Poor in Portsmouth? Listen up…

I am really annoyed that Boris Johnson is trying to deflect attention from his own mistakes by threatening the meagre incomes of jobseekers on benefits against a background of rising food prices, rising rents and rising energy prices.

How do you counter that? Be smart.

Yes, it’s happened to me in the UK that I applied for a manual labour job that I thought I would actually enjoy and the person in question was suspicious of me, thought that I was somehow trying to pull something on him. Odd, really, because he had a law degree and had also decided to do something very different, involving a lot of manual labour, and start a business that had nothing to do with law.

Poor in Portsmouth? Listen up!

In the second video, I explain why I added that bit about buying Cardano at the end of first video. In the third video, I will tell you why I am telling you about these things.

You can do this kind of stuff – open a Coinbase account and scan your ID, and also do any learn and earn videos and quizzes – at the public library, provided you have one of the newer computers (in the new room at the Carnegie library, for example; many websites no longer work on the older computers, but the scanner is still attached to one of the older computers).

If you need help, ask library staff. If you encounter someone who is a bit reluctant or if it is busy, wait till you can get someone else’s help or until it is less busy. A lot of the staff loves helping you but not everyone does.

Do not invest more than £5.

See, the biggest problems with these kinds of things are greed (the fear of missing out aka FOMO) and the fear of losing money.


Yes, lol, there is a little hiccup in this second video but I had already spent about 4 hours on it, was not gonna do more editing on this, and hey, the video is fine as it is. You get the message loud and clear and I found the hiccup even relatively entertaining.

In the third video, I explain why I am telling you about putting £5 into Bitcoin or Ethereum or Cardano. The prices of Bitcoin and Ethereum are so high now that putting money into that is going to feel futile whereas putting money into Cardano (at around 80 pence a piece) makes you feel hopeful. It can help kick you out of feeling powerless.

Yes, I have literally wanted to run away screaming from inside a Tesco once when I noticed several people counting their coins to see what they could afford to buy.

Recently, I have seen these NHS posters that admonish people that they need to keep the temperature indoors at a minimum of 18 degrees Celsius. So many people cannot afford that! Even before the pandemic, and now the inflation and the soaring energy prices, EACH WINTER, tens of thousands of people in Britain were dying because of the consequences of not being able to heat their homes properly, which is far more than in countries with colder climates!

So I am looking for every little way in which I can help change the whopping level of poverty in Britain.

You can do this kind of stuff – open a Coinbase account and scan your ID, and also do any learn and earn videos and quizzes – at the public library, provided you have one of the newer computers (in the new room at the Carnegie library, for example; many websites no longer work on the older computers, but the scanner is still attached to one of the older computers). If you need help, ask library staff. If you encounter someone who is a bit reluctant or if it is busy, wait till you can get someone else’s help or until it is less busy. A lot of the staff loves helping you but not everyone does.

THIS IS IMPORTANT: Do not invest more than £5. The biggest problems with these kinds of things are greed (the fear of missing out aka FOMO) and the fear of losing money.


Busting poverty

One of the first things to do when wanting to bus poverty is to drop all exclusive speech. Otherising language. Phrases such as “those people”. Because it suggests “them, not us”.

I repeatedly tried to join the Green Party’s Poverty Buster session at the Policy Fest this evening but because I attended the Wood Biomass meeting before, I couldn’t. (I kept being told something along the lines of “the host has another meeting in progress”. Had something similar with meeting sessions at the Hastings Center last week.)

I heard “those people” mentioned in one of yesterday’s Policy Fest sessions. It is very human to want to try to distance ourselves from other people’s dire situations – it is human vulnerability – and the phrase “those people” does not even necessarily point at the wish to distance oneself in each case.

That said, the first step towards busting poverty in the UK must be inclusivity. In this video below, I try to explain why.

Here is the thing

My entire life these days is about what local anonymous folks are up to.

