UPDATE: Both computers down again

The doorbell rang this morning and someone came running upstairs.

It was surely a coincidence but some time after that BOTH my computers suddenly stopped working again. At the same time! Like last time. (Before Easter.) When I was warned that if I didn’t shut up about what is going on, I’d be punished again.

This morning there was shit on my phone, too. Something flashed on my screen, like an emergency services light, like crazy, when I tried to look at a (different) e-mail.

It said: “(The Future is) Flying You To The Danger Zone”.

I later realized that this was an email, but it wasn’t flashing. It was just an e-mail (from Futurism) and I had not even clicked on it when it did the flashing. Could have been a coincidence. Sure.

Yesterday, as I was typing text the phrase “4chan/8chan”, it suddenly blew up on my computer screen to supersize, however.

Punishment also happened in, for example, 2010. After I had written on my website what was going on, I suddenly could no longer access my business email. I did a traceroute that clearly showed the diversion and printed it. Unfortunately, you can’t take that to the police…

To and about the local 4chan/8chan etc users who target me

To others: why do I frame it this loosely? There are many of these online message boards onto which anyone can post, anonymously, and whip up hate.

I don’t know anyone in Portsmouth, at all, and nobody in Portsmouth knows me. Besides thinking that I had a deranged stalker on my tale I also thought, for a while, that I was being targeted from pubs – one in particular, as it was once mentioned to me, in a sudden invitation from someone to come over and it had something to do with something political going on in town and this pub happens to be in the area from which I am being targeted and because I know another pub from where someone else was being targeted – and people’s living rooms. That probably is true.

But a lot of this stuff is organised online. Hate against random people is whipped up anonymously on these 4chan and 8chan and other online message boards, usually on the basis of completely made-up bullshit (just like a lot of hate in English communities is often whipped up on the basis of alcohol-fueled bullshit made up in pubs on Friday night).

So, you lot.

I am not allowed to do ANYTHING whatsoever because I am a cunttard or whatever you folks call women?

I am supposed to BEG you white local males who are so young that you are still wet behind your ears – with amniotic fluid – for money?

Ha. Think again.

The bombardment with sexual imagery and word plays that you subjected me to, including the container you cut up on my kitchen counter here so that it resembled female genitalia in your mind and the carved peach you threw onto my secluded patio back when I was still living in Southsea. I now know which of the tenants above me was responsible for that, namely that young guy who sat there outside looking extremely sheepish one day. He fits the demographic that I have run into time and time again since then. This particular guy is in his thirties now, but busloads of roughly 20-year-olds keep taking his place here in town, get fed the same hateful bullshit and whipped up into the same hate against me.

To others… Did you know that a “wizard” is a male virgin of over 30 years old? And “femoid” as well as “succubus” (demons-like creature) stands for “woman”. (And “roastie”, see below.)

Oh, and I guess I was LARPed again a week ago…

Acronym for Live Action Role Playing. In incel communities it is used to describe someone pretending to be someone they are not.


There is also something about water bottles, btw. Here locally, I mean. I don’t know yet what it stands for. Water bottles play a role in Minecraft, but that’s as far as I have gotten at this point (right now) and I can’t find any local meaning in that magic potion connotation. (Okay, it is intended to “give someone the finger”? Used to jam into someone’s anus. https://www.reddit.com/r/4chan/comments/2zavjr/water_bottles/)

I’ve been running into them for a while… Can’t help but wonder what they stand for, but I had not looked into this yet. Now I know.

roastie = “A term used for a woman, commonly a thot or slut, who has slept around so much, her vagina is so loose and used up, it is claimed to look like roast beef.”

To incels, of course, all women are roasties, too.

Yes, indeed!

Roasties is sexist slang used by incels and others in the male internet culture for sexually active women—or really just women in general.”

So, THIS is why some women started having surgeries that made their genitals look like (literally) babies’ or small children’s? I used to worry that it was related to child abuse.


Here’s another one that you need to be aware of:

“To run train (or run a train) refers to when multiple men have sex with a woman one after the other, with or without consent.”

