Suicides in Portsmouth (and what the hell is going on in this town?!!)

Rattled by what I discovered yesterday and remembering that the idea of eugenics did not begin in Nazi Germany but in England. I decided to do an internet search on “suicides in Portsmouth” and I found that in the three years before the pandemic, the suicide rate in Portsmouth has been higher than for its surroundings.

“Portsmouth suicide rate has been higher than regional average in last three years”

“Portsmouth’s suicide rate over the last three years has been higher than across the south east, figures have shown.”

This woman at Portsmouth City Council who tried to get me to commit suicide, she has access to many so-called vulnerable people…

But in England, the outward display of poverty is often mistaken for mental instability, also often called “vulnerability”. Was that what made her decide to target me?

Yesterday’s conversation – see previous post – has really rattled me because I had assumed that she had somehow been fooled into doing what she did, by the person who has been exposing me to sadistic stalking for over a decade and had not quite been aware of what she was doing. But it now looks like she was acting on her own and acted very deliberately.

(This is starting to shed a very different light on my situation. What the hell is really going on in this town?)

I also looked into “chav” culture. Chav stands for “council-housed and violent”. What I came away with is the reminder that the “chav” idea of rejecting everyone who is slightly different is not exclusive to chavs at all. Chavs are merely an out-group, in which people have little power and they do what they can to counter that.

I also saw that in Leigh Park (which is Havant, however), groups of yobs were making the life of a 76-year-old man (and his wife) hell last year, and then – thankfully – 30 people stood up for him to defend him (his home). That they had to, that’s… BONKERS! So was I, perhaps the target of a chilling form of gerontophobia???

I am shaking my head. What on earth did I land in when I left Amsterdam and moved to Hampshire, England?

To add a more positive note, another woman who works at the same facility as the woman who tried to get me to commit suicide, well, I had misjudged her as being very much into the class thing, in a negative way. But I’ve recently discovered that she’s not and that she is not only very good at her job, she enjoys it. She has no idea how precious that is and how glad I was to make that discovery. I love being wrong about negative things.

The (local) woman who tried to get me to commit suicide a few years ago

I have spoken with her and asked her why she did that.

Her response:

“I don’t know what you are talking about. I don’t know you.”

(to which I replied that I wore different glasses back then)

and then

“I don’t remember.”

She’s employed by Portsmouth City Council. I had never had any negative interactions with her, had barely interacted with her at all. So why on earth…?

So today I decided to ask. Because of something a friend said last week.

20 October 2021: The incident – she trying to get me to commit suicide – happened in March 2018. From a staircase, I later took a photo of the woman while she was seated at a desk on a lower floor. I also asked one of her colleagues for her name but that colleague very appropriately told me that they didn’t give out colleagues’ names.

(But these people do have access to the names of everyone who accesses those facilities. I don’t know if that plays a role, though, because they already know what the financial situation is of people who have to use these facilities.)

More than twelve years…

Of being utterly stuck in Portsmouth and everyone here is fine with it because apparently my life is not worth living, according to the local English.

I am so sick of not being allowed to breathe. Of being trapped in my tiny lab rabbit’s cage, filling my time with watching YouTube videos, reading library books and the perpetual hunt for food. So so so fed up with this.

The lockdowns made it bearable, because the lockdowns were for everyone and made everyone much friendlier, strangely enough.

And it all brought some excitement into my horribly restricted Pompey non-life, plus access to so many online meetings at American top universities.

I even attended a meeting with Hank Greely.

The pandemic made that all possible. Now it’s disappearing again.

Continue reading

Hidden remote files and other mischief?

My old computer started giving what was likely hacker- induced errors again (or not, after inspection). Accessing the disk just made me stumble upon remote files that contain crime statistics on stalking in England and Wales. And I’m pretty damn sure that I have never seen them before. (But it’s possible that my computer collapsed right after I downloaded these files in June 2020 and that that’s the reason why I never looked at them. I got my newer computer in June or July of 2020, the one that is totally out of order at the moment.)

Age groups 16 to 59 and 60 to 74, relationship to victim, ethnicity, education, occupation, employment status etc.

