Some of my experiences with hate groups in Portsmouth

My life completely collapsed after I moved from Southampton to Portsmouth at the start of 2009. I’d become the target of something known as resentful stalking or sadistic stalking. That’s what I thought. (By the way, there is no support for victims of this strange phenomenon. None.)

However, Portsmouth also turned out to have an extremely misogynistic, gerontophobic and nasty, often even violent, character, for which it is known throughout the UK. ITV made a documentary about this. I wish I had known about this before I moved to Portsmouth. Not everyone in this town is rotten, but there are far too many bad apples and they spoil the entire town for everyone.

These are often folks who are part of movements like 4chan and 8chan. This is the only scenario that completely holds water and explains everything that has happened to me since I moved here, such as why years ago, I was suddenly told “You’re actually a really nice woman” after which I thought “No shit, Sherlock!” but that the hate against me – abuse – continued relentlessly nevertheless. That one person may have dropped off, but the others did not.

I didn’t know anyone here, so how could I have attracted so much anonymous hate after all? It’s 4chan, 8chan, that sort of thing, with a handful of incels thrown in.

I still don’t know anyone here and nobody in this town knows me, other than a handful of people by name, many of which by first name only, most of them retail staff and local politicians.

Project after project after project gets sabotaged, sometimes while playing stupid word games about “bird barriers” and what not (bird = woman – and of course, there’s also been the decapitated bird theme, for years). Postal mail I send ANYWHERE within the UK never gets a response. Never. E-mail conversations suddenly go bizarre and then die off. Text conversations end with excuses for having to miss an appointment and things like “sorry for the upheaved”. Incoming calls get forwarded to other numbers.

My life continues to be hacked to smithereens and when I log into various sites, such as email, I will often initially get the message that the folder is empty, that there are no e-mails etc and sometimes there is weird activity indicated in the bottom left of my browser window, even when I access the internet with an operating system on a USB stick. Whoever is doing this often has themes going on, such as “water” and “cigarettes”. Recently, there was some weird theme about “fonts”.

UPDATE 1 MAY 2022: The hacker just moved the mouse while I was watching a new documentary about Molly McLaren, namely when Joshua Stimpson said “Give me one more chance”.

When, a little later, I was typing something else on this page, about some other shit that has been going on, the computer froze, I had to reboot and log in to this site again and the code sent to be able to log in to my phone did not arrive. Typing was slow after that. It had been fairly normal until the computer froze. This seems to be so that anything that I am typing that 4chan doesn’t want to be online can get removed before it goes online.

He – whoever – later also moved the mouse at “sorry“, during a different video. Yes, I watch a lot of videos. When I have internet access, watching videos usually beats sleeping. There rarely is anything else I can do.

UPDATE 28 APRIL 2022: My phone had been switched to “do not disturb”. As of yesterday, I think.

UPDATE 24 APRIL 2022: My phone gets accessed independently of the SIM card. When someone is in the phone, and I press restart, the phone won’t reboot. It will go off and stay off and I need to take the battery out to get it to start again. But if I take the active SIM card out (with credit on it), I still have internet access after I have taken the active SIM card out and rebooted the phone.

This website will likely go offline at the end of May, but I will not be bullied into shutting up and shivering with fear in the corner, which I am expected to, in good old white English 4chan and 8chan tradition. I am up against a local misogynistic, xenophobic crime gang all by myself, and I have been for 13 years.

UPDATE EASTER 2022: Just before Easter 2022, both my computers were disabled in retaliation for this page. I’d received warnings about it from the hacker(s), whoever it was in real life.

Since 2009/2010, I’ve been receiving such warnings for not keeping my mouth shut about what’s been going on in my life, usually followed by retaliation for not keeping my mouth shut.

This abuse, to a large degree, appears to be coming mostly from young white males who work at the local providers, but they are part of a larger local network that for example also includes one particular postie and one or more local electricians.