(“Outside of sex, to run train on something can mean “to dominate” it,
as in a sporting event or video game, or to do something
energetically and thoroughly, as in to run train on an exam.”)

Also watch the video in this article and read the article:


“As a woman, you’re a secretary, mother, baby sitter, but never an equal.”

“The guys were bragging about how they like to smack their women to humiliate them.”

She also talks about burning books about Jewish people, at parties in New York.

Controlling my computer

What he seems to do is he somehow manages to get me to install an OEM version. And then he logs into the OEM part? I had noticed before that when I installed my computer, the normal formatting of the HDD wasn’t part of it any longer. And he just seems to have done this again. But how he manages to access the thing, that I have not figured out yet. Haven’t detected any added hardware but these things can be tiny.

I’m talking about the newer computer now. The other one, well, let’s just say that he really hates for people to find out what he does. He’s still furious that I don’t keep my mouth shut. He, they, whatever.

But this entire town is rotten.

Ha ha

How COLD this phone is when people aren’t fucking around in it! I have gotten so used to it being warm all the time and often being really hot.

(But make no mistake, these hate-fuelled and hate-spewing 4chan and 8chan creeps aren’t gone yet. They also operate IRL and there was overnight crap.)

Also… turns out that some of my incoming calls were being forwarded to an unknown 078 number.

My two disabled computers

Just before Easter, both my computers were put out of action in retaliation for not keeping my mouth shut about what has been going on locally (the shit coming from local 4chan folks etc).

This sort of thing had happened before.

I removed the batteries and all that to clear any possible shit that way but I had noticed over the years that there is always too much space on my harddisks that I can’t access and for which there’s no reason.

No legitimate reason, that is.

The same people who pick my locks can also simply plug a USB stick into my computers and start them up to do all sorts of shit to them.

Any OS that I download doesn’t have to be clean either, of course, as it may well be provided by these local 4chan and 8chan jokers.

Yesterday, I was suddenly able to reinstall my old OS and that struck me as highly suspicious. With good reason, as it turns out.

I’ll see what I can do.

Portsmouth essentially is one big Mafia organisation. Portsea Island is like Sicily, perhaps? I’ve never been to Sicily.

I know what is in that locked-off bit of HD.

Not having access to clean machines SUCKS! I am not aware of even one clean computer in Portsmouth at the moment. Not one.

(I knew of one, but the pandemic has made it disappear. In the second half of 2016, I discovered 3 that had not been hacked into yet; they then soon were, too, because someone figured out where I had managed to apply for JSA.)

Installed a different OS, which I first tried two days ago, after I had managed to get it to install via accessing and preparing the harddisk first via another portable OS first. (Yesterday afternoon, I tried my old OS, but that did not leave me happy.) But two days ago, I could update the current one after installation. Now I am told “page not found”.

This time, I had about 17 Gig acting up during the prep, but the second OS seemed to install fine… and I seemed to have the entire hard disk available. So that‘s likely not it.

What this may be is a joker at a provider blocking my access to the updates. Or maybe I made a mistake somewhere. (I did one thing differently. Who knows.)

Whatever it is, I will sort it out.

9.06pm: Yep, nope, the computer won’t connect to updates. This is linked to me having lost the internet connection after I called the police yesterday evening and with private DNS.

I noticed some time ago that the latter was getting messed with and already years ago, messing with my DNS settings was how I ended up on someone else’s network, after which I had open ports when I finally managed to get myself off that person’s network.

So yes, the 4chan/8chan folks are still at it.

What is so immensely mean about it is that they first plunge you into the deepest poverty so that you can no longer defend yourself against these criminals.

Then they make sure that you stay in that poverty and can’t make a dime and can’t move away either… 100% access and control.


9:26pm: my phone had been really got for a long time until I typed this bit. Conclusion: hacker wasn’t sure that he had really blocked off this bit of internet access?

Most of this hacking shit tends to coincide with someone else’s presence in this building, just like a lot of other stuff. I’m sure it is merely all a coincidence, each instance of this.

But in a town as hateful towards women as Portsmouth, everyone is okay with this immensely vile shit.

yep, he is back and my phone is getting hot again

What do I do with this? Kill the guy? I may have to. No other options left.