It looks like the numbers went down big time at the start of 2010 and then started climbing again.

But here’s the thing. I know for a fact that I am not part of these stats. So what do these numbers mean?

Then I got an invitation from Amazon for a video job interview this afternoon, only to log in and find that NO APPOINTMENTS ARE AVAILABLE.

Oh yeah

I want my life back. And I am going to get to the bottom of whatever the hell is going on!

For anyone who does not know that, I have been stuck in a bizarre largely digital sadistic slavery situation for over a decade. Been everywhere to ask for help. (I am a migrant.) Most people shrug. Those who may care aren’t able to help.

But for me, unless I keep managing to smile about it off and on, I won’t be able to survive.

Calling the Marissa Salas who knows Tim Cross

I think it’s merely hacker interference but “Tim” just wrote to me that his fridge is broken and that he is trying to hook up his fridge to the water supply.

If it’s genuine – which I doubt in view of the horrendous hacker interference I have been subjected to since moving to Portsmouth – then Tim is badly losing the plot and someone should go check on him.

I am not able to call him and even if I could, there likely wouldn’t be anything I could do as I am on the other side of the world.

Calling Bernadette Stumpel!

We have just had several text chat conversations in which you suddenly dropped out and wrote that you had to go look after someone with Covid and would not be online – but oddly enough kept responding to e-mails almost instantly – or had to rehearse for a concert or had to go arrange a party for your father and in which you also wrote other puzzling major remarks that you never followed up on.

I wouldn’t find it so unusual if it weren’t for the fact that this pattern has been going on for some time here in Portsmouth and has recently gotten worse, but not just for you, also for example for someone else who seems to keep repeating old e-mails she sent me, indicating something similar. “Gonna go to bed now, will read your response tomorrow” (even without matching context) and that someone else just sent me bonkers shit at the same e-mail address about hooking his fridge up to the water supply.

Reeks of hacker interference!

In hindsight, never mind, though.

But – thanks for helping me survive!

19 oktober: vandaag zag ik de vrouw die me destijds probeerde over te halen tot zelfmoord – ze zat achter een bureau – en ik heb het haar gevraagd. Ze zegt dat ze het zich niet herinnert.

Here we go again (hacker interfering with my online access)

Am uploading an article to Indy100 and my hacker blocks it again and my immediate downstairs neighbour moans loudly and disappointed when I realise what’s happened. This has been my life for over a decade now.

So then I submitted in a different browser but I don’t think it matters as I am on someone else’s VPN. He can block and change whatever he wishes.

But maybe I am wrong and maybe this is the one time that my digital experiences are not due to hacker interference.

Because once again, what I wrote has disappeared again. Poof, into thin air.

I click on my own profile’s link and it says:

404 page not found


(But of course, it is also possible that this is merely another smoke and mirrors game to make me look “crazy” should the article suddenly appear online after all.)

This is what I wrote for Indy100:

Continue reading

Someone losing the plot?

An American colleague is emailing me – in an English accent – and says that he emailed me in 2010 and asked me to meet him and his wife in London back then. Hahahaha.

But he is a bit older so maybe it’s that, but more likely it’s the Martinis talking. 🥳

He and his wife were in London in 2010 and I called them at the hotel and he was not pleased that I rang. Never asked me to meet them there and he knew that it wasn’t possible for me to travel to London at the time.

He’d asked me could I meet them upon arrival and drive them into and around in London so that they wouldn’t have to take the bus etc. Such an odd request, I thought.

So maybe that was spoofed too.

But he also just wrote to me that he was trying to hook up the fridge to the water supply?!! That he had found the fridge out of order when he returned from a visit to his stepdaughter in DC?

Tipner. Lennox Point. Gerald Vernon-Jackson showing his lack of spine, wits and insight again.

Crying tears in the often oh so “Trumpian” News over Tipner. Lennox Point. Peddling real estate developers’ interests.

Revealing a baffling lack of understanding of what really matters.

After previously having presented the clean air zones as a PCC invention while they’re government-imposed! Okay, that wasn’t literally him.

Take bold and effective action and you improve people’s health big time (saving a fortune in health care costs), create lots of space for housing, make the town a much more pleasant place to live in and bolster its reputation big time too.

