Not flattering. Not romantic. And not addressed.

25:00: Yes. Get a new car, get a new job, and in a different field, move to a place to which you have no connections and change your name if you can. (The latter is easy in some countries, near-impossible in others.)

I know someone who had to do that in the Netherlands, who got the same advice from the police. She did. He did eventually find her but that was much later and he spoke with someone else; she was not at home at the time. He’d lost his interest by then.

The reason why the police took her seriously from the get-go is that this guy had already tried to kill her.

There’s nothing romantic or flattering about stalking.

When it concerns someone wit for example a learning disability, it is just as scary because women aren’t mind-readers and there is no telling what someone may do. But in this case, mediation can make a world of difference.

28:00: In England, the police take no interest at all in stalking risk assessments (S-DASH), has been my own experience.

So this guy is out of prison now? So I did a web search.

So this is the result.

As you can see…

This is not working. Stalking is currently not being addressed, not being remedied. The (rare) prosecution wins do not equal “success” for the stalking targets.

“Ms McDonald is so worried he will continue to stalk her that she wants Gardiner to wear an electronic ankle bracelet to monitor his movements.”

I am curious whether neurofeedback has ever been tried on people who exhibit stalking behaviours.

When I started watching these videos, I initially thought that – ha ha – her stalker turned out to be that FBI analyst. He does not strike me as autistic (Asperger’s). He strikes me as possibly having NPD. I don’t see the out-of-control anger of borderline personality disorder – abandonment issues – but I do see a tendency for control and this tendency to tarnish the reputation of people and the attempts to mess with her, that goes with NPD rather than with anything else. But… I am merely chucking this out of my hat like imaginary rabbits out of an imaginary magician’s hat. There are other disorders out there that I am simply not familiar with.

Your life becomes a coffin. Cognitive deficits and the stalking of Laurisa Anello by Curtis Harper.

Moment of Truth: Stalking Back (1993):

Review in LA Times, by Jon Matsumoto:

Review in Variety, by Michael Frym:

Stranger-stalking is no joke, by me:

In this video, I discuss the stalking of Laurisa Anello by Curtis Harper. Laurisa was 14 years old when this began. Harper probably engaged in what is known as sadistic stalking but that is usually carried out by very smart individuals who for example know a great deal about electronic communications – like Anthony Burstow, who stalked Tracey Sant for about a decade and even formally changed his last name to that of one of her boyfriends/partners – but in the case of the stalking of Laurisa Anello, it seems that cognitive deficits play a role. He doesn’t strike me as a cunning sadist.

I have been the target of sadistic stalking for 13 years and counting. It’s highly manipulative and intended to mess with people’s heads and hurt people. It’s just a game for whoever is doing this, as far as I can tell. Curtis Harper wasn’t that kind of stalker. He needed some kind of support that he wasn’t getting. But there are similarities, such as the fits of anger when you “reject” the stalker.

I made a 180-degree turn – stopped trying to escape from the stalking – and decided to start figuring out what exactly stalking is, what motivates it, how it comes about. It’s all in the mind of person who is doing the stalking and there often is some kind of neurodiversity involved.

Stalking & harassment: Not a policing matter

Stalking & harassment should not be a policing matter.

It’s a public health & safety matter. It does not just concern the risk whether someone will get stabbed to death but also whether the target will be allowed to work and make a living. Being stalked can easily cut ten years from your life expectancy.

Stalkers often seem to feel that the target owes them, that they own the target and that it is cruel of the target not to “love” them back.

There should be a specialised organisation with specialised forensic psychologists and psychiatrists, researchers and IT experts, but also (former) targets and (former) stalkers. Therapists who can teach those who engage in stalking behaviours about respecting other people’s boundaries and how to communicate differently should also be in the mix.

In addition, the police should check the identity of anyone who files a report thoroughly. That time when I went to the police and was told that I had already filed the same report a few days earlier and that the police had even already stopped by at my home address, the officer behind the counter consulted a colleague at a desk and I heard her ask “Is it the same woman?” A flabbergasting experience.