Some years ago, when I needed – wanted – to pay two bills in time before Christmas, had the money but couldn’t carry out the payments for some reason, went all over town to accomplish this, I ended up purchasing an Ipad so that I could pay two people who had done some work for me asap. When I stepped into a local O2 shop for assistance, I had to give my name to get the SIM activated, and it seemed to be recognised by the young white English male in question – but not by the young woman I also spoke with – and then, on Christmas eve, I was told what I was wearing. On my Ipad. I had not covered its cameras yet.

A mere coincidence, you say? Really?

I didn’t know anyone in Portsmouth when I moved here at the start of 2009. I still don’t, but I’ve meanwhile also lost my soul, my life, my purpose and almost anything and anyone else I cared about.

Related police report case numbers include 44080 461347, 441402 84491 and 44160170391. I’ve been to Portsmouth Police about this dozens of times more. It only made things worse so I gave up on that.


What’s on this page is probably not even 1% of what I’ve been subjected to after I moved to Portsmouth at the start of 2009.

These days, having no online presence at all is a good way to avoid becoming stalked but if you are your own boss, you usually need to have an online presence. When all of this began, this website did not exist. I became very scared, and was unable to get any help. So, to protect myself, I began posting openly about what was happening to me, on MySpace, under my own name. I felt that it might stop whoever was messing with me from attacking me physically.


Let’s start with saying something about hacking. When I talk about hacking, I am referring to the kind of hacking that includes taking complete control of someone else’s equipment and communications.

Social engineering is often especially successful in towns that have lots of gullible people.


In 2009 – or was it 2010? – I once started creating a timeline with evidence, to take to the police. Within a few hours, I had hundreds of pages and I’d only gotten through a relatively short time period. I screamed in frustration.

A friend of mine had put it as follows, earlier, when all of this began and she independently verified something for me.

“No, you’re not crazy, but someone is trying to drive you crazy.”


From the day I collected the keys to my flat in Southsea in early 2009, I became bombarded with all sorts of strange stuff, such as people yelling things at me in a way that appeared to be highly deliberate, such as “Run, run, run!”, telling me to flee. But from what or who?

It was creepy. I didn’t even know anyone in Portsmouth. What on earth was going on here?

The situation quickly escalated.

Strange stuff happened on my computers, there were database hiccups all over the place at organisations such as Portsmouth City Council and BT Business, a slogan inciting sexual harassment/violence was written on the wall at my flat – with an arrow to my name – and all sorts of objects were being dropped onto my secluded patio from one of the three or four flats above me. This included a peach cut into the shape of female genitalia. There were no male teenagers in the flats above me, though, only adults and small children.

There was also for example a grey popup on my screen one morning that referred to something I had applied for. That day, I received the response to that application in the postal mail.

Within a year after moving to Portsmouth, my turnover collapsed. In 2010, I even resorted to collecting and processing acorns as food source to survive. I lost my home at the end of the year. It later turned out that some kind of database hiccup might also have had something to do with the latter, but it is hard to know for sure.


People who do this kind of thing often don’t realise how much fear they cause. As a result of the fear, however, this kind of situation can quickly end up affecting almost every decision you make. Your entire life becomes about the abuse. You become a “battered wife”. Together with manipulative behaviours intended to confuse and control, the imposed isolation can also lead to trauma bonding (Stockholm syndrome), which is a biological defence mechanism to help keep physiological stress down, not something to be blamed for or be embarrassed about. It probably is triggered by the endocrine system, to protect you.


Below is the annotated text of a Skype conversation that didn’t actually take place on Skype in October 2011. It took place in my equipment.

In the conversation below, “beef oven” refers to the IT term “penetration”.

[10/4/2011 12:27:05 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: Hello Dr. Souren,  I’m a college undergrad, and I was just wondering who wrote this article- http://www.smarterscience.com/marianatrenchbiology.html Was it you? I would like to cite it as a source

[10/11/2011 12:58:39 PM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: Hi Sara, yes, but it’s been ages ago (and I don’t have a PhD).
[10/11/2011 1:01:29 PM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: Funnily enough, I only saw your message today! Skype works in mysterious ways.