Because they determine what I can do, what I cannot do and what my life is like.

Here you have the reason for Brexit.

You think that the EU makes you do certain things but you are doing it all to each other and to yourselves.

I am an EU citizen and this non-stop meddling by English people is the BIG problem for me. If it is a problem for me, then it is likely also a problem for you. It’s not the EU, it never was the EU. It’s YOU. You folks are doing this to yourselves. To each other.

You consider yourselves to be highly individualistic. But you’re not. And you blame that on others. But it’s you who are doing this, you who are keeping each other tethered.

Like everything else in life, this has pluses and minuses.

Did I already mention this?

About a week ago, I found the text changed of something that I had been working on.

I can tell that the intentions had been good and in this case, I don’t think it mattered, but… FFS… who the hell is this who constantly declares me a non-human – or a bird brain – and effectively thwarts just about everything that I do?

Why can’t we just TALK i.e COMM-YOU-NICATE about this? Like, eh, grown-ups?

On another matter, I’d recently been thinking about the people – academics – who’ve gotten me and sent me work since I started my business. It’s easy to misinterpret that some people never did this as those people not appreciating you professionally – until you suddenly see that the people who send you and get you work all are or became full professors and the ones that didn’t aren’t or didn’t.

I could say a lot more about that. I won’t.

A post has disappeared

About three online events that I had planned to attend this week.

I had deleted it as I can’t attend any of these things anyway, but it’s not in the trash and it’s not in the drafts. It had a link in it.

I had intended to attend a presentation of a report by the Crest Advisory group, a two-day event by the Hastings Center, on health disparities, and the Green Party AGM. The last – and first – time I tried to attend a Green Party event, the hacker wouldn’t let me

Health disparities

An example:

“The gap in life expectancy between Black and white Americans has hardly changed in more than 70 years: in 1950, whites lived eight years longer; in 2020, they lived six years longer. African Americans with a college degree or more education have lower life expectancy than whites with a high school degree. What should be done?”

From: https://www.thehastingscenter.org/news/hastings-center-health-equity-summit-recap/

In the next few days, I’ll take a look to see whether it might be possible to apply any of the American lessons in the UK. I too feel that I have nowhere near the level of healthcare access in the UK that I had in the Netherlands, so I also know a little of what is behind these issues. I am going to look whether I can recognise any of it in these American materials so that maybe I can translate it to the UK situation.

How – why – sadistic stalkers manipulate their victims (and what does it have to do with Jonty Bravery, if anything?)

Why do these folks what they do?

Why does someone at some point decide to try to drive another human being crazy through the application of the most bizarre shit, usually implemented by others so that the real culprits stay out of view?

Why do they things like drive people into deep poverty and then attempt to manipulate them through food and money?

What is behind this bizarre behaviour? Sadistic stalking makes no sense. Where is the economy behind it? What on earth do sadistic stalkers gain through it?


It’s an expression of agony and frustration. Of pain. Of despair.

Sadistic stalkers lose a lot of time and a lot of money. Their little hobby is expensive.

The economy behind it is completely missing. There is none.

Yes, the victims lose immensely. But the stalkers don’t gain anything from it.

For the record, someone has been messing with my cold-water supply. I haven’t identified the exact nature of it yet. I initially thought that it was because one of the flats was empty for quite a while. But it’s getting worse while the flat is no longer empty.

Water again… What is it with this water/ rain theme?

I can tell you one thing. This article below about this stalking clinic here has nothing to do with it. If, and it’s a big if, Hampshire Constabulary takes a stalking victim seriously and really makes an effort, it mostly concerns ex-partner stalking.

Sadistic stalking doesn’t even feature in the awareness of this particular psychologist (but I suspect that the journalist got a few of the facts wrong; there’s an error in the article).


I think I may have to return to a theory I used to entertain. Abuse of children.

Is the incidence of sadistic stalking greater in England than in other countries? We have no way of knowing.

