Life in Britain/England is often like living in some kind of bizarre old western – the wild wild west – a lot of the time, also in terms of how women are treated.
I wonder what is being done for people on prepaid electricity and/or prepaid broadband/phone and low or no income?
They need to have that in order to stay informed.
With so many millions living in poverty in the UK, this is a real concern as they can’t access libraries etc either.
The UK government abuses millions and millions of the British, including many children, because it considers them lesser humans and several of its Conservative Party’s politicians have said that those people should not be allowed to reproduce.
(At least one of them participated in a “secret” old-style eugenics conference and it wasn’t for investigative reasons.)
The UK government targets people who are chronically ill and/or disabled, causing many of them to die.
It inflicted austerity on them and made many “mistakes” and broke the law repeatedly, errors that people needed to take the UK government to court over and then have to wait years and years to see remedied so that many more people pass away in the meantime.
But it has hundreds of billions available for the internal power grab it calls Brexit. (Brexit is about power within the UK. Internationally, Brexit will park Britain on a side track, like an old locomotive that is no longer able to keep up.)
The UK government refuses to let child refugees rejoin their families, turning back on earlier promises. Many of those unaccompanied children will end up in slavery, child porn and snuff films, but the UK government will claim that it could never have seen that coming and that it is, therefore, mean to accuse it of heartlessness.
The UK government refuses to give migrants proof of status so that it can claim “we have no record of you” whenever it suits the government and deport people at will and stop them at the border if they want to return home from a trip abroad.
British citizens risk up to five years in prison if they rent to or hire a foreigner who has no formal residential status in the UK. Opening a bank account also requires proof of residential status, I think. I do think the government is willing to offer an online database where people can check a migrant’s status. Oops. “No record of you.” I am not even suggesting that this always has to be deliberate. The British are not necessarily the world’s best record-keepers.
Just typing this is likely to guarantee that I will not be let back into the country. Already on my two previous returns, UK customs had some kind of problem with me after all. But someone has to say it. The UK government wants people who live in the UK to be meek, obedient and uneducated and be able to feed them tons of bullshit (which they will sadly gobble up like candy) to increase the chance that the government will be able to do whatever it wants and get away with it.
Even Brexit Party MPs and MEPs are currently astonished to find out what exactly they have been pushing for. Some of the Leave voters are now seeking exemptions. The UK government fed them bullshit and they eagerly ate it, no questions asked.
Last year, a local guy asked me how I felt about Brexit – I said I had no opinion on it as I can’t vote on it anyway – and he said to me that in his opinion Boris Johnson had done more for the country than anyone else. He called me “blinkered” when I didn’t agree with his view that my own country is no longer a sovereign state. My egalitarian and prosperous country is in favour of cooperation, prefers to work together with other countries, instead of working against each other. My country chooses to have a voice. The UK voted to have no voice and to withdraw to the sidelines. You’d think that the people in a nation this fond of football would have been able to realise that when a player does not want to participate, he’s out of the game.
The UK government wants to turn back British worker rights. It wants to do away with those pesky human rights that the world came up in response to the atrocities that happened in the WWII period.
We currently collectively seem to be forgetting that the UK government also already has been arresting foreigners at will and can detain them indefinitely, while they lose their jobs and homes, and sometimes also their driving license and passport. These people are sometimes or maybe often simply released again after a while, but now they find themselves without a home and without a job.
But abroad, most people still do not want to believe any of this either. Most have this image of the British as very proper and friendly people, kinda sweet and adorable people, really. Surely the British government, too, consists of very reasonable people, people who will always do the right thing?
Nuclear weapons are not the world’s most powerful weapons. The most powerful weapon is to plunge people into excessive poverty. It completely knocks them out but it also weeds out the physically weakest and allows you to keep the surviving ones as moneymakers. Little worker bees who will always do as told because they are not in a position to say no, for various reasons.
The difference with 1930s Germany is that the UK will not be invading other countries next.
So who on earth will benefit? People like Arron Banks whose mining group wants to open more coal mines in the UK, open-pit mines as well as sub-surfaces mines. Some of his wealthy friends will benefit too, along with bankers who don’t want the EU to curb their bonuses. And a few Russian folks, for some reason.
If you are living in poverty and/or tend to look pale, apply a little bit of blush when you go for a job interview.
It will make you look healthier and it will make most people see you in a more positive way. It’s a subconscious response. Biology-based.
A research-based tip.