Naw man, that was beefoven

[My comment: Sara Chiaroscuro = apparently from R. D. (Robert D.) Blackman. Deacon’s dictionary of foreign phrases and classical quotations : a treasury
of reference for writers and readers of current literature]

[My comment: in said book, on two following lines “Che sara sara Chiaroscuro” and “What is to be, will be An artistic distribution of light and shade”]

[My comment: avatar = this strange-looking asymmetrical dog in a top hat]

[My comment: later the name changed into “quintisizzle” and then “non” was added in front or after and then it became just “non” and the avatar became this strange image]

[10/17/2011 12:56:47 PM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: So, you’re an artwork of bright shiny radiance and darkness, eh?

We ride together we die together


[12:07:27 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: Yes.
[12:07:29 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: Yes I am.
[12:07:37 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: Also dogs in tophats.
[12:07:55 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: Not sure why I just now got that message.
[12:09:56 AM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: Possibly because I accidentally disconnected my broadband? Nah, I sent it before. My socket is right next to the sink… and I did the dishes and this time I cleaned well.
[12:10:15 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: Impressive
[12:10:27 AM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: Impressive?
[12:10:39 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: As a college student I understand how difficult it is to motivate oneself to do dishes
[12:10:48 AM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: Ah.
[12:11:33 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: So you said you’re not a doctor?
[12:11:51 AM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: No, I am a normal human being.
[12:12:25 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: Can’t you be both
[12:13:00 AM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: I just asked myself the same question. Those who are aren’t, maybe.
[12:13:55 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: But you do research, and your website says you are a geologist and a marine biogeochemist
[12:14:14 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: Hmm.
[12:14:39 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: I don’t know a lot about the distinction between the upper levels of degrees.
[12:15:31 AM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: Dogs in tophats are not the only ones, and anyway, it doesn’t matter. Not really.
[12:17:15 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: So you’re a scientist/businesswoman filling a niche I didn’t even know existed. I think that’s pretty cool.
[12:18:20 AM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: Yeah, I’ve heard that before.
[12:19:03 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: *shrug*
[12:19:22 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: It isn’t exactly something widely portayed
[12:20:46 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: You’ve got your science, and your business, and not much where they mesh.
[12:21:19 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: Though that’s probably my ignorance showing
[12:23:17 AM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: Ah, it’s a long story.
[12:24:55 AM] Sara Chiaroscuro: Long as in you’d rather not go over it?

[1:27:25 AM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: Listen, can I be very frank? I think you need (some) help. Your view of reality appears to be quite distorted, certainly your view of my reality. Won’t you at least please tell me what is going on with you, what your story is? I’d like to know.
[1:27:57 AM] Angelina Souren @ SmarterScience .com: Give it some thought, please. Night night.

In the above conversation, “beef oven” refers to the IT term “penetration”.

Have you ever heard of the phrase “pen testing”? That’s what that refers to. Getting into a computer system.

My heart sank when I saw that “beefoven” remark because I knew then that this was once again coming from the same unknown in my view unhinged (yet in my experience also quite typically English) entity that had been doing this kind of thing for a few years already. Hence my silly remark about doing the dishes (though it’s true that my broadband socket is next to the sink).

I’ve had messages from a teacher in Canada, a geochemist in China, a woman in India who wanted to become a translator, an agency in London and many more that were all spoofed, all from what appeared to be the same character poking fun. (It often started like a normal conversation and then goes completely adrift, for example, when I then try to make an appointment for a video call.)

In 2010, what appeared to be the same character told Hampshire Police not once but twice that he had access to my computers. They missed it, both times. So frustrating. He had also informed me once how it is possible to mess with other people’s e-mails. Alter them etc. (Note that in this explanation, it required the cooperation from staff working at providers. Note also that I am based on tiny Portsea Island.)