Let’s take this a little further.

What did Tracey Morgan’s stalker say to her? He was lonely, because his wife who was also in the navy and who was also called Tracey was stationed in Asia.

Me, I got to hear “my wife’s passed away due to ALS” and “my wife left me because I was always working too hard”. I didn’t take that as a signal to take pity, but both times saw it as pure factual information as it came from a complete stranger.

Next came “I am a photography student.”

This was after I had gotten confirmation that I had not been imagining it that, after all of this began, I started spotting people who seemed to be taking photos of me.

What I am interested in is how he got people to do that? Because besides on the day that I got the confirmation that I had not been imagining it that people had been taking photos of him, I think it was usually others who did that.

Then again, I can’t be sure of that, as I didn’t know of the dude’s existence and therefore was not on the lookout for him. I’d see a flash, or a face holding a camera in front of it. Hard to see who is behind the flash or the camera.

Why do sadistic stalkers have this urge to turn others into “dance monkeys”?

Because it was once done to them?

Why did Jonty Bravery pick up a random kid and throw the kid off the balcony at the Tate?

Was it merely an expression of immense anger and frustration or was there some kind of symbolism behind it too? If so, what was the symbolism?

He had been very frustrated with his carers.

In this BBC article, it is said “There was no recent evidence that he presented a risk to other children or adults unknown to him.”

But he had made relevant announcements.

In 2018, he told some of his care workers he planned to push someone off a building and go to jail.

(Why would he want to do that? Why did he even tell them that?)

He was diagnosed as autistic at age 5. He eventually went into professional care. His parents spoke of this as follows:

“His parents thought this detrimental to his mental health, the report says.

His father told the review he felt “frustrated” at the apparent lack of expertise among private care providers dealing with his son.”

Is this type of behaviour – including sadistic stalking – a form of “acting out” as a result of abuse? Because of never being heard?

How does it tie in to the Priklopils and the Browns, the people who take others hostage and imprison them in their basements? Are they doing to others what was once done to them? These behaviours make no sense. There is no economy behind it, though the imprisonment of others in one’s basement, certainly in the case of Priklopil who carefully constructed a prison cell for his victim, does take the elimination of risk into account.

During a four-week placement in a children’s home in 2017, Bravery hit a climbing wall instructor at a leisure centre, deliberately damaged a car and assaulted a member of staff with a brick.

Later that year, he dragged a member of staff along the floor by her hair and, in 2018, he disclosed he was planning to kill his stepmother and sister.

The review says: “It is evident that professionals working with (Bravery) at this time did not think he would act on these statements, which were seen as attention-seeking behaviour.

“This was because all of (Bravery’s) actions were viewed as products of his autistic behaviour and there was no consideration of these threats in a context of conduct disorder.”

Attention-seeking behaviour? “Conduct disorder”?

It boggles the mind.

Did Jonty Bravery in a sense throw himself off the balcony? The way he was being thrown off the balcony all the time, perhaps? “I want to kill someone.” Response: “Let’s ignore the boy, he is just seeking attention”.

What more could he have done to get people’s attention?

Why, did he say, he was going to do that, according to the Daily Mail? He wanted to do something that would get him sent to prison. “to be away from here”

Carers’ recording of Jonty Bravery in full 

Jonty Bravery: I’ve got it in my head, I have to, I have to kill somebody to go to prison, to be away from here…I just need to tell you….

In the next few months – it has to be, the latest has to be by February, in my head, yeah – but ideally I want to do it before. 

If I could do it right now, I would. I’ve got it in my head, a way to, a way to kill somebody. 

And I know for a fact, I’m going to go to prison, if I do that. So, I want to, one day, meet up with my dad…it could just be a friend, it could be anyone, I’m just saying specifically what I’ve got in my head, and then go out – go out for the day casually, and just go out to central London, just for the day out, yeah, as if we’re having a normal day. 

