Turned out that this social worker did not exist.

Cissy Lee wanted to hear how I felt about the locks getting picked all the time, and crap being carried out in my flat when I am out.

The lock-picking continued.

There also was an occasion last year when my old computer and my new computer and my printer suddenly went totally haywire. Lots of beeping and rebooting and spitting out of empty pages. A circus.

On my phone, I sent an e-mail to a friend – which in practice first or always seems to go to him in that particular case?- about how childish that all was. And it all stopped abruptly.

He also sometimes seems to like taunting me with the fact that nobody’s replying to my e-mails.

Cissy Lee is definitely not autistic, is he?

The hint has been made a few times, mostly in the past, that this is someone with DID and that the crap comes from alters. That does not quite seem to be the case either, does it?

Cissy Lee has a sort of Jekyll & Hyde personality, I suspect. What you see is not necessarily what there is.

Nope, it’s definitely not the script kiddies who work at the providers who are orchestrating this. It is far too obsessive and relentless for this. They’re just pawns in his game of chess.

(Sadly, also, it his his game of chess. It only exists in his mind.)

Can he help being this way? No, of course not.

But the way he is is not my fault either.

I notice I’ve been logged out of my Google account again and that my e-mail address does not come up when I hover the mouse over the login box. Have done some more tweaking. Let’s see if it works now.

Can you see how my entire life revolves around Cissy Lee? Because I have no choice because of all the stuff that he does?

Cissy Lee loves to taunt, too. Oh well.

No, Cissy Lee, I know it is not all black and white, not all bad. But that is manipulative, isn’t it? The taunting gives it away.

And the lack of logic.

It is about control.

It is about control, about you – Cissy Lee Howard – controlling every aspect of my life.

20 July 2021

“Hi Angelina, I cannot see the order has gone through, but cannot see the money being returned. The domain has been renewed as well? It appears that the screenshot you have sent is a pending order from your bank. I hope this helps. Please let us know if there is anything else we can assist you with.”

Translation: “Chocolate is hot and pepper is not.”


I just got the above e-mail from a no-reply address at my hosting company (LCN). Similar stuff happened last year, when I later found that I had been chatting with them on a Bank Holiday weekend when their chat was not even available.

What then usually happens is that a week or so later, the payment gets reversed and I lose whatever facility it was that I was trying to renew. In the case of e-mail, this also applies to other facilities.

(And last time, when I called them, I could not get through to them).

I don’t think that this message came from my hosting company because why would they reply with vague nonsense instead of addressing the issue and giving clear answers. The order has gone through and the domain has been renewed OR NOT. He shouldn’t be asking me that.

I am constantly being sabotaged and usually have no professional means of communication left.

I also tried to get new glasses some time ago. My glasses are over 15 years old. What if they break? I’ve always had two pairs of glasses in the past, and I actually wore contacts before I moved to England. (Had to stop doing that after I moved to England because of the high indoor mould spore counts here.)

Cissy Lee did not want me to have new glasses either. (I was trying to get one of those home trial boxes. The company offered me glasses for 25 to 40 bucks each, something like that.)

Yesterday, when I was typing the word “effectively”, the fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff thing happened again. Plus “got it”. Got it? Got what?

(And did seem to want me to buy a different domain name elsewhere? One that he likes better?)

Earlier this year, I got some hints about me going to be destroyed soon by a malignant narcissist. I shrugged. Even if it is true, there is nothing I can do about it.

Apparently, it is all orchestrated by (apparently two?) anonymous characters who each seem to describe themselves in terms of two people driving one motor cycle, a dog in a top hat as well as an artwork of light and dark.

Okay. Whatever.

He is messing with this as I type, btw. Does not want me to type anything he does not like.

Okay, what he may be saying is “buy a new domain name, stop using the old one, use private mail addresses for any of your old clients who need something done and stop using a bank account”???

Stop using a bank account???? Yeah, that will go down well with any kind of client and HMRC.

As you can see, he makes my entire life revolve around him. He thinks he’s the sun?

4 thoughts on “What the abuse of me can look like in practice

  1. Oh!!! He is listening!!!

    I had typed one paragraph that he then highlighted as in “remove”.

    I did. Remove it.

    Five minutes or so later, I got an e-mail about something that went wrong yesterday. That was what the paragraph was about.

    Cissy Lee, your logic is way way way different than mine, your view of the world. How come?

    Also, the more you frustrate, the more people may become focused on doing what you are stopping them from doing. It becomes a matter of principle, sort of. I end up feeling that either I have to give up entirely or push on, push it through. I get into an either/or way of thinking that way and I fear that it’s often very limiting.

    But, thank you.

    I need an operational basis that functions before anything else. It’s like needing a chair before you can sit down on it.

    Now, of course, I do have to wait to see whether the e-mail was genuine and also whether what it says will in fact be implemented or maybe turned back again at the end of the week.

    Been living with this for over 12 years, yeah.


  2. Okay, he was not listening at all (re that first comment). Just taunting me, lol, or making fun of me.

    Btw, after I typed those last words, when I was updating this post, the computer froze. It’s 11:16. Just about every waking moment of my life is about him, isn’t it? I have absolutely no life of my own left, do I?


  3. That was about the LCN thing, btw.

    Can you see why I often wish I could just sleep 24 hours in a day?

    This evening, it’s quiet, blissfully quiet. That is such an immense relief that I often feel like crying, sobbing, when that happens. It’s rare.

    (There did seem to be some stuff when I checked Facebook, earlier – something about making a group – but I am currently only using Facebook to communicate with XR, am too unfamiliar with Facebook these days, so I can’t tell for sure.)

    Cissy Lee has been gobbling up my entire life for over a decade.

    Cissy Lee can’t help it, but neither can I. It’s not my fault.


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