As I mentioned above, my business had completely collapsed one, two years earlier (within a year after moving from Southampton to Portsmouth), and the guy (?) clearly seemed to have no idea what my business had actually been about.

That said, a lot of “needling” had been going on for quite a while already and this was likely merely more needling.


The “we ride together we die together” may be rather typical of a sadistic stalking scenario, but it could also refer to a person’s DID (alters).



Who this was from? Script kiddies who work at places like O2, BT Business and Virgin Media Business?


This file below is a music file playing during which someone starts poking fun again, on 19 December 2012.

It’s also happened that a voice over my headset was repeating “I love you” at increasingly softer volume. I don’t know if that was later changed into different words.

There were lots of sound effects on my computer in those days. Here is a recording that I happened to be making on my computer when such a sound effect occurred.


The above January 2013 message arrived after I had just managed to get myself off some stranger’s network. I was elated, but as a result, I still had open ports, and this is what this message is about. It is intended to be helpful. Hampshire Police have this a copy of this message, as is the case for several other items displayed on this page.


I still ran Windows in those days. I regularly did low-level formats (LLF) of the hard disk all the time after which I reinstalled Windows and all my other software. Because I had to, to stay clean.

Then one day, my Windows key came back as stolen and I could no longer reinstall Windows.

I used Sandboxie for a while to isolate all incoming files. You can still mess up when you run a sandbox; I did with this animated gif (wmv version made of the gif) below that I found in my sandbox one day.


AIso in 2013, while I was racing to finish a document I had to file for the court, as a LIP, before the counter closed at 2PM that day, Word was suddenly crashing like crazy. This stopped as soon as I was done after which Word behave perfectly fine again. My downstairs neighbour’s fire alarm was going off too, while I was struggling away on my computer but I could easily ignore that.


Next, he began picking the locks to access my equipment directly. I did not see that coming! I only got certainty about this when it had already been happening for a while. I later added, changed and upgraded locks, but it always only helped for a short while.

I had come home a few times to find my door unlocked, but told myself that I must have forgotten to lock it, even though I didn’t really believe that. I am pretty meticulous and conscientious.

He even started accessing my equipment via the power lines in the building. I already suspected that that was happening, but had no proof yet. Then came the day that I left the building, forgot something and stepped back into my office – and found a program having been opened on my by then completely offline Windows computer. That’s when I was certain. I installed a timer between the socket and the plug of the online computer; a lot of clicking followed for a while, and then a message “thought you could keep me out?”


19 July 2014: Poking fun at me, perhaps? (See above photo of screen) Yes, my mouse still gets moved sometimes.


There was that time that, when I still had a landline, whenever I picked up my phone, it would tell me “You have reached the mailbox of Death’s Door Quest.” followed by the announcement that there was no more space, that the mailbox was full. That lasted at least about two weeks; I simply stopped checking after a while.

At around the same time – this was in 2014 – when I was setting up a new business for which there appeared to be a great need, someone on Twitter contacted me about a man who could do with my assistance. She was a family friend, she said. I looked into the matter, set up a petition, got people to sign that petition, sent faxes, made calls.

One of those calls was to a journalist who during our conversation suddenly started deviating from the truth so much – instead starting to talk about something that had happened in my own life in the past, which is how I ended up with part of the expertise I was offering in the first place, apparently wanting to needle me – that it was clear I was not speaking with a journalist in Lancashire at all. The person who had contacted me on Twitter wasn’t who she said she was either.


What also often happened in the course of all this hacking interference is that my ability to take screenshots was disabled.


Above photo is from 2016. Messing with my screens happened often too, often in anger.

Below is a photo that I took in the middle of the night when I was about to wrap up something I was working on before calling it a day. I’ve seen smaller-size blocks too. It’s hardware hacking.

There was one day, a few years ago, when both my computers suddenly went haywire, beeping and rebooting like crazy, the screen went nuts and my printer started spewing empty pages. On my phone, I shot off an email about it to a friend, about how childish it all was. Then it stopped abruptly.