And then go and visit some of the landmarks. It could be The Shard, it could be anything, it could be – as long as it’s a high thing, and we could go up and visit it. 

And then push one of – push somebody off it. And I know for a fact they’ll die from falling from the hundred feet. There!…you happy now?

Carer: Has there been anything in particular that triggered this off?

Jonty Bravery: Moving back here and my iPad going, yeah.

Carer: So if you were to get an iPad, for example, that would basically cancel everything…

Jonty Bravery: YES!

“There! You happy now?” (You say I am crazy, so I act crazy?)

(He certainly is very angry. Frustrated. Miserable.)

Yes, maybe nothing was going on. Maybe a brain scan would show up a huge tumour or an empty space where there should be brain matter.

Why did Jonty Bravery want to “kill his stepmother and sister”? Why not his dad, too?

He has gotten a life sentence and has meanwhile gotten another sentence added onto that because he “punched a female nursing assistant in the head and face and pulled her hair, after she said she was going to clean his room at the high-security psychiatric hospital” and then “bit the finger of the second complainant because he had to come to help her”.

He responded to what he experienced as an invasion of his space or his privacy. He didn’t say “please don’t do that, can you please clean my room on another day? I am feeling pretty crappy at the moment.”

Either because he couldn’t. Or because he knew it would make no difference.

Apparently, he told the dad of the boy that he threw off the balcony that he was crazy? (It was mentioned in a tabloid.)

When kids get told all the time that they are this or that – something negative – they sometimes decide to start behaving the way that they are told they are.

How do I know that?

Because my youngest sister said that to me once. She said that after hearing her dad tell her time and time again that she was a bad person, there was a point that she decided she might as well act accordingly. But it wasn’t her. And she knew that. What went on in my dad’s mind was my dad’s problem, not my sister’s. My sister was blessed with a great brain. Jonty Bravery wasn’t. My sister isn’t autistic. She is full functional. She also had the smarts to send herself to a psychologist when she was in her twenties. The psychologist determined that she was suffering from depression. She picked herself up after my dad threw her off his balcony.

Could that be the main difference? That my sister was blessed with a great brain?41

Jonty Bravery had a stepmother. What happened to his birth mother? Apparently, his parents divorced when he was three.

What is the story behind the stalking of me?

(I know that there is WWII trauma in the family background.)

How is it even possible that someone like me – an educated adult from Amsterdam – got abused relentlessly by people around her and everyone around me considered that fine? How is it possible that Bijan Ebrahimi – a friendly adults from Iran, with a bad back – was abused for seven years by people around him and police officers and council staff and then killed and set on fire? I

Isn’t it the same story, perhaps?

Jonty Bravery’s threat was not an attempt to manipulate others into giving him his iPad back. It was a protest against people having taken it from him. The Daily Mail wrote that the carers had been “forced” to take the iPad from him. Oh really?

He badly wanted out of that council care facility. He got what he wanted, the only way he knew how.

Meanwhile, my tormentor’s (plural/singular) has been pulling the same childish shit on me, for at least about an hour already, that he also pulled a few years ago. He knows that I no longer have my computer speakers – so can’t do a thing about it – and he thinks that that will be sufficient to drive me nuts?

But I just blot it out. I ignore his shit. I have had 13+ years of it, after all.

Jonty Bravery seems to have had this this same baby-like insistence on getting his wishes fulfilled, like a baby that wants milk, that also applies to my stalker(s).

Attention-seeking behaviour? Yes. But what is it that they want? To be heard?


To be heard. They want to be heard.

When I just looked for a file, a screenshot in which my stalker confessed that he was after my attention, I found this (see below). This has always been a theme for him. He’s let this pop up in the strangest places. He’s always appeared to emphasise that he wants me to be an advocate for neurodiversity etc. But I can’t even do that if he keeps strangling me. He does not seem to understand that.

The original file, the file that I was looking for? He’s deleted it… I’ve just uploaded it again.