Full on war

Yesterday evening, I called the police, to make a brief statement. I have zero faith in the police.

Shortly after that, my phone was completely offline.

This morning, it would not even update time.

Resetting the network settings remedied that but the problems are far from solved.

I am in a full on war situation and have been since I first visited Portsmouth.

No more.

It’s not an unhinged stalker.

It’s a full on war with (mostly but not exclusively based in Portsmouth) 4chan and 8chan types.

And they seem to call themselves “Google”.

Here we go again

My VPN – I started using it again last night – said that I was connected to the Netherlands. Google said that it thinks I am in London. The phone was acting a bit weird, so I rebooted it. It now says that I am connected to the US and I have examples in Cyrillic in my search bar.

And the phone is suddenly really hot again.

4chan? 8chan? What’s that?

Search the web!

Yes, folks.

I’ve said it before, more or less jokingly. Didn’t really think that it could really be the case, I suppose. Because it would be so utterly stupid.

But I’ve been highly critical of this movement, too. For years. They are nowhere near the benevolent force for good that some people mistake them for.

These are folks who want to be feared.

It’s not an organisation, either. It’s not organised, at all. It’s a very loosely connected mass movement of people who hang out not only online but offline as well.

There are good people in it and there are bad people in it and they sometimes carry out good things but they are also into a lot of really bad sinister shit. I consider them as being mostly about hate. Dumb blind hate.

It explains why over the years I have gotten so many different explanations for what’s been going on, including that it was my business name that had brought this upon me.

It explains it all. Everything.

Every aspect of it.

(Phone gets hot again.)

About a month ago, someone who is tied into this shit too, one way or another, mentioned them. As the solution to my problem. But in a really off way.

Here’s the thing.

This had happened before.

It also explains why years ago, I was suddenly told “You’re actually a really nice woman” after which I thought “No shit, Sherlock!” but that the hate against me continued relentlessly nevertheless.

That’s because that particular person may well have stopped hassling me from that point onward but everyone else continued.

It explains why a Dutch IT person or hacker or whatever suddenly sent me a computer drawing of a train platform with a retractable ramp for users of wheelchairs and mobility scooters. Came completely out of nowhere. It seemed to be intended to be helpful.

An artwork of dark and light? I’ll say! More dark than light, though. A lot more dark. And more fingers and penises than brain cells?

It explains it all. Everything. Every goddamn aspect of it, of what’s been happening to me, the vicious shit that has been done to me, and why I don’t seem to be able to get rid of this stuff no matter where I go.

Consider this: I didn’t actually know anyone in England! So how else could I have drawn this to me? Why else did I also get really bizarre things in my life like being invited to online professional networks where I then receive lots of messages… For example from… babies. The kind that is literally in diapers.

It may even explain that when I wanted to install OpenBSD, trying to get around the non-stop interference, none of the books about UNIX were on their shelf at the public library, but they had not been checked out. It explains why any OS or anything else I download is potentially already tainted.

In my opinion, what Anonymous does is mostly malicious. They don’t want to be seen as doing good, they want to be seen as powerful, a force to be reckoned with and to be feared.

“anything goes”

The so-called good that they do is too often about attacking things and people on the basis of rumours, without any due diligence, and with very little consideration for possible consequences.

Think attacking a nuclear power plant on a whim because they don’t like the woman – or country – that runs it, wanting to make her – or it – look bad or just put the power plant out of action.

Plant explodes, doing a great deal of damage to several countries. This sort of dumb shit. Oops.

No, they have not literally done this yet, but they’ve done similar stupid shit. Oops, wrong person. Oops, it wasn’t all quite what we thought was going on. Oops, wrong country whose government websites we put out of action. Or right country but the problem isn’t actually its government. Oops.

These are also lots of neonazi’s, QAnon folks and so on in this movement. Incels, too. All thrown together with no real coordinator. Just drivers, gas pedals and fingers.

They’re an uncoordinated crowd. Of people who work at banks, internet providers, power companies and so on and so forth.

And apparently this movement is quite massive?