There’s also been a time when my optical drive door would constantly open and close.


In 2016 (and not just in 2016), I was picking up food from the streets to survive. I had to search for – go find – a computer that had not gotten hacked into yet, so that I could apply for “Jobseekers’ Allowance” (JSA, benefits). I then found that the computers at Advice Portsmouth (YouTrust) were still free from hacking interference at that point, so that I was able to apply there. After that, they didn’t stay free from interference.

At the end of 2019 and at the start of 2022, I applied for Universal Credit (benefits), from hacked computers. Both times, I was told when I would receive which information, but that information never arrived. Both times, I got jerked around in really strange ways. In the end, I always get told that I am not eligible.


2017: Particularly local postal mail often goes missing. The above wet and muddy package was handed to me in October 2017. It contained random letters from a period of about 6 months.

In 2011, as I was about to leave to meet with friends in Farnborough, I received an electricity bill that had taken 9 months to reach me. I’ve also once received an electricity disconnection order that was fake, from the same company.

Similar things happen to my emails. They can take so long to reach me that on one occasion, the Dutch provider that it was supposed to be coming from didn’t even exist any longer, which I happened to know because I too used to have an account there.

In the past decade, on several phones as well on my computer, I’ve often seen announcements of emails coming in that never surfaced. They went into some invisible cyberspace in my equipment.


And what to think of the two unknown young men who greeted me and then emptied a bucket with liquid over me from a first-floor window near Kingston Crescent one Sunday afternoon?

Don’t overlook the possibility that they may have asked or paid or told to do this.


5 April 2019 (above): yet another animal has been attacked with a rotary cutter. This decapitated-bird theme began in 2010, when I was still living in Southsea. The green colour in this photo is not genuine. This bird was in terrible pain.

I noticed a pattern on the cut feathers in the affected birds and I asked myself what could have caused that. Some kind of rotary cutter, I figured. Then, in the course of 2021, or maybe 2020, there was a van parked around the corner, with a guy standing behind it. He was operating one such cutter, not cutting anything but holding it up into the air, cutting through air. That’s the kind of thing that I had figured might cause such a pattern in the cut feathers.

I don’t know if any other animals were interfered with other than birds, once even IN my home while I was out. I’ve only observed that birds connected to me had gotten interfered with or killed (but I did notice that all the local stray cats had disappeared at some point).

Some years ago, I carried out a DASH risk assessment, learned that my risk was high. I did take it to the police, but I did not expect them to take it serious. (They didn’t.)


Vandalism in my flat while I was out has occurred several times.

This – the above – I found in the middle of the night on 28 June 2019, after midnight. I’d been to London that day. I’d already started clearing up when I decided to take a photo. There’s no point in calling the police about something like this.

(It’s not personal, though I used to think so. It’s common throughout the UK that burglary reports get ignored by the police and has been for many years. There was for example a letter/message to Metro UK in March 2022 about that from another frustrated person; I think he commented that is was amazing that the Met showed up so quickly to defend the homes of Russian oligarchs or something along those lines.)



March 2020 (above screenshot): Taunting about 6 months of incoming payments going astray. The “phone” remark seems to refer to the fact that he didn’t only have total control over my computers but also over my phones.

He often gives off the impression that he believes I’m too dense to see what he’s doing. It’s often happened in the past that I could actually see when he was in my phone, when my phones perhaps had not been fully hijacked yet, but I’d never let on. When he listens to me, the phone tends to get really hot, but he has not done this in a while.



He’s also in Portsmouth City Council’s networks, as I just mentioned in relation to JSA, but Portsmouth City Council believes that only the Pentagon gets hacked.

Want an example?

On 24 March 2022 (around 3:40 pm), a hacker “helpfully” logged me into my own LinkedIn account while I was at a local public library (North End), on one of its computers. I didn’t need to enter my password.