Some of you may remember that I talked about the need for poverty therapy a while ago. I come from a prosperous egalitarian country and moving to a country with as much inequality and extensive deep poverty as the UK was a shock for me.
And I have learned to see that my background makes a big difference.
Here is more on that.
Oops. Does this also explain why people in southern England seem relatively, well, underdeveloped? Is it the stiff upper lip and the reticence in engaging in conversations, also with strangers, that is tripping them up instead of making them look more sophisticated or whatever it is they think it does for them? Hmm.
Okay, if this study pans out then this would give the UK’s poorest a reason to sue the UK government for the effect of austerity on their children. Isn’t that something?
When this is what your life is like, your world shrinks very rapidly, and with it, your opportunities disappear too, and it’s not your fault.
There have been experiments, also in TV series, in which they gave a family £26,000 so that they could finally DO something and turn their lives around. You see people blossom, find jobs, start businesses and keep them going.
The days leading up to the election, I got bombarded with ads telling me to prevent a hung Parliament so that he could get Brexit “oven-ready”. It worked. Johnson got his blue (Conservative) Parliament.
What did he do first, to get cooking?
- Limit the role of Parliament, now that it is no longer a “hung” Parliament, a Parliament that does not vote his way. Surprise surprise.
- Toss out workers’ rights. Surprise surprise.
- Throw out concern for people who flee from wars. No surprise there either.
No longer such a tasty dish, is it?
Apparently, another thing that he plans to do is put judges in the courts who will do what he wants them to do. Brenda Hale is set to retire in January, by the way. I am sorry to see her go.
Vanochtend vroegen jullie aan het eind van jullie nieuwsbrief “Heb je nieuws of commentaar of vind jij dat de Britse politiek ook wel een Cleanup kan gebruiken? Mail ons op email@example.com.”
In my inbox this morning, as part of BPS Research Digest, an overview of the effects of poverty.
The British Psychological Society:
Turns out that poverty can be really bad for children, ruin their chances in life. I talk about this in my course, in the lecture on whether it is better to be tall than to be short. The factor that makes the real difference appears to be childhood nutrition.
But not only can poverty affect your brain, it also often makes other people treat you as if you aren’t a fully-fledged human being. Many belittle you or even ridicule you – and that does not help, in my experience. It does not help when the message “you’re stupid, you’re stupid, you’re stupid” gets hammered home over and over and over again.
There is this blind assumption, for example, that if you visit a foodbank, you can’t possibly have anything to contribute to society. After all, you’re “stupid”.
The fact that you’re poor is not the result of how “stupid” you are.
It’s the result of luck, or rather, its absence, as I’ve posted before. Pure chance. Poverty can be the result of having tripped over that wobbly pavement tile. (Or a hacker. Or a disgruntled employee.)
MP slammed over ‘fat city’ slur
Outspoken Conservative MP Boris Johnson has been criticised for labelling Portsmouth as a city full of drugs and obesity.
The comments were made in Mr Johnson’s motor column in men’s magazine, GQ.
I had already been adding my own version.
“Shut this down! Shut this down!”
I refer you to my previous post. Britain has a massive amount of deep poverty. A shocking level of poverty for a western country. Many of those people are chronically ill or disabled. Was it their fault that they weren’t born with a diamond-crusted golden spoon in their mouth?
Boris Johnson (my translation):
“Fuck those many millions of people, and fuck their kids too. It is simply too easy to make money off them for ourselves if we keep them poor, so for god’s sake, let’s keep them poor and powerless.”
And stupid and blinkered, Mr Johnson?
I repeat, social care is for:
“children or adults in need or at risk, or adults with needs arising from illness, disability, old age or poverty“
Many people who are not poor have a bit of a habit of blaming people who are poor for the fact that they are poor.
Isn’t that like blaming people for the fact that they were born or for the fact that they have two legs?
People with enough money can actually BLAME and SHAME you for living frugally and not buying into consumerism. That’s nuts.
But after that, it gets more complicated.
First, there is the fact that deep poverty makes your world and your world view shrink. When that happens, the number of opportunities within mainstream society shrinks too. You become increasingly marginalized and the better-off may see you as some kind of potentially dangerous wild animal.
Second, deep poverty is often deeply traumatic and can upset people’s relationship with money badly.
Money becomes a source of pain.
What happens next? You avoid money. You want to get rid of it. It makes you nervous and antsy because even when you have a small windfall, you are so acutely aware of all the things you need… and you know that the money will be gone before you know it and that it won’t be enough to cover the things you need, let alone the things that might really make a difference. So even windfalls can become a source of pain and discomfort.