Now on ITV: Beautiful Molly McLaren. Stabbed to death in her car. Nothing “romantic” or “flattering”about it.

Watch the video about Molly – it’s online at ITV at the moment – and weep for her friends and parents.

For god’s sake, stop perpetuating the myth that stalking is flattering and romantic, because it never is.

It is my impression that the police mishandled the case of Molly McLaren. That’s largely because police officers are completely unequipped to assess such cases, however. The authoritarian approach that police officers tend to take likely can actually trigger violence.

It’s not a “social media murder”. You could just as easily call it a “fitness” murder. Social media are a normal aspect of our lives. The role that social media may have played – but that isn’t even certain, apparently – is that her killer may have used her social media to find out where she was that day.

Another problem with social media can be that people like Joshua Stimpson read things into social media posts that aren’t there. But they also do that with for example the spoken word.

In the past decade or so, probably mainly in the years 2011 – 2015, I’ve often felt that I couldn’t even sneeze on social media without it being misinterpreted by whoever was so obsessed with me. Just like Molly when she took him back after she broke up with Josh the first time, I’ve often felt that I had no choice but to try and appease whoever’s been messing with me. I’ve far too often been afraid of that person’s response because nothing I did was ever right in his eyes, it seemed.

My very existence often seemed to be experienced by him as an insult to his face. One day, there was this “you’re actually a really nice woman” and I thought “no shit, Sherlock”. It didn’t change a thing, however.

It’s happened to me, years ago, that I posted some kind of tribute – three videos – to some American musician who passed away a long time ago and it was misinterpreted as me trying to say something that I had not intended at all. It was just a few songs that I posted, nothing more, nothing less.

Location can be faked too, by the way. Just like caller ID, IP address and everything else. My location is sometimes Devon or places like Liverpool and it even is sometimes Scotland. I’m in Hampshire. It’s not me who does this. It’s my hacker routing me through various IP addresses, I suspect. (I can’t see O2 doing this, but maybe I am wrong about that.)

This is why we need a separate organisation that deals with reports of stalking and harassment

Police officers DO NOT POSSESS THE KNOWLEDGE to be able to triage such reports accurately. The required knowledge is almost never at hand. That is not only the case in the UK.


I am so sorry, Gracie, and Gracie’s family. Along with other (mental and physical) health-related issues, stalking and harassment remain the most difficult issues for the police to deal with because they’re unequipped to handle them and it’s rarely high on their agenda as so many reports are silly “he said, she said” quarrels, filed not in fear and concern but merely to spite another person. This field is much more a public health matter rather than a policing matter.

Update on previous post

24 November 2021, 16:08
Have meanwhile contacted the party who issued the item that was taken from my flat, on Monday, but have not heard back yet.

I had had the item in my hands a few days previously and am angry with myself for not having kept it with me. But I cannot go around having everything with me that I do not want anyone who keeps picking the locks to take from within my flat. It is impossible!

I think it’s part of him having been busy thwarting something that I was trying to do, a professional activity, that is. I had received a survey about this item, which I completed and which revealed that I planned to use the item. I have meanwhile realised later that that too may have been spoofed – asking me about my use of the item.

To be specific, he has cut off a very important form of transport for me.

I have asked for a replacement of the item, but so many access methods are app-only these days so I don’t know whether I will be able to get a replacement. I cannot do anything app-based, in this case, for all sorts of reasons. The previous time that I used this transport, he messed with that too. (It cost me money, while I didn’t get to use the transport, but I can blame mainly my own stupidity for that little silly incident.)

This time, it’s really mean what he’s done. Unless the replacement for the item is in the mail or my poltergeist returns the item. He does often return items, sometimes after a few months, sometimes after years. But I have a feeling that he is really out to damage me now.

He probably has no idea how much his actions often scare me, regarding the things that he does and also regarding how angry he sometimes gets when I protest. Because there is nobody there. It’s all anonymous, from a distance. It is so creepy. Unhealthy, too. I can’t keep bottling this up because there is not anyone to talk with about this, nobody to go to and say “stop this shit!” to (even though I have a pretty good idea of who did this, in practice, this time).