Here’s something about QAnon that explains how this kind of mass bullshit works:


None of it has anything whatsoever to do with who I am. It’s all happening in the basis of utter bullshit nonsense that gets spread around by these types of movements. Doesn’t matter who you are, has nothing to do with who or what you are. Anyone and anything can grab their attention and the whole thing can then spin totally out of control.

Here is another example of how this stupid bullshit works:


Worrisome! (sabotage, continued)

  • My work for universities etc? All sabotaged to death. None left.
  • My LinkedIn account? Sabotaged to death.
  • Development of new local acquaintance with who I had hoped to be able to go on walks? Sabotaged. Apparently because “I need to be at home for my two boys”?
  • The local wildlife work I’ve been trying to develop for years and for which I set up a separate website some time ago? Sabotaged to death.
  • Two attempts to obtain Universal Credit? Unsuccessful (and accompanied by really weird experiences).
  • Interesting project in the US for which I needed to be vetted by a US govt dept? (The latter is not that strange in this case, but I did look into the company and I also consulted someone else about this. Spent money on getting various certificates and statements, too.) Apparently also being sabotaged to death or completely faked. I put in a request for feedback/information from others yesterday, received a response by email this morning, then clicked on the link and got “page not found”. Am now trying to get in contact with another company, in relation to this, and am unsuccessful. This – below – is what I wanted to let them know.

    Keep in mind that there is someone out there who already has 4 or 5 of my bankcards and an official original driving licence issued to me AND that Portsmouth Police told me a few years ago that I had already been there to report something and that they had been to my home about it, too (while asking each other “Is it the same woman?”). (Portsmouth Police? Less than useless.)

(My – often bullying – neighbour is at it again, too, at the moment. Apparently because I said “hi” to his dog yesterday; I grew up with a dog exactly like his except it was male. My other neighbour is not in at the moment, of course. Ha! Typing this instantly put a stop to it!)


I am the owner/founder of ABC (a small business started in Amsterdam in 1997 now located in England) as well as the Company Director of Credabilius Ltd.

About a month ago, I had a Zoom conversation with someone claiming to be a representative for a company called XYZ, which is based in Washington DC. This company appears legit and the contact was initiated by me after having seen a post about an interesting project for which they needed qualified people.

This was followed by a flurry of emails as well as a request to supply various confidential materials for the purpose of vetting by the US government, for the project. This latter request was not unusual in view of the nature of the project, but I consulted someone else about this and I also looked into the company in question, which often also seems to work for US Homeland and then requires exclusively US citizens.

This e-mail exchange took place on an email address that I often use in the early stages of certain activities, namely xyz@gmail.com. I received an unsigned agreement that I was asked to sign and was sent this link for uploading the documentation:

This was supposed to be my personal folder for uploading documentation. I had to submit requests and payment for the various certificates and statements, but in the meantime, I already uploaded documentation I had such as ID and diplomas. Oddly enough, I then heard nothing at all.

I emailed to ask if the documents had been safely received as I can’t actually look into the folder. The answer was affirmative. Again, I heard nothing further.

I’ve meanwhile received the various statements that I had to put in requests for, but have held off on uploading those as again, I have heard nothing from the company since.

I called the company yesterday, twice, and my experiences with those two calls were rather odd. I didn’t get to talk with anyone in charge who could give me more information.

I am urgently asking you to delete the contents of that folder and verify the identity of the company that appears to be behind it and report this to the authorities, if necessary.

I don’t know what is going on here. Is my international ID now being faked to open bank accounts and what not? Is something else going on? I am highly concerned.

Below is a list that includes documents that I have uploaded:

  • pp.pdf
  • additional information.pdf (with names of contacts at NATO, and US ID)
  • up to 4 PNG files containing screenshots (awaiting paper certificate sent by postal mail)
  • up to 6 PDF files having filenames starting with SOUREN (diplomas etc)
  • Certificate ordered – Order a certificate – GOV.UK.pdf
  • Result clear.pdf

Please get back to me about this as a matter of urgency.

Thank you.