But that takes a spine, guts and insight.

I’m embarrassed to say that in the past, I didn’t see various of Vernon-Jackson’s behaviours for what they really were. Acts of voter manipulation. Such as making a lot of noise about Donald Trump visiting Portsmouth, while knowing very well that it would make no difference. But it would impress some people.

I’m seeing something similar over Aquind, from all parties. Because Copnor is where many of the votes are. Wanna bet? Look into it. I haven’t but I started seeing a pattern. And I wondered what might be behind it. And the only thing I can come up with is… votes. This is about power. Power over Portsmouth’s citizens and power within their respective parties.

Why nothing in England ever improves

Because of the class thing. The obedience thing. The pressure to be a good 19th-century subject.

Because people disagree while making it appear that they agree. It’s disrespectful and deceptive. This also means that there’s never a aha wake-up moment after which action is taken.

The English are way too deeply into waffling, the kind of talk that never accomplishes anything other than making others immensely frustrated.

I’ve tried the softly softly so-called “polite” approach for years.

It gets you abused, dismissed and pushed out of sight.

The fact that English people are so easily so terribly offended used to freak me out. I had never encountered anything like it before other than with mentally ill people.

I discovered that flattering English people by complimenting them with their hat or their shoes gets you smiles and apologising non-stop stops them from being perpetually offended.

But that indicates that they are not mentally well!

And me bowing to those bizarre English whims to avoid offending the English merely set me up for abuse.

I discovered that no matter what I wear or say or do, English people – generally speaking, of course, because not everyone here is completely off their rocker, thankfully – are always offended. They seem to feel that everybody and their brothers and sisters and cousins and friends has wronged them.

I used to think that being offended by your mere existence was a thing of the older generation. But it isn’t. The youngest generations may be into this even more. Holy mackerel.

There is a larger divide there, though. In my limited experience, the “very old” tend to use plain common sense, are very practical and are not so hostile and nonsensical. There is a big group in between that is generally bitter (hostile) and not interested in anyone else but themselves (other than for the sake of their image). The youngest generation are sort of 50/50 divided. So the biggest potential for positive change rests with the youngest.

(Including children, of course, though I am not really thinking of children when I say “youngest generation”.)

No wonder (some) autistic people target me like crazy in Portsmouth and cling to me like I am their only life support, their only ray of sunshine and become so angry when that ray of sunshine starts dying too.

What it is like

(And yes, I manage to keep my mostly grey-white hair covered with henna because it gets me treated with more human respect than when I don’t, although it also gets me more abuse from men. Or maybe I should say “a different kind of abuse from men”.)

Do autistic people understand the saying “between a rock and hard place”? And how many times do they mistake other people’s fear – and actions based on fear – for something else? Asking for a friend.

And this person in this video and in a few other recent videos is more or less the person who arrived in England a long time ago. The English felt that she was too loud and too confident. Not meek enough.

What part of this – my situation – is about?

Making fun of or misinterpreting things I have said or quoted.

Such as “you receive what you focus on” which I think I had on my website many years ago.

Such as “I do my best to treat people the way I want to be treated” in combination with saying that animals are people too – persons, not humans – and the fact that I have rescued – kept – a few animals, but these were animals that wouldn’t have survived out there, some of which who had even literally chosen to be indoors.

I didn’t do horrible things to them just so that I could keep them in a cage! In fact, these animals are often an inconvenience to me – because they impose practical limitations on my life – but that isn’t a reason to abandon them.

To the local person nicknamed “dog”

If the person nicknamed “dog” doesn’t exist and in reality is “half of Portsmouth”, or is emulated by “half of Portsmouth”, then you need a psych eval and psych support. Each of you.

14 October: Someone moved this above paragraph all the way to the top, apparently. So what are we dealing with here? Abuse and ridicule ? Of autistic people, of women, of people who are over 45, and of foreigners?