I seem to have 5 invisible LinkedIn connections and 150 followers of who I know 2 people. (I removed all my LinkedIn connections some time ago. Most of them were people I know or at least had worked with remotely.)


I’m pretty sure that he also has the driving licence that was issued to me in approximately April 2020 along with 4 or 5 bankcards sent to me by postal mail. Imagine what you can do with that, if you consider that an officer at the local police station one day informed me that I had already been to the station about the matter about a week ago and that they’d even already stopped by at my home about it (yet could be heard asking another officer “Is it the same woman?”.)


Above screenshot is from March 2021. It didn’t appear to be on YouTube, only on my computer. I had noticed before that comments I left only showed up on my computer, not on my phone. It’s happened very often that the responses to comments and e-mails etc were from this fella poking fun at me, or getting angry at me.

In other words, I often couldn’t reach other people…
FAR TOO MANY PEOPLE AROUND ME HERE IN PORTSMOUTH DON’T GET THIS. THEY THINK THAT I AM SO DENSE THAT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE EMAIL ETC.

The face – with that hairline – had already started popping up years ago (2009 or thereabouts). I don’t know who it is supposed to resemble, but it also looks a bit like the guy in the photo – below – that I once snapped “blind”, turning around and pressing the button on my phone without being able to see a thing, when someone threw a burning cigarette at me. Immediately after that, there was also messing on my tablet. (I have a video.)

Above: 2014

Approximately July 2019 (above): someone who had worked at one of my clients contacted me on LinkedIn. But it clearly wasn’t that person…

There’s been a heck of a lot of messing with my LinkedIn account. For example, a long time ago, I had already spotted that one of my oldest LinkedIn connections, a Brazilian guy I had actually worked with, had been replaced with a week-old connection but with a photo of a youngish guy that was not him.

I’ve meanwhile removed all my LinkedIn connections. LinkedIn indicates that there are 5 left – which appears to be an IT artefact – and I have 150 followers of which I know only two people..


In October 2021, I discovered that my contact details in my HMRC VAT account had been changed. It showed an e-mail address of years ago and a mobile phone number that wasn’t mine.


The above screenshot is quite recent (December 2021). The person who made that comment seemed to know far too much about my personal circumstances at the time… There’s been a heck of a lot of this kind of taunting over the years.

In 2010, I also managed to get (print) a tracert (short for “traceroute”) that showed diversion when I couldn’t access my e-mail. I beat him (?) to that just before he caught on to what I was doing and then interfered with my tracerts. I never took it to the police because the officers at the station there had no idea what hacking was. They seemed to think that as long as you blocked someone on Facebook, your computers were safe and secure.


20 February 2022: screenshot. I had noticed before that when I was typing something and there seemed to be interference causing/forcing me to flip the power switch, I would sometimes find an empty “remote file” on my screen when I got back into my system.

On 29 September 2020, a file I was working on – a grant application/research proposal, for a lot of money, the lifeblood of scientists’ careers – disappeared from my computer and its backup from my USB stick. I suspect that the CHMOD permissions had been messed with. Why do I think so? Well, first of all, I had checked that the file was on my USB stick before I shut down the computer, but secondly, it makes it possible to mess with people a little more. It means that you can also make the files visible again later, with the aim of making the person doubt himself or herself (her eyes or her memory). I’ve seen that kind of pattern often after all this began.

What I’d recently also noticed is that I seem to have different “memories” in my browser sometimes these days, which makes me suspect that I am not always connected to the same computer (via which I access the internet – or don’t, as the case may be).

Have I already mentioned that whenever I was forced to throw the power off my computer when I was logged into a bank account, I’d sometimes find myself still logged into that bank account after I had gone through my own double or triple logins to reboot?

I got so fed up with people ascribing all of the above to me being a dumb woman who barely knows what a computer is and who simply doesn’t know how to use email etc.

This above note from May 2021 is the only “job offer” I have had in the past decade.