Money becomes like the stove you burned your hand on or the dog that chased you and bit you when you were little.
Money becomes the thing that meant that you had to keep your kids home when all the other kids went on a school trip.
Money becomes the thing that makes you sell – or lose – your most treasured possessions (and for some mums on Universal Credit, your body).
Money becomes the pain you feel at Christmas when you know that your kids deserved so much better than what they got.
Money becomes the source of the pain you feel when you have to send your kids to school without breakfast.
And from then on, your relationship with money is forever troubled. Money will always make you feel uneasy and it may make you want to spend it all quickly. Before it’s gone again.
But there is also the other thing, people becoming overly cautious, and ending up spending too much over time because they spend too little in the moment. What is cheap in the moment can be very expensive in the long run. (I even see landlords and their staff fall into that trap.)
An example of that is buying a four-person set of flimsy plastic cutlery for yourself or a friend because it only costs one pound, whereas you’d be better off buying cheap all-metal cutlery for one or two that will last you many many years.
Money is the thing that made your kid trip and hurt his knees because of his shoes.
Prolonged deep poverty can result in a money-oriented form of, what is it? PTSD?
You end up making “bad” decision after bad decision because there is never enough of the stuff and you don’t know any longer what you could do that would really make a difference.
Take the kids to McDonalds on that rare day that you can afford it and stick out your tongue at the gossipping neighbours because life is too short and if your kids get hit by a bus tomorrow, one of the things you will end up regretting is that you hadn’t taken them to McDonalds the day before. Not only because of the food but because of what McDonalds meant for the kids. A feast! A party! Feelings of abundance and joy!
Going hungry too many times can do something similar. Some people have to skip lunch even when someone offers them lunch because if they say yes to that lunch, it will throw their bodies out of whack. Out of the poverty routine. That would make life harder for them.
Charlotte explains it in this video:
If you have gone without sufficient food or sufficient variety for a while, and then suddenly have enough money to eat, you may find that you can’t stop eating as if your body is thinking “quick, quick, before it is gone again”.
Is there a poverty phone line?
You can get DEBT COUNSELLING.
But debt counselling often only works if you have a sufficiently high and steady income and nothing ever breaks down and your kids behave like perfect little robots.
I would like to help change poor people’s relationship with money.
Been tossing that over for a few days now. I want to see something started like an AA meeting or support group for people in deep poverty.
AA meeting sounds too much like “It is all your fault”.
No, it isn’t. Money isn’t your fault. It is society’s fault. Money was not supposed to start dominating our lives the way it does these days. Money was supposed to support us, not crush us.
Support groups, then. Self-help groups.
I imagine a room and a table stacked high with notes or a bathtub filled with notes.
Is that abundance? No.
Abundance comes from many things, including what you can do with money.
But for people who have been living in deep poverty for too long, it is like having been locked up in a dark room for years and suddenly being released into the summer sunshine.
I’ll toss it around some more.
When money becomes like cancer, you no longer like money much…
Money is the thing that makes you sit in the dark and in the cold in the winter because you can’t afford to heat and light your home, makes you feel really really miserable and makes you notice how little daylight there is in the winter.
After a few days, you slide into a state of hibernation. It’s a waiting game, waiting for some money to come in.
Money is that thing that makes you pick up a piece of construction foam because you were hoping it was a bread crust.
Money is when you become really thin and somebody compliments you because you are really thin.
In the meantime, if you’re in deep poverty, but can get onto the internet and do have a headset, go here and listen to this for a while with your eyes closed to clear your mind:
I discovered binaural beats and how they influence brain activity when I was living in Florida in the mid-1990s. They can calm your mind and bring your stress levels down significantly.
If you use binaural beats at home, sit in an easy chair or lie on your bed and relax while you listen to this for half an hour, through your headphones. But listening for 2 or 5 minutes often helps too.
A quick shortcut? Crank up the two levels on the left to get your brain really really really relaxed, the kind of “relaxed” that deep sleep can do for you. Don’t touch the other controls.
The Supreme Court has just undone benefit cuts dubbed the bedroom tax for severely disabled people. This issue has been playing for years.
This is the umptieth court case to do with the UK government betraying its own citizens, and the government loses about 99% of them.
When I can I drive for a food bank.This morning arrived at a young mum crying. Not had anything for a week. She’s studying part time. I flung her/her kid in the car and took her to Aldi’s. A 4 yr old thought weetabix was a treat.