YOU need to be aware of this because YOU will fall for this because YOU do not believe that this happens and that this is even possible

A LinkedIn Learning course about deepfake videos, shallowfakes, deepfake audio and more. And most of this almost anyone can do. Some of this software was made for podcasting, for example.

By the way, sites where you can check the accuracy of news are as well as and

Oh, and you need to check out this too:

Stalking and Asperger’s

So I did a web search.

That’s the International Board of Credentialing and Continuing Education Standards. There are people who mediate in courts, who serve as advocates for autistic people and this organisation has training (and a certificate).

From the IBCCES site.

This is a former police officer.

That’s him:

From Michael Fitzgerald’s website… Okay, this fits.

I have meanwhile done some thinking about this. I think it was the detective (link above) who talked about someone following women and taking photos of them. (Yeah, that happened to me too. I thought I was imagining it until the moment came when it was clear that I was not.)

I think I sort of get this, from the Asperger’s side. Having thought a lot about various forms of neurodiversity including certain personality disorders is very slowly starting to give me an intuitive feel for how these things work.

I had a friend with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), have known her for decades. I mentioned that in videos as well as in one of my books. What I didn’t mention is that she actually was the one who brought it up and that is why I looked into it. To protect her identity, I wrote that the friendship fell apart, in the book. It had not yet, but it may have now. Time will tell.

She needles, sometimes in a stealthy way, imagining that people won’t see it. She may give you “Success for Dummies”. She may tell you that the big pharmaceutical companies have programs that give free meds to poor people. She may make fun of you in all sorts of ways. But she also has a lot of genuinely helpful practical tips and a great sense of humor. She’s highly intelligent and for that reason alone already usually highly enjoyable company.

Next, I discovered that I’ve also had an autistic friend for decades. (She’s confirmed that. She is not highly autistic but I have stumbled over hiccups a few times in the past and have apologized to her.)

I am sort of starting to develop a feeling for what brings someone with Asperger’s to stalk women. Autistic people see things from a different angle and that gives them a very different perspective on things. Their logic is different. My autistic friend’s logic is also very different at times, which can be very baffling and even infuriating if you don’t know about the autism and don’t know what’s behind some of her conclusions.

I sometimes see something similar with intelligent non-human animals too. That their logic is different, not flawed, that they see things from their viewpoint, not the mainstream human viewpoint (which is often based on certain facts and without those facts, you can draw very different but equally valid conclusions, I’ve learned).

From the above, it appears that it is not necessarily – as I initially thought and mentioned in one of my books – people with NPD and/or psychopathy – who engage in so-called sadistic stalking.

Triage in stalking and harassment cases

As some of you know, I feel strongly that dealing with cases of stalking and harassment should not be a police matter. Instead, new organizations should be set up, with specialized investigators, psychologists and psychiatrists as well as experienced IT experts. (white paper)

Triage should be standard. There should be tailored approaches for how to deal with – for example – an autistic individual who is perceived as a stalker and a psychopathic or schizophrenic individual who is harassing someone, not to mention the regular hiccups that go with broken relationships, with the guy genuinely believing he can still patch things up while the woman has moved on and reports his behaviour as harassment and/or stalking.

Well, one method you could use in triage is language analysis.

This kind of analysis has also been used to detect trolls on Twitter, if memory serves me right. I seem to remember having read a study that found psychopathic traits in the word patterns of trolls, something along those lines. That’s the written word.

You might also be able to use it for the spoken word. Psychopaths, for example, aren’t smooth talkers, I just learned from the video below. That struck me as a little funny because I happen to dislike listening to one particular neuroscientist who imaged his own brain, discovered he is a psychopath and now gives lots of public appearances about this discovery. That’s because of the relatively clumsy way in which he speaks. Lots of “dysfluencies”. Wouldn’t it be handy if that turns out to be some kind of golden rule? If only…! It takes a little bit more than that, obviously. It’s certainly not true that all people whose speech is not fluent are psychopaths and it isn’t even true that all psychopaths pose a problem.

Note that this video is from 2012.