Angelina Souren

An example of policing going wrong

Someone has been stealing all kinds of documents from me. This began about five years ago. That’s when I first started getting some odd requests for copies of passport and driving licence, but it did seem legit, just a change in policy at a particular company.

But far too many items started disappearing from my postal mail too.

There is someone out there who has 4 or 5 bank cards in my name, has a valid driving licence in my name, and a few other bits and pieces in my name.

You can’t report this kind of activity anywhere. You just have to put up with it.

Is someone trying to “create” a second me, to cast a weird light on me?

The local police, at some point, told me that I had already stopped by with a particular complaint, and that they had already been to my home about it, too.

But the officer stepped to someone at a desk in the background, and I could hear them ask each other “Is it the same woman?”

It’s been my experience that when you go to the police to file a police report, nobody checks your ID or verifies your address.

You can also go to the police here and claim that someone has been harassing you and if you give the police that person’s name and address, the police will usually deliver a so-called Police Information Notice (PIN) without the police ever checking into the validity of the complaint.

Ill-meaning people can do a heck of a lot of damage that way.

Because these un-investigated PINs can lead to arrests. Getting arrested means having a criminal record. Without the police doing even the slightest bit of investigating.

(Depending on the outcome of the arrest, that criminal record may expire again after a number a years, however. Still…)

Continue reading

He’d warned me

The past few days, he kept scrolling my pages down to this:

He goes “bad” in the middle of the night. Usually does his bad stuff around 3am. I imagine he was busy writing code all night, ready to load it into my computer at the start of my day.

Eh, wait, no. He’s done the same thing before, with this installation. He only needed to adapt the code he already had, because the damage is more extensive this time.

Goes for the other computer too.

Imagine that your life is so empty… It’s sad, really. Not that god-like at all.

I haven’t done any exploring to see which bits still work and which ones don’t or pulling batteries etc just in case he’s mostly messed with the bios. That would be letting him dictate how I spend my time.

I was busy writing and editing today, yesterday and tomorrow. Was going to alternate that with some outdoor activities, but the latter haven’t materialised yet.

So I’m just reading, for the sake of what I was working on. I can’t be bothered trying to get my computers working again. This stuff he pulls has gone stale. He’s been doing this for over a decade. It really does become very boring eventually.

Here we go again. God is acting up.

The hacker’s disabled BOTH my computers. Nothing new. This has been his usual modus operandi for over 13 years.

Let’s see what I can do about that. He’s also disabled the optical drive, by the looks of it, so that I can’t do any repairs or a fresh install. That too has happened before.

Okay, I will do the dishes and laundry and read some more books, then.

Shrinks, fix this dude, please. He’s broken. Thanks.

Anna Nasset – and my books’ availability

See my e-mail. I gifted you the e-book and sent you a link that gives you free access to the course.

Oddly enough, none of my Kindle books seem available in the US so I couldn’t gift it to you from Amazon.com.

I logged into Amazon.com through a server in California and Amazon notified me of that, so the VPN option did work this time.

No wonder nobody ever buys my Kindle books in the US… They’re not available for purchase, apparently. Is this the same for all other countries as well?

If so, who’s unpublished my books over there?

The trouble with being stalked

If I were a witness to a bank robbery – perhaps because I was a bank employee – and described what happened, nobody would accuse me of being a bank robber or say that I merely imagined the robbery.

If you’re stalked by a crazy person and talk about what’s happening, people are quick to think that you are the crazy one, however. Because what is happening is crazy. But you can’t describe something that is crazy and make it not sound crazy.

Me, I just want my life back.

Sneezing online

How many times have you worried, in the past two years, about not wearing a facemask when you were online?

I bet you are frowning right now.

What is she talking about?

Seriously, even if you were sneezing into your phone, have you ever worried about not wearing a mask and affecting the people you were interacting with online?

Of course not.

That is my point.

When you’re online, other people cannot even see your face and they don’t hear your voice either.

It means that your offline sneezes won’t affect anyone online, but it also means that there is a lot of room for misinterpretation of anything you post online, no matter how trivial.

Because a lot of stuff gets blown up out of proportion.

This often creates tension, right?