Tell me again about how Great Britain is.
— Botty Bolingoli (@BottyBolingoli) November 10, 2019
I have not long turned 44 i have worked since I was 16. I have payed my tax and Insurance. 2 years ago I got diagnosed with a rare chronic illness. Got my Universal credit sanctioned for being in hospital for treatment. And they ask me why I hate @Conservatives
— Jimmy Ferguson (@JimmyFer1077650) November 10, 2019
I was waiting to pick up a takeaway and a young girl approached. Said her benefits had been stopped and needed a loaf for kids. I gave her a tenner but to my shame spied on her to see if she bought fags and booze
— grown in wales (@coileyparjley) November 10, 2019
She came out a few minutes later with bread and groceries. I could have cried
— grown in wales (@coileyparjley) November 10, 2019
Its council – along with at least 59 more in the UK, so I understand – treats the results of the UK government’s enduring efforts to push and keep as many people as possible in deep poverty as “antisocial behaviour” on the part of people who live in poverty.
I just saw this on Twitter:
2016: TURKEY ARE JOINING THE EU!!!
Scunthorpe votes 68.68% for leave
2019: British Steel in Scunthorpe goes into administration because of Brexit
Turkey buys British Steel Scunthorpe and saves 4,500 jobs
Ironic-o-meter just exploded
— Russell England (@RussellEngland) August 16, 2019
When I looked into it, I found that yes, there is interest from Turkey to save about 4000 jobs or so. By the way, Turkey isn’t joining the EU either and the billion or so Turkish people who were supposedly all moving to Britain – as an argument for Brexit – have no intention of doing that.
See also my previous post.
i am not a racist but i am a realist i dont want my country flooded with migrants no matter where they come from .its not about the migrants themselves its about the mass numbers and especially when majority of brits want less immigration,that my view and im sticking with it
— BREXIT PARTY NORTH WEST (@brexit_party_nw) August 8, 2019
I am so so so sorry that the UK government and the abundance it keeps away from so many of the British makes the person who wrote that tweet feel that way.
Sadly, that lack of abundance for most of the British appears to be part of the historic makeup of British society (the class system and the resulting whopping inequality).
I am not too fond of my own extremely well-organized country because I find it a little bit too rigid, but from living in the UK, I have learned to see how wonderful it is to have no class system and very little inequality. It makes people feel very secure and quite happy, even though they may not be aware of it.
That makes it easier to be welcoming to strangers.
From living in the US, on the other hand, I learned that my own country was running way behind on women’s emancipation and much too focused on everyone having to be average (as being average is perfectly fine), hence not being very tolerant of and not creating any space for people who wanted more.
When I was living in the US, people who wanted to be very good at something for the sheer joy of it, people who were very driven and enthusiastic, were so welcome and I loved that. I got to know Americans as open, easy-going and welcoming, but also as very hard-working, purpose-driven and goal-oriented.
In my home country, me wanting to work on weekends at the uni made some people consider me a total pain in the butt. In the US, it was perfectly normal for professors to be at the uni on weekends and over Easter.
Striving for excellence, for the sheer joy of it, is a wonderful thing, and that kind of “go for it” “yes, we can!” spirit is such a wonderful thing to have in one’s culture. I understand that part of what made America so great was the sense of everyone having to put their shoulders under it towards the same goal, no matter where you came from, a sense of pioneering and a sense of solidarity.
The way I see it, if we want to solve British feelings of intolerance and general misery and poverty, we must find a way to bring abundance to the people. Not charity. Not PR photo ops. A genuine everlasting sense of guilt-free abundance. This does not have to rely solely on material things, but should serve to make people feel that there will always be enough of anything they need, no matter what. Homes, food, clothes, education, opportunities.
Never had any problems with landlords in the Netherlands. Never.
Had three in Florida. The first and the third were fine, but the second one was not and his attorney was rumoured to have mafia ties, I kid you not. But I heard that later. I think it was actually a legal aid lawyer who told me that who I talked with later, long after I’d moved out and his lawyer started pestering me. I’ll spare you the details.
My third landlord was the husband of the person I volunteered with on Saturdays and sometimes Sundays. (He was a builder, built huge places, the way they are in Florida. Nice guy. I think he was in the US Army for a while, and they lived in places like Morocco. ) She stopped by one day – to bring me two birds – and was appalled and suggested I move in to one of their places. They owned a small apartment building that was mostly used by snowbirds (people from for example Canada who take winter vacations in Florida).
Some time later, I moved to Britain.