  1. I don’t know who you are in real life. (I can only guess but that is “bad data”.)
  2. In slang, “dog” can mean anything ranging from wonderful, loyal and reliable person to ugly woman to piece of equipment that doesn’t work well to horrible, despicable person and just about anything in between. So that doesn’t tell me much either.
  3. I do believe that you have Asperger’s, not NPD with psychopathy. I now know that there’s a mirror aspect to both.
  4. I am not a computer or a robot. You cannot program me to do what you want me to do. You can merely create very angry, very miserable people that way.
  5. Neurotypicals like me sometimes tell little lies so that people do not feel hurt or offended. They also sometimes lie when they are scared. (And I’m scared of you.)
  6. It is not okay to keep another human being in an electronic cage and experiment with the person the way you have been doing with me. Also, neurotypicals need more than just food and a roof over their head. And I do believe that you know that very well.
  7. It’s also not okay to pick the locks to a person’s home and carry out all kinds of mischief such as vandalism and attacking animals inside the person’s home, like you have been doing to me. I think you know that too. I can understand why you do it but you would not want this to be done to yourself either.
  8. That not many people may know about your autism and your violence and cruelty doesn’t mean that it’s not there.
  9. Just like average neurotypicals can’t treat a person with for example diabetes 1, average neurotypicals also generally do not need how to deal with autism (autistic people), or tigers or horses or snakes, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad people. Together, lots of people know lots of things. Together, they can make the world a better place. Bullying and sabotaging people who you don’t like only makes them miserable, scared and angry.
  10. If you can send me spoofed emails and other spoofed messages, you can also send me emails and other messages that are not spoofed and reveal your legal identity.
  11. I can’t do this current situation any longer. I am at the end of my tether, and I don’t mean the cryptocurrency. England and Portsmouth have been hard enough for me to deal with without the stuff that you do. Your stuff has been going on for about 13 years now…
  12. I think that this means that we need to talk (and it’s probably best to have an autism expert present).
  13. I can’t help but wonder how many people you have pushed into suicide.

If the person nicknamed “dog” doesn’t exist but in reality is “half of Portsmouth” or does exist but with regards to what is being done to me is merely or mostly emulated (faked) by “half of Portsmouth”, then each of whoever “half of Portsmouth” is needs a psych eval and psych support.

Actually, I think that that is true in any case, in view of Portsmouth’s excessive hostility towards anyone who is not from Portsmouth but for example from Havant. This “Pompey born and bred” attitude is toxic and self-defeating. It’s not “a strong community sense” at all. It’s pathological.

I’m from Amsterdam. The old Jordaan neighbourhood may have been a little like Portsmouth. You know what happened to it? Rich people moved in, bought up all the properties, many of which are on canals, and all the Jordaan people were pushed out, spread over a large area, in neighbourhoods that are nowhere near as pretty.

Dropping your pants to moon people and picking their locks and stealing their postal mail doesn’t work against rich people. But in the meantime you’ll have turned people like me, people who aren’t Pompey born and bred and who aren’t filthy rich but who used to be on your side, into enemies.

You think that you buy each other’s loyalty by keeping yourselves and each other poor and miserable.

Meanwhile, folks with money and power play you for fools with your stupid Pompey born and bred meme.

When I was still a teenager, my dad came home one day with this ultra secret special information that he’d gotten from a local politician and that was supposed to help him. “Oh, dad!” I thought when I saw what it was and I realised how limited his thinking was. When he showed me that information, however, I also realised that my dad had problems making ends meet. I hadn’t known that, as his business had kept us in prosperity for a long time and I had automatically assumed that my dad was in good shape, even though my mother had taught me to shop wisely when she was still alive and even though my dad had had to stop the business some years before. My dad always hated that I was much more intelligent than him – which I couldn’t help – and I had to tread carefully around that. By contrast, I have always loved having people around me who are much smarter than I am. Because I can learn from them. Because they can help me be a better me. It’s not true that all smart people are mean people who are out to get you, Pompey. (Or that only filthy rich people are smart people.)

(Carl Jung)


What is on this web page fits with what I found earlier; see below. It is not the rule, but it seems to occur more often than people may want to know about.

Some days/weeks ago, the person in my equipment indicated that he was trying to destroy me and turn me into someone I am not, some kind of monster, and that it was my task not to allow myself to be broken.