Well, in the past thirteen years, I’ve often felt that I couldn’t even sneeze online without it being misinterpreted, that someone always felt that I was sneezing into his face on purpose. Or blowing kisses.

Sure, part of this has to do with the culture that I am in.

But there’s also someone out there who has a tendency to believe that everything I do and every word I type is about him.

That isn’t actually the case.

Do we need the equivalent of an online facemask? Something that makes people more mindful of others and less self-obsessed?

“It’s all about dreams and great expectations.”

“Often, at least. When things go wrong and life is difficult, it must be tempting to think that there’s something else out there, your true self, your real life. A kind of comfort. A dream that can sometimes become an obsession.”

Johanne Vik in Anne Holt’s “The Final Murder”.

Yes, it’s a novel, but this struck me.

Anne Holt is a Norwegian author, lawyer and a former Minister of Justice:

How – why – sadistic stalkers manipulate their victims (and what does it have to do with Jonty Bravery, if anything?)

Why do these folks what they do?

Why does someone at some point decide to try to drive another human being crazy through the application of the most bizarre shit, usually implemented by others so that the real culprits stay out of view?

Why do they things like drive people into deep poverty and then attempt to manipulate them through food and money?

What is behind this bizarre behaviour? Sadistic stalking makes no sense. Where is the economy behind it? What on earth do sadistic stalkers gain through it?


It’s an expression of agony and frustration. Of pain. Of despair.

Sadistic stalkers lose a lot of time and a lot of money. Their little hobby is expensive.

The economy behind it is completely missing. There is none.

Yes, the victims lose immensely. But the stalkers don’t gain anything from it.

For the record, someone has been messing with my cold-water supply. I haven’t identified the exact nature of it yet. I initially thought that it was because one of the flats was empty for quite a while. But it’s getting worse while the flat is no longer empty.

Water again… What is it with this water/ rain theme?

I can tell you one thing. This article below about this stalking clinic here has nothing to do with it. If, and it’s a big if, Hampshire Constabulary takes a stalking victim seriously and really makes an effort, it mostly concerns ex-partner stalking.

Sadistic stalking doesn’t even feature in the awareness of this particular psychologist (but I suspect that the journalist got a few of the facts wrong; there’s an error in the article).


I think I may have to return to a theory I used to entertain. Abuse of children.

Is the incidence of sadistic stalking greater in England than in other countries? We have no way of knowing.

Let’s take this a little further.

What did Tracey Morgan’s stalker say to her? He was lonely, because his wife who was also in the navy and who was also called Tracey was stationed in Asia.

Me, I got to hear “my wife’s passed away due to ALS” and “my wife left me because I was always working too hard”. I didn’t take that as a signal to take pity, but both times saw it as pure factual information as it came from a complete stranger.

Next came “I am a photography student.”

This was after I had gotten confirmation that I had not been imagining it that, after all of this began, I started spotting people who seemed to be taking photos of me.

What I am interested in is how he got people to do that? Because besides on the day that I got the confirmation that I had not been imagining it that people had been taking photos of him, I think it was usually others who did that.

Then again, I can’t be sure of that, as I didn’t know of the dude’s existence and therefore was not on the lookout for him. I’d see a flash, or a face holding a camera in front of it. Hard to see who is behind the flash or the camera.

Why do sadistic stalkers have this urge to turn others into “dance monkeys”?

Because it was once done to them?

Why did Jonty Bravery pick up a random kid and throw the kid off the balcony at the Tate?

Was it merely an expression of immense anger and frustration or was there some kind of symbolism behind it too? If so, what was the symbolism?

He had been very frustrated with his carers.

In this BBC article, it is said “There was no recent evidence that he presented a risk to other children or adults unknown to him.”

But he had made relevant announcements.

In 2018, he told some of his care workers he planned to push someone off a building and go to jail.

(Why would he want to do that? Why did he even tell them that?)

He was diagnosed as autistic at age 5. He eventually went into professional care. His parents spoke of this as follows:

“His parents thought this detrimental to his mental health, the report says.

His father told the review he felt “frustrated” at the apparent lack of expertise among private care providers dealing with his son.”