Stalking is not an anxiety problem

Yesterday evening, a religious person asked me if he could pray for me. He then “asked Jesus to help me deal with my anxiety so that I could be free again”. I stopped him in his tracks. I interjected:

“Anxiety is not the problem. I need to be able to work.”

Until that moment I had not realised yet that many people may see stalking as a problem that is caused by anxiety on the side of the target. If only the target’s anxiety would go away, stalking would cease to be a problem? Wrong.

While it is true that taking a zen approach when being stalked helps with the psychological side, stalking mainly presents practical problems for the target.

Imagine being a fitness coach who has a stalker. Can you justify continuing your work? Can you justify exposing other women to the risk that they become stalked next? Or, too?

Sadistic stalking: What it is like to be a target

It is like being a witness to a bank robbery and people around you concluding that you must be either a bank robber or a dishonest clerk.

I know. Bank robberies are getting rarer and rarer. But the example still works well as something to compare this with. Instead of a bank, maybe you can picture a jewellery store if that makes the comparison better for you.

Imagine you happen to be inside a bank when it gets robbed. Police will show up, take your witness statement and you may even be offered counselling. You will receive a lot of sympathy and support from the people you know and also from many people you don’t know.

If you become the target of sadistic stalking, however, and describe someone else’s behaviour – describe what happened, as you would do after a bank robbery – something really weird happens.

People think that YOU are the one who robbed the bank, so to speak.

But when you describe another person’s behaviour when that is focused on obtaining a financial gain, people believe you.

Stalking and criminal harassment

This morning, Laura Richard’s newsletter dropped into my e-mail box. Laura founded Paladin National Stalking Advocacy Service.

The current approach, namely that stalking is a regular police matter, does not work. In my opinion, assessing and investigating stalking should become the domain of specialized task forces containing specialized psychologists, psychiatrists and IT specialists. They’d be much more efficient and effective.

  • Police now waste a lot of time and resources on “stupid shit” that is not actually stalking. It leads to police fatigue, the assumption that any new reported incidence of stalking is bound to be more time-wasting “stupid shit”. (Many police officers prefer to investigate issues like money-laundering.)
  • Police do not have the required psychology and psychiatry knowledge. It is fair to say that the stalking knowledge of the average police officer is similar to that of the average homeless meth addict. Police officers are not able to distinguish between cases that are merely “stupid shit” and cases that contain a serious threat to someone’s safety.
  • Currently, going to the police is often the worst thing to do when you are being stalked in a worrisome manner. It enrages the stalker but also confirms that he is in control and untouchable.
  • Police do not have the required IT knowledge. It is a persistent myth that stalkers always only use their own public name in digital stalking and never use advanced IT knowledge. And, unfortunately, police take any kind of printed digital matter at face value. (I could easily fake printed evidence that anyone – even, say, Barack Obama or Donald Trump – sent me an e-mail stating that he is going to kill me. If I use the name of any random local individual and print that faked e-mail to me, police are likely to accept it as evidence. Police prefer printed matters as they can be scanned into the computer system whereas any kind of other evidence “would likely get lost”.)

Specific examples?

Police clearly failed Shana Grice who was fined for wasting police time when she reported stalking, then was killed by her stalker.

Police may actually have precipitated the murder of Molly McLaren but, in any case, could and should have foreseen the attack on her, hence should have acted to prevent it, in theory. The murder of Bijan Ebrahimi could have been prevented too.

This is not the fault of the police. It is the result of police being unequipped to deal with stalking cases.

Shana Grice’s, Bijan Ebrahimi’s and Molly McLaren’s are examples of sad cases that make it into the limelight. Most don’t, yet happen anyway.

On the other hand, cases of stalking can also involve people with, for example, certain intellectual deficiencies whose behaviour puzzles other people so much that they don’t know how to deal with it and feel stalked. Police do not know how to deal with that either. Criminalizing such people (with learning difficulties or intellectual disabilities) serves no purpose whatsoever, and only does harm. It is a matter of educating the public. (I once spotted a poster about this at my local police station, from a foundation or charity.)