(And there is nowhere you can go to get support with this kind of stalking. Nowhere. You have to handle it and figure it out all by yourself. 👓🕶️🥽🔬🔭🩺📡🛰️🩹Oh well. There are worse things.)

If anyone local wonders, the information about my landlord’s legal advisor came from whoever’s in my equipment; they also indicated that GVJ was my landlord’s man at the council. They don’t like Steve Pitt either; I don’t know why but I too can see that he’s no longer the publican that he used to be and fear that his ethics have gone downhill since he became a politician. Hopefully, I am wrong about the latter. I think it’s hard to remain 100% ethical in English politics because, man, do they stink.

This is relevant too:

Not the lockdown angle but the violence angle. I’ve said before that the infliction of cruelty can be a way of expressing “this much is how I hurt”.

Why I mentioned Lib Dem Portsmouth City Councillor Lynne Stagg in an earlier video

Why did I ask that Lynne Stagg (and Steve Pitt) be present at my meeting with Vernon-Jackson? Because she has the kind of local knowledge that Gerald Vernon-Jackson lacks.

Among other things, I am a former board member of the Environmental Chemistry (and Toxicology) Section of the Royal Netherlands Chemical Society.

Shortly after my move to Portsmouth at the start of 2009, I joined the Portsmouth Environmental Forum – installed and supported by Portsmouth City Council – but it folded within about a year. Lib Dem City Councillor Lynne Stagg was a member of it, as was Lib Dem City Councillor Darren Sanders. So was Nick Walton of the University of Portsmouth, very briefly; he joined after I did.

PCC’s Jane Di Dino was the one who placed the ad that I responded to; she also clerked for the Forum for a while. Georgina Melton was also one of the members as was the locally well-known slightly timid guy who managed to get the 20-kilometre zones implemented; I think his name is or was Charles Burns. There were a number of members from Farlington and Drayton as well as a few others from Southsea and Fratton.

I am also one of the 11 graduates of the PCC-sponsored and NCFE-accredited community leadership course called “Taking the Lead”.

It was a national pilot, so I understood; it was cut short by austerity. The graduation ceremony was supposed to take place at the Spinnaker Tower but was moved to Aspex. PCC CEO David Williams – still PCC CEO – was present, I think. Eh, no, only James Sandy, probably; he is in Birmingham these days. Certainly present was the then mayor, but she appeared to be a little uncomfortable around foreign individuals.

Tony Quinn was also part of this bunch of 11 graduates; I already knew him as he served as the clerk for the Portsmouth Environmental Forum for a while but his main role was in scrutiny at PCC. He is no longer with PCC. He is a Scot, I think, who used to be with the railroad police. While chatting with us, I have heard him talk about how his lower-class background had held him back (the self-limiting mindset that it installs in lower-class people in the UK).

(Steve Pitt told me that he had wanted to participate too but that he would enroll the following year. I don’t think he was a City Councillor yet at the time, let alone Deputy City Council Leader.)

Part of the advice given during that course was not to be too loud, not to stir the pot too much, but instead sweet-talk people and do things like collect lots of signatures. In my experience, if all you do is sweet-talk people and kiss their asses, nothing ever really changes and you promote and support the status quo.

When I later tried to use one of the PCC website features Tony Quinn had mentioned and that was supposed to give people a say but was rarely used, I found out why the latter was the case. It wasn’t functional… (I checked a few months ago; it still isn’t.)

I recorded this on 7 October 2021.

The hacker has added “German subtitles” to this video on YouTube:



My electricity (updated)

I continue to get calls – including yesterday – from a party that shows up on my phone as the name of the company that has now confirmed by email that they will be supplying the energy here soon – but I have had similar confirmation mails in the past that turned out to be spoofs.

But that turns out to be someone else.

The first three calls came in with me not being aware of it; after the first call, I called the number and discovered that the number was for someone else (or for someone else pretending to be that party).

There just was a fourth call which I deliberately decided to ignore.

13 October 2021, 01:35

Continue reading

Here we go again

I got a phone call from the power company I am now trying to transfer to but when I called back the number, it turned out to be a different party. (And the call I made could have gone to a recording that someone else made. Can’t really tell, can you?)

In any case, that call I got was spoofed.