Is this type of behaviour – including sadistic stalking – a form of “acting out” as a result of abuse? Because of never being heard?

How does it tie in to the Priklopils and the Browns, the people who take others hostage and imprison them in their basements? Are they doing to others what was once done to them? These behaviours make no sense. There is no economy behind it, though the imprisonment of others in one’s basement, certainly in the case of Priklopil who carefully constructed a prison cell for his victim, does take the elimination of risk into account.

During a four-week placement in a children’s home in 2017, Bravery hit a climbing wall instructor at a leisure centre, deliberately damaged a car and assaulted a member of staff with a brick.

Later that year, he dragged a member of staff along the floor by her hair and, in 2018, he disclosed he was planning to kill his stepmother and sister.

The review says: “It is evident that professionals working with (Bravery) at this time did not think he would act on these statements, which were seen as attention-seeking behaviour.

“This was because all of (Bravery’s) actions were viewed as products of his autistic behaviour and there was no consideration of these threats in a context of conduct disorder.”

Attention-seeking behaviour? “Conduct disorder”?

It boggles the mind.

Did Jonty Bravery in a sense throw himself off the balcony? The way he was being thrown off the balcony all the time, perhaps? “I want to kill someone.” Response: “Let’s ignore the boy, he is just seeking attention”.

What more could he have done to get people’s attention?

Why, did he say, he was going to do that, according to the Daily Mail? He wanted to do something that would get him sent to prison. “to be away from here”

Carers’ recording of Jonty Bravery in full 

Jonty Bravery: I’ve got it in my head, I have to, I have to kill somebody to go to prison, to be away from here…I just need to tell you….

In the next few months – it has to be, the latest has to be by February, in my head, yeah – but ideally I want to do it before. 

If I could do it right now, I would. I’ve got it in my head, a way to, a way to kill somebody. 

And I know for a fact, I’m going to go to prison, if I do that. So, I want to, one day, meet up with my dad…it could just be a friend, it could be anyone, I’m just saying specifically what I’ve got in my head, and then go out – go out for the day casually, and just go out to central London, just for the day out, yeah, as if we’re having a normal day. 

And then go and visit some of the landmarks. It could be The Shard, it could be anything, it could be – as long as it’s a high thing, and we could go up and visit it. 

And then push one of – push somebody off it. And I know for a fact they’ll die from falling from the hundred feet. There!…you happy now?

Carer: Has there been anything in particular that triggered this off?

Jonty Bravery: Moving back here and my iPad going, yeah.

Carer: So if you were to get an iPad, for example, that would basically cancel everything…

Jonty Bravery: YES!

“There! You happy now?” (You say I am crazy, so I act crazy?)

(He certainly is very angry. Frustrated. Miserable.)

Yes, maybe nothing was going on. Maybe a brain scan would show up a huge tumour or an empty space where there should be brain matter.

Why did Jonty Bravery want to “kill his stepmother and sister”? Why not his dad, too?

He has gotten a life sentence and has meanwhile gotten another sentence added onto that because he “punched a female nursing assistant in the head and face and pulled her hair, after she said she was going to clean his room at the high-security psychiatric hospital” and then “bit the finger of the second complainant because he had to come to help her”.

He responded to what he experienced as an invasion of his space or his privacy. He didn’t say “please don’t do that, can you please clean my room on another day? I am feeling pretty crappy at the moment.”

Either because he couldn’t. Or because he knew it would make no difference.

Apparently, he told the dad of the boy that he threw off the balcony that he was crazy? (It was mentioned in a tabloid.)

When kids get told all the time that they are this or that – something negative – they sometimes decide to start behaving the way that they are told they are.

How do I know that?

Because my youngest sister said that to me once. She said that after hearing her dad tell her time and time again that she was a bad person, there was a point that she decided she might as well act accordingly. But it wasn’t her. And she knew that. What went on in my dad’s mind was my dad’s problem, not my sister’s. My sister was blessed with a great brain. Jonty Bravery wasn’t. My sister isn’t autistic. She is full functional. She also had the smarts to send herself to a psychologist when she was in her twenties. The psychologist determined that she was suffering from depression. She picked herself up after my dad threw her off his balcony.