In Southampton, I knew several landlords. (Only one of them was mine.)
One said that only educated people were decent human beings, and I was too shocked to respond. He called tenants who rang him because the washing machine or heating wasn’t working (properly) “bad tenants”. This was not my own landlord, but someone I met within a business context and was friendly with for a while. Wasn’t actually a bad guy at all, strangely enough.
I also knew one who proudly told me how he had tricked an elderly woman with beginning Alzheimer’s out of her flat, I kid you not.
On another occasion, the same guy was talking with me about a new building he was constructing and then added that it did not have to be very good “as it is only for tenants”.
In Portsmouth, I’ve met two who dump rubbish on other people’s front courts and patios. I caught one red-handed and the other one admitted it.
I have principles.
If I can help make things better for people who come after me who are less strong in some way – okay, except physically as I am getting old and I am feeling it – I will try to do that. And that baffles the hell out of (most) Brits. But that is not my problem.
Are you a woman in Portsmouth (England) and a target of sadistic stalking?
“Eh, of what ?”
You can find out more about the phenomenon “sadistic stalking” if you look into the work of forensic psychologist Lorraine Sheridan’s British work, but there is also some information at the bottom of this post.
It concerns a highly manipulative pattern of positive and negative behaviours (which can lead to trauma-bonding, better known as the Stockholm syndrome) and the gradual but steady loss of the victim’s control over almost all areas of her life. It is usually carried out by someone the stalker barely knows or may not even know at all.
Victims of sadistic stalking are generally slowly but very deliberately isolated by their stalkers, their lives often torn to shreds in the course of years.
What does this mean in real life?
That you’re not alone!
There are up to 45 women in Portsmouth right now – maybe more – who are in the same kind of nightmare as you are!
Let me explain how I arrived at that number.
According to National Stalking Advocacy Service Paladin (see this page: https://paladinservice.co.uk/key-facts-and-figures/ ), “data from the Crime Survey of England and Wales shows up to 700, 000 women are stalked each year (2009-12)”. That could include 90,300 victims of sadistic stalking, then, if 12.9% of those cases concern sadistic stalking, as in Sheridan’s study.
The size of the combined populations of England (53.01 million in 2011) and Wales (approximately 3,063,456 in 2011) was 56,063,456. 700,000 stalked women represent a little over 1% of that total population, but that population also contains minors and men. So let’s say that about 0.5% of women are stalked.
(This excludes stalking that is 100% cyberstalking.)
If I assume that stalking is evenly distributed geographically, which it won’t be as some stalkers are more likely to operate in surroundings that make stalking easier, then I arrive at the following estimate for Portsmouth, where I live.
Portsmouth’s population in 2010 was 207,100. The working-age population was 145,000. If I take 50% of that as the number of women, I end up with up to about 360 stalked women in Portsmouth alone. If 12.9% of those cases concern sadistic stalking, as in Sheridan’s study, then about 45 women in Portsmouth were targeted by sadistic stalkers in 2010/2011.
There is almost no help for these women. The digital age has made it much more expensive and complicated for police to investigate stalking. As sadistic stalking tends to involve one or more unknown stalkers (and is often very subtle and skilled as well as engineered to make the victim sound crazy), police officers cannot afford to allocate resources towards investigating such cases.
Sadistic stalking can go on for decades, and nobody can help you put a stop to it. There is a lot of fancy-talk out there, but in reality, when you are being stalked like this, you are largely on your own.
You may even run into the bullshit opinion that there are no stalked women, only psychotic and hysteric women and attention-seeking women.
It’s not true that only young and attractive women get stalked. You can get stalked because you remind a man of his mother or because you are having a bad hair day.
So in real life, you may find yourself being forced to live a nightmare, on your own, your health likely to decline under the prolonged stress. You can develop things such as skin infections (fungal or bacterial).
You may even suffer a heart attack as you may often be confronted with shocking acts of cruelty.
I am no longer often angry with stalkers because I’ve come to realize that they can’t help what they are doing. It’s complicated. We provide medical care to people with kidney problems, but not to people with brain differences that can, for example, be caused by severe childhood abuse. Apparently, such differences in the brain can result in stalking behaviours like these.
But here is the thing.
If 45 or so women in Portsmouth alone are being targeted by sadistic stalkers, we should be able to make a fist – or rather, a circle of connected hands – and support each other. That way, we could instantly put a stop to one of the key objectives of sadistic stalking – isolating the victim.