(He posted this after having messed with – delayed – incoming payments for 6 months. A guy who sometimes refers to me as a “car”, his “laptop”, his “bunny” and also in the past, his “wife” and his “mother”.)

How is it possible that I am standing here – no income, no food, no electricity, and in a few days, no internet access – typing the above, trying to figure out what sadistic stalking is and how I can make it stop so that I can get my life back? Is England really this batshit-crazy that it considers this a normal situation? I sure don’t.

Health matters

You won’t be surprised to hear that I agree with Clive Dix, if you’re a regular visitor on this website.

But I an shaking my head again. I don’t know who’s responsible but why on earth are the distances between vaccinations measured in months for adults and in weeks – as in “12 weeks” – for teenagers? This does not help the volunteers and staff who need to check these data.

In fact, this kind of confusion led to the explosion of the Challenger, didn’t it? It’s why we like having standards. Clarity and ease of use.

Sideline critics who aren’t in the game (in defence of SSE and Ovo)

(Link to article in the Guardian below.)

The people who are criticising the advice sent out by SSE have never been there!

Besides the cuddle, which is plain silly, and strikes me as typically English, it’s actually sound advice. And I know what I am talking about.

That said, I don’t agree with the tip to “stick to non-alcoholic drinks” as alcohol opens your veins.

Instead, avoid sugary drinks such as hot cocoa. They tend to mess up your metabolism and make you go warm at first but then make you go freezing cold, and tired. Go for hot soup if you can afford it.

That, of course, is a problem. People stuck in fuel poverty can’t afford soup either. And alcohol doesn’t need to be heated. And you only need a little sip if the alcohol percentage is high enough.

A good fleece blanket to wrap yourself in can also make a major difference. I picked one up, a Christmas blanket at a huge discount, five years ago or so. At Asda.

Putting an emergency foil blanket under the sheets on your bed can also help keep you warm overnight.

If you happen to have a long neck – I do – wrap a scarf around it or wear a turtle neck.

Politicians who admonish the energy company’s advice should take a good look at themselves as it’s the government that is at the root of this problem. “Poverty is a political choice.” (Philip Alston)

Poverty is the result of decisions made by politicians.

Energy certificates that have no relation to reality aren’t helpful either.


Photo by Alesia Kozik on Pexels.com

Why my YouTube channel is the way it is (with appeal in this blog post)

See also description and comments. I want this anonymous person loser to stop sabotaging every aspect of my life.

I want my goddamn Udemy payment and my goddamn VAT repayment for July-September!

You did the same shit with payments from the University of Twente for six months and openly taunted me with it.

And a year earlier, at the end of 2019, you wiped out my work for Pactera. 3000 bucks’ worth that was gonna be, I reckoned.

(8 Jan: Should I add that this work for Pactera disappeared in the same manner as work I did for an EDX course disappeared, earlier, in 2016/17? Work that I did at the public library?)

And then on my birthday, you wiped out that grant proposal. Different computer.

Then you sabotaged the local wildlife work.

You’re a vile sadist.

I’ve had it with this your sadistic shit, whoever you are.

8 January:

And that goes for both the orchestrators and the performers.

And the vile silly but damaging lies you’ve been telling all sorts of people about me are despicable not good too either.

Doesn’t know how to tell time and what a calendar is, is afraid of men in business suits and all that shit.

What was the latest, I wonder… Been getting some really strange responses lately about something perfectly normal; I thought people were just being a little odd, a little dramatic, about something ordinary. But it would fit the pattern, of you attempting to keep me under your thumb, unfortunately.

The Udemy payment -$3.95- has meanwhile arrived. Much later in the day than usual, forcing me to beg someone for money, which I hate, but it’s good that it’s come in.

And nobody, not one person on Portsea Island, knows anything about what’s been going on? Yeah right.