I don’t think that this person actually exists, by the way, which is why I feel free to post it. That’s part of the prank. I hadn’t contacted anyone, didn’t contact anyone’s PA or whatever. I have had other letters that didn’t add up, that seemed to have been put together on the basis of guesswork, for example about something that someone found in my red bag when they went through it when I was out.

It just so happens that the hacker seems to refer to “Rob” every time when he fears losing access to my equipment, by the way, but other than that, I don’t know what to make of it and I haven’t followed up on it, for obvious reasons. I’ve previously (2011) on one occasion received a text message from someone who called himself “Lee” in his texts sending me the address Flat 10, Arthur Pope House as his address.

I don’t know the significance of any of these addresses, if there is any.

My businesses have received loads of spoofed mails, prank calls and other nonsense. I was told at an InnovationSpace workshop that this was because I am from Amsterdam. (Oh, really?)

I’ve had even a clearly spoofed email from Hampshire Police once. As you obviously can’t even take that to the police, I just shrugged.


The broader perspective

I wish that people who do this kind of kind of stuff would learn to accept themselves the way they are and start talking about what happened to them that led up to their odd behaviours. They clearly need HELP and they clearly can’t get it anywhere, just like the people they become so resentful with are unable to get support.

Self-acceptance, that’s where not wanting others to judge you starts and that is when resentment starts to disappear.

That goes with daring to be open about what is going on.

I believe that this is conditional for enabling the development of true advocacy and emancipation.

I can certainly understand, however, where their hesitation comes from…

But that is certainly not the entire problem. It is the result of what is happening in society at large, too.


Why do white Englishmen – certainly here where I live – have a tendency to consider this kind of abuse – here of Chris Whitty – “cool”? Why is it seen as “okay” by so many folks?

Why does this kind of behaviour – or its encouragement – often even get UK government politicians elected? Why is it oddly enough mistaken for “proof” that these politicians will take care of the country well and look out for everyone?

That the PM posted a message that he was shocked – see video below – is utterly hypocritical as this is exactly the kind of division he has been sowing and encouraging for years. Far too many times, he has signalled that this kind of behaviour is perfectly okay.

But it isn’t just the PM who struggles with this.

This is a big part of the problem.

This is about power and control, both for the politicians and for people who engage in “resentful stalker” behaviours.

What I have been dealing with may be a much more sophisticated version of the activities of “Curtis Harper”. Curtis Harper is the name used in a film about a stalking case in St Petersburg, FL (the stalking of Laurisa Anello). He too occasionally got really angry and resentful. He too seemed to have no idea of the effect his actions had on people, seemed to feel that all he was was being nice to people and helping them, doing his best to please them. Laurisa was perhaps the first stranger who had not ridiculed him but had been kind to him; in response, he “loved” her and started following her everywhere. When that was not appreciated, he started throwing hissyfits.

Boundaries is what people like “Curtis Harper” have a problem with. They do not respect other people’s boundaries because there is very little awareness of the fact that other people have rights and boundaries.

There’s this very loud:

“I want!”

You sometimes can also observe this in the behaviour of little kids who brusquely shove anything to the side that gets in the way of what the child wants, focused only on what the child wants.

The fact that Harper’s behaviour got called out and stopped when he was still barely in his 20s seems to have gotten him the the help – or the lesson? – that he needed and allowed him to stay out of trouble since. He’s still living in the City of St Petersburg in Florida and seems to be doing well.

But if no intervention takes place, these behaviours that can be so greatly upsetting to other people and do a lot of damage can really get out of control, with these folks becoming better and better at not getting “caught”. Their skills become highly developed and their unique expertise is often unsurpassed as they do what they do 24/7. It is more than a full-time job for them. It’s their life.

I can’t help but wonder if the stalking of Laurisa Anello could have been prevented altogether if he had gotten the support that he needed before his behaviour escalated. Laurisa lived in hiding for years. She was only 14 when it al began. The effect on Curtis Harper’s life was considerable, too.


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