You may have been hiding the fact that you are being stalked because when you talk about it, you usually sound like a complete lunatic yet, on the other hand, when people believe you, they often become scared.
Friends and acquaintances disappear and those who don’t disappear by themselves will be pushed away by the stalkers. They may call friends, relatives and acquaintances, pretend to be someone else and give them a reason to stay away from you.
You may feel guilty about being stalked, even though you know that you did nothing to deserve it.
You may feel like you should have been able to prevent it, somehow, even though on a rational level, you know that there is nothing you could have done differently that would have made a difference. It makes you feel incompetent.
You may be experiencing disbelief. “This can’t possibly be happening. So it must be me. Am I merely imagining things? Am I going crazy?”
This may be more common at the start of being stalked, when you notice things that make no sense, things that – so you think – can’t really be true. Such as people taking photos of you, (some of) your postal mail disappearing or the feeling that someone has been in your home, or just a vague indescribable feeling of unease that you can have when someone has been in your home but you don’t realize it.
And if you are a foreigner, you may not even be sure if what is happening could be “British humour” or not. British humour is often slightly sadistic, too, after all. Designed to trigger “Schadenfreude”. Are anonymous people around playing pranks on you, perhaps? You may also find yourself tripped up by British slang that you didn’t recognize as such.
You are bound to feel alone and powerless and you may often walk around with a frown on your face, looking and feeling angry or scared or frustrated or bewildered. You may have become a bit zombie-like – because that is what prolonged powerlessness can do, for various reasons. Some people may think that you’re really odd, for instance, people at supermarket tills.
But you are not alone.
Earlier today, before I started writing this page, I passed a woman on my way to the Aldi and I wondered “Is she one of them?” I looked at her, deliberately, and she looked back and smiled. She was about my age.
A few years ago, the Portsmouth News reported the suicide of a 54-year-old woman in Southsea. I was 55 at the time. I am still wondering if she too was a victim of sadistic stalking. Stalkers may target several people simultaneously. Perhaps it helps obscure what they are doing, makes them look less fixated on one person.
So let’s find each other and start supporting each other. All 45 of us or whatever the number for Portsmouth is in reality, and many of the others too, for instance, those who have delusional fixation stalkers or stalkers who are a mix of these two stalking types, and others as well.
The other two stalking behaviours in Sheridan’s taxonomy (ex-partner stalking/harassment and infatuation harassment) appear to be a bit different, often less secretive, and more clearly to see for others.
With some stalkers, telling them off in a stern tone works, but it can encourage other stalkers.
By the way, the advice to have no contact with a stalker has become meaningless in the digital age. There is no way of knowing that “Carl Patterson” who you don’t know is really, say, “Pete Jefferson” who you do know. And if you suspect that it is, you will sound paranoid as this example is so obvious. If the example is less obvious and someone contacts you and something about it does not feel right, you will still sound paranoid if you talk about it.
Apart from that, you will be trying to make your life work in spite of being stalked and you can’t do that without trying to find out who and what you are dealing with, and finding out whether it might be possible to negotiate a workable situation with the person.
Let’s connect. We could meet every Saturday at 11:00 or 14:00 in the HIVE at the public library in Guildhall Square. I don’t know yet if I will get around to starting this myself in Portsmouth, but if I do, I will post details on this page later.
Women and men in other locations can do this too, of course. Track each other down and start supporting each other.
I am aware of the risk that meeting like this might also attract stalkers or, say, people with narcissistic personality disorder who feel better about themselves when they hear about other people’s misery, but I think those of us who are being stalked and certainly those who have been stalked for many years have learned enough about stalking behaviours to recognize any wolves in our midst. And we could set up a safety net for ourselves, too. Plus, there can be safety in being visible to the public.
Stalkers don’t necessarily mean harm, but it’s impossible to know what is going through the mind of anyone who is stalking you. That creates a big chunk of the problem, of the life-stealing in stalking in general.
Once we join hands, however, we can say “We’ve got this.” and feel strong and in control again, instead of “possibly crazy”, powerless and vulnerable.
I mean, heck, isn’t this an obvious solution?!
That said, please read the disclaimer at the bottom of this web page. I cannot protect anyone from anything, nor guarantee anything, and cannot be held liable for the results of any decisions you make or don’t make or steps you take or don’t take.
I wish everyone well, and I wish nobody any harm of any kind.
Some general advice follows, however.
- The first thing to do if you have any type of stalker? Secure your home. Change locks, add extra locks, make picking and shimmying the locks take up so much time that it becomes very unattractive.