To the people behind this: Get yourself a shrink and then I’m willing to talk with you, in cooperation with that shrink, to see if we can do something constructive with all of this. The shrink can get papers and professional kudos out of it. You’re resourceful enough to be able to find yourself a shrink who truly understands your needs – and mine – and respects you and looks out for everyone’s interests (not just yours but mine and the shrink’s too).

As far as I have been able to tell, the one thing that you really want is advocacy.

Then stop fucking around with me and start focusing towards that.

I’m willing to listen – and you know that. (But I am done with getting abused, let alone getting abused anonymously and without even knowing what is going on, what your situation is, and having to try to communicate with you like this and in other odd ways. My slavery situation is OVER.)

No, it’s not too late in your lives for that.

And you need more than to be able to talk with me. You need someone who can hand you practical “management tools”, someone who can see which techniques would really help you. I don’t have the professional background for that.

But I’m determined.

The status quo is not tenable.

So let’s do this.

A long time ago, one of you wrote to me that you weren’t necessarily after being understood, that merely being accepted the way you are is the main thing for you. I don’t know who (in reality) wrote that and what it was about. But I remember it.

That’s advocacy, isn’t it?

Then let’s do that.

Man up.

Life is not about being perfect or even about appearing to be perfect. Life is about accepting and embracing yourself the way you are. THAT seems to be your biggest challenge. As far as I can tell, you can’t do that without being accepted by others first, because of what’s going on in your brains, whatever exactly that is. So you want to beat people, force them, into doing that, into accepting you? That’s not how this works.

You’re a lot like wildlife. Wildlife also doesn’t consider things like people’s “boundaries” for example.

There’s often a lot of blaming people, about not setting boundaries, but that’s not always appropriate. Some people, just like wildlife, simply don’t understand boundaries, are baffled by them or are not interested in them, and in those cases, it does not matter whether others have strong boundaries or not. As the other party’s focus is solely on their own boundaries and wishes.

Think simply of a pet pigeon landing on a human’s head, oblivious to the fact that the bird’s sharp toenails may be painful to the human. It’s not that the pigeon does not respect the human’s boundaries; it simply does not see them. It wishes to be close to the human or to perch on something that’s convenient.

To some degree that has to do with signalling, a difference in “language”.

Think a cat’s hissing versus a dog’s bark or snarl or a magpie’s or pigeon’s warning call. Cats and dogs pay no attention to the warning calls of birds, but other birds do, even across species.

It’s not true that all humans communicate the same way either.

Just think of English people interpreting “with the greatest respect” as “I think you’re an idiot” (which is a narcissistic interpretation), “don’t worry about it” as “fuck off” and so on.

But it goes beyond that.

You’ve already made my entire life revolve around you anyway… and I have done enough “waiting for this to go away”.

But I want to know what you have done with the driving licence and bank cards that you took from me. That worries me.

PPS Advocacy and secrecy don’t go together.

10 January 2022:

Also, I remind you that on 17 October 2011, I wrote the following to you after you contacted me on Skype:

“Listen, can I be very frank? I think you need (some) help. Your view of reality appears to be quite distorted, certainly your view of my reality. Won’t you at least please tell me what is going on with you, what your story is? I’d like to know.”

12 January 2022:

And, no, the fact that Ms X once sent me those towels that had been drenched in bacteria from her lab – though somewhat questionable, you can see that as scientists’ humour – does not mean that she is behind everything that’s been going on. As far back as the summer of 2017, she managed to make quite clear to me, in her own way, that she wanted these bizarre troubles to be over for me.

That bag with all the bears etc, it may have contained a message, sure – and I do think that something about this adds up – but the “message” may also have been a mere attempt at manipulation. I cannot assess that from a distance, can I? And again, I find it very peculiar that not one single person on Portsea Island would know anything about this.

Also… where have those animal intelligence videos gone?

13 January:

All I’ve left is lemons now. Just about everything and everyone I cared about is gone.

Let’s make lemonade, then.