Could that be the main difference? That my sister was blessed with a great brain?41

Jonty Bravery had a stepmother. What happened to his birth mother? Apparently, his parents divorced when he was three.

What is the story behind the stalking of me?

(I know that there is WWII trauma in the family background.)

How is it even possible that someone like me – an educated adult from Amsterdam – got abused relentlessly by people around her and everyone around me considered that fine? How is it possible that Bijan Ebrahimi – a friendly adults from Iran, with a bad back – was abused for seven years by people around him and police officers and council staff and then killed and set on fire? I

Isn’t it the same story, perhaps?

Jonty Bravery’s threat was not an attempt to manipulate others into giving him his iPad back. It was a protest against people having taken it from him. The Daily Mail wrote that the carers had been “forced” to take the iPad from him. Oh really?

He badly wanted out of that council care facility. He got what he wanted, the only way he knew how.

Meanwhile, my tormentor’s (plural/singular) has been pulling the same childish shit on me, for at least about an hour already, that he also pulled a few years ago. He knows that I no longer have my computer speakers – so can’t do a thing about it – and he thinks that that will be sufficient to drive me nuts?

But I just blot it out. I ignore his shit. I have had 13+ years of it, after all.

Jonty Bravery seems to have had this this same baby-like insistence on getting his wishes fulfilled, like a baby that wants milk, that also applies to my stalker(s).

Attention-seeking behaviour? Yes. But what is it that they want? To be heard?


To be heard. They want to be heard.

When I just looked for a file, a screenshot in which my stalker confessed that he was after my attention, I found this (see below). This has always been a theme for him. He’s let this pop up in the strangest places. He’s always appeared to emphasise that he wants me to be an advocate for neurodiversity etc. But I can’t even do that if he keeps strangling me. He does not seem to understand that.

The original file, the file that I was looking for? He’s deleted it… I’ve just uploaded it again.

(He posted this after having messed with – delayed – incoming payments for 6 months. A guy who sometimes refers to me as a “car”, his “laptop”, his “bunny” and also in the past, his “wife” and his “mother”.)

How is it possible that I am standing here – no income, no food, no electricity, and in a few days, no internet access – typing the above, trying to figure out what sadistic stalking is and how I can make it stop so that I can get my life back? Is England really this batshit-crazy that it considers this a normal situation? I sure don’t.

Not flattering. Not romantic. And not addressed.

25:00: Yes. Get a new car, get a new job, and in a different field, move to a place to which you have no connections and change your name if you can. (The latter is easy in some countries, near-impossible in others.)

I know someone who had to do that in the Netherlands, who got the same advice from the police. She did. He did eventually find her but that was much later and he spoke with someone else; she was not at home at the time. He’d lost his interest by then.

The reason why the police took her seriously from the get-go is that this guy had already tried to kill her.

There’s nothing romantic or flattering about stalking.

When it concerns someone wit for example a learning disability, it is just as scary because women aren’t mind-readers and there is no telling what someone may do. But in this case, mediation can make a world of difference.

28:00: In England, the police take no interest at all in stalking risk assessments (S-DASH), has been my own experience.

So this guy is out of prison now? So I did a web search.

So this is the result.


As you can see…

This is not working. Stalking is currently not being addressed, not being remedied. The (rare) prosecution wins do not equal “success” for the stalking targets.

“Ms McDonald is so worried he will continue to stalk her that she wants Gardiner to wear an electronic ankle bracelet to monitor his movements.”


I am curious whether neurofeedback has ever been tried on people who exhibit stalking behaviours.

When I started watching these videos, I initially thought that – ha ha – her stalker turned out to be that FBI analyst. He does not strike me as autistic (Asperger’s). He strikes me as possibly having NPD. I don’t see the out-of-control anger of borderline personality disorder – abandonment issues – but I do see a tendency for control and this tendency to tarnish the reputation of people and the attempts to mess with her, that goes with NPD rather than with anything else. But… I am merely chucking this out of my hat like imaginary rabbits out of an imaginary magician’s hat. There are other disorders out there that I am simply not familiar with.