- Second thing to do? Stop posting anything online. Do not share any wishes, hopes and frustrations etc online. No photos of your home etc either. No remarks about friends or relatives.
- Impossible if you are your own boss. A solution is to hire someone to handle social media for you. Keep that away from your own computers and e-mail addresses. Outsource it. Do not postpone this if you can afford it. It may safeguard your income. Once you’ve lost your income, it’s too late.
- Another complication is not being able to ignore e-mails etc from strangers if you are your own boss. Here too, outsourcing may help and it is worth the expense. Use one general e-mail address for enquiries and outsource the handling of e-mails to that address.
- Do the same thing for phone calls. Engage a company that can answer your phone for you. Use one number for general inquiries, and then redirect your calls to that secretarial service. It’s worth the extra expense.
- The third thing to do is to make it hard for your stalker to isolate you. As soon as you know or suspect that you are being stalked, tell friends, colleagues, relatives and acquaintances about it, calmly. (Don’t explain in detail what is going on. Merely say that you have an anonymous stalker. That’s right, even if you have a suspicion of who it might be or know who it is.) Tell them not to pay any attention to anyone contacting them and for example claiming to be a good friend who wants to help you with something behind your back. That way, they don’t end up gaslighting you too, without knowing it, which would be likely to make you distance yourself from them. Tell them to call you – they know your voice – if they receive strange e-mails from you and tell them not to give up if they find it hard to reach you by phone or e-mail. Dead/disconnected line, weird message on phone line, no response to e-mails. Also, if you don’t do this now, the isolation you’ll eventually experience can make you want to share things online, or even vent online, which makes you more vulnerable and gives the stalker more of what he or she wants. If you slip up, delete it as soon as you can. The stalker wants to see that he is having an effect on you. Of course, keeping quite isolates you and if you run a business, you probably have no choice but to be very vocal about it to limit damage to third parties.)
(19 March 2019)
If you are looking for legal recourse, you have three options, namely public prosecution, private prosecution or civil proceedings.
You can forget about public prosecution. You need the cooperation of police and CPS for that and you are never going to get that unless you’ve been physically attacked (and/or killed) and by then, it’s too late. Your chances of successful private prosecution are slim as well, as you need permission for that and it’s rarely granted. Civil recovery is your best option. The point? Spare yourself the effort of doing what is usually recommended and the ensuing immense frustration. British police are not going to help you, and a 2017 report by two British watchdogs agrees. Police had failed all the victims in all the cases that the report had looked at.
Please see the disclaimer. I wrote the above on the basis of my personal experiences in Britain. I am not a lawyer.
Today, I watched a few videos on YouTube about women in poverty, many of whom are homeless or illegally living in a caravan, particularly if they are pensioners. They may get a small pension, but it’s not enough to live on AND rent a place.
They live in the US, Australia, or New Zealand. (I already know quite a bit about the situation in the UK, where one third of the people live in poverty.) They are 48, 57 or 69 years old.
From reading newspapers, I get the impression that poverty is very slowly starting to creep up in the Netherlands too now. That is where I am from, a country where most people still have incomes with lifestyles that now come across as obscene to me, but that I used to see as normal.
There is not necessarily anything wrong with it – apart from the resource consumption that can be linked to it – but I call it obscene because of the giant contrast with the lives I see around me.
To give a comparison that they may be able to understand, their lives are like having gold taps and gold handles throughout the house and expensive champagne with smoked salmon and caviare at breakfast every day.
What strikes me particularly about the stories of the women in the videos is that they never expected to live in poverty and are totally gobsmacked by the fact that they are.
But here is the thing. It’s not them. They didn’t necessarily do anything wrong. It’s mostly the result of sheer coincidence.
Several of them mentioned the 2008 financial crisis. (Thank you, banks.) Others mentioned a divorce, hence suddenly being without a home.
They grew up in a time when life was still good. For most of them, it was a reasonable expectation that they would not be poor a few decades later.
It’s made me remember that in 2006 or thereabouts, various articles more or less predicted this rise in poverty, this sharpening division in the haves and have-nots. There was a lot of talk about corn, and the price of it. The articles said that we were heading for a time of food insecurity and a lot of poverty. It worried me. It sounded alarming. It made me look into emigrating to countries with much lower living expenses and the kind of climate in which I thrive.
If you thrive, physically, you can do more work. If you live in pleasant surroundings and don’t struggle with paying the bills, you maintain better health, too. All of these factors help.
I seem to recall that those articles also said that knowledge workers would increasingly get into difficulties, but that the opportunities for creatives would likely become much better. Back then, I had no idea what that meant in practice. (Maybe the people who wrote those articles did not know either.) It is starting to dawn on me now.
Once you’re in real poverty, it’s almost impossible to get out of, it seems, unless you have an extraordinary stroke of luck, for most people.
There have to be ways to solve this, stop this from progressing. Yo, creatives, can you come up with some bright ideas?
The focus of the world is shifting. The articles predicted that too. It’s true. The United States no longer run the world.
Some of the women in the YouTube videos solved their homelessness by taking up house-sitting, although that also sometimes meant that they were no longer eligible for social housing. One of the women has MS, the relapsing-remitting version, and no health insurance.
Something else struck me, too. These women were too nice about it all, too accepting, taking their worries and bouts of depression in stride.
“You’ve got to roll with the punches.”
True, but rolling with the punches means that the punches barely touch you and don’t hurt you. When the punches hurt and you never asked for them, never started the fight yourself, you’re entitled to a bit of anger. There are power and energy in certain kinds of anger – but women are still not supposed to get angry.
Donald Trump appears to be a so-called grandiose or malignant or overt narcissist, and I am starting to suspect that Theresa May is a narcissist as well.
Her behaviour caught my attention off and on over the years, but I thought she was merely being fairly typically British, certainly for a politician. Now I wonder…
She is heartless/without an apparent capacity for empathy, when she does dish out “sweetness” it is almost always faked for effect, she is calculating and obstinate, lies constantly and does not even flinch when she is caught red-handed, as if she thinks it merely shows how smart she is, she occasionally acts all personally injured, it is impossible to have a genuine conversation with her and not replying at all to clear questions is one of her favourite tactics.
The way she smiles in this video, it’s… kinda nuts, but it seems to fit with how a narcissist might respond. She appears to love how powerless and frustrated – exasperated – her blunt refusal to answer makes Jeremy Corbyn.
And this refusal to reply is not about who ate the cookies.
That makes it even stranger.
Ignore tonight’s mainstream media Tory propaganda, this is the real story from today’s PMQs they are trying to distract you from! pic.twitter.com/tNqYnyAci7
— Peter Stefanovic (@PeterStefanovi2) December 19, 2018
It is more or less how Donald Trump would respond too, right? Or am I seeing ghosts?
There has been research into how it would be perceived if a woman said the things that Donald Trump says. It turned out that the public finds it far more acceptable when it comes from a woman. I find that interesting!
Make no mistake, nobody chooses to have a narcissistic personality disorder. It is a brain-based condition and the exasperation that the condition can cause in others is not that different, perhaps, from the exasperation people can feel toward people with Alzheimer’s or dementia, another, albeit different brain-based condition.
Because of all the money that goes into bad administration. Bad government.
“The UK has allocated £2bn ($2.5bn) in funding to government departments” to deal with a Brexit worst-case scenario.
“3,500 troops will be put on standby to maintain essential services”
Imagine what the NHS could have done with those TWO BILLION pounds!
The British motto of “never admit defeat” is starting to look pretty ridiculous, fighting an imaginary war that, in reality, is a war against itself.
Narcissists can keep you in a cage, like a slave, without the rest of the world having a clue. It is one of the reasons why our society must not go 100% cashless (https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-46596154).
YOU, flying monkey, had a choice – unlike people with personality disorders who did not choose to have such a disorder – and YOU consciously decided to help someone who has a personality disorder by messing with someone else.
“Almost entirely, the people we’ve spoken to have been completely unaware their faces are being scanned.” @Hannah_Couchman speaking with @TashaBernal @Telegraph about Met Police use of #FacialRecognition on unknowing Londoners #ResistFacialRec pic.twitter.com/KWmZirZemH
— Liberty (@libertyhq) December 18, 2018
A few years ago, I read a story about a man who was constantly being hassled by British police wherever he went. Turns out that he had once attended some kind of relatively innocent demonstration and that got him into a police data base that got his car or his face flagged wherever he went.
19 December 2018
Here is more: https://rightsinfo.org/mass-surveillance-in-londons-west-end/ (Mass Surveillance In London’s West End As Unmarked Police Vans Scan 18,000 People Per Minute)
It’s happened before, a few years ago, when people in wheelchairs and pensioners
(off the top of my head) protested against their ability to travel being severely cut short. Police hit back hard.
Here is a link:
In both situations, people were knocked unconscious by police.