Warning. This post starts with a rant. Because I have a “rejected” Donald Trump in triplicate in my house, 24/7.
Update Thursday 17 December 2020, 9:58
Still the same. Royal Mail has not attempted to deliver my letter, according to its website. I wonder if a guy I know as Nathan has anything to do with that. He once walked up to me at the local large Tesco (Craswell Street), made the mysterious statement that he and I had never seen eye to eye or something along those lines – huh? wtf was he going on about? – then said that Royal Mail had offered him early retirement because of his severe problems with his spine and that he had accepted the offer. It turned out to be complete bullshit. I have no idea what this dude wanted from me. I don’t know him. He is someone who works at Royal Mail, who (says he) has severe back problems and I’ve brought him and his colleagues refreshments once on a hot day. (I also brought a tea from Greggs to a woman at Wilko on a freezing cold day once and I’ve once given my postie in Southampton a refreshment on a hot summer’s day. I don’t do that kind of thing in other countries, can’t recall any instances.) Other than that, I don’t know him, but he seems to have had some kind of issue with me for a long time. No idea what it might be. I saw him walking toward me on Arundel Street a few weeks ago and I decided to cross the road so that I could avoid him. I have no idea what his problem is and what his problem with me is. He initially seemed really friendly, just a regular guy, friendlier than his colleagues. The guy meanwhile has started to give me the creeps. He was also the one who handed me that package with wet and muddied fairly random letters from about 6 months and he was the one who told me about the package with the SSE modem that apparently had been sitting at the post office for a while after I tried to switch broadband providers for so long, in vain, when he saw me in Lake Road one day.
Portsmouth seems to abound with these types of folks. (Like this “Nathan”, I mean. But he used to have a genuinely pleasant and sane colleague whose son is a scientist. That guy left, though. Overall, Portsmouth is toxic. A lot of that has to do with the widespread deep poverty here as a result of the staggering inequality in England.)
Update Wednesday 16 December 2020, 11:45
The item was posted First Class Signed For on Saturday 12 December 2020 at 2:34pm at the Portsmouth Post Office [PO1 1AB] and still Royal Mail has not attempted to deliver this letter, according to the Royal Mail website.
This one (PDF): Letter Dated 11 December 2020
That older letter that I mention in the above letter had been sent “1st Class Signed For” and it was signed for. So was another letter I sent at about the same time. There was no response to either letter.
There was no response either to the e-mail I sent to Grant Murphy on 30 August 2019, in which I wrote that it was high time for a genuine and serious talk. I suggested meeting at his office on 3 September 2019 at 11am or 2pm.
I usually get ignored when I contact him or his staff for whatever reason, but when they want me to stop by and I contact them and say that I will do so two workdays later because I am hard at work for a client who I can’t let down, I often get a lot of angry words back.
When I wrote to them on 31 October 2016 about “problems at 6 Kingston Road”, I got no response back.
Mon, Oct 31, 2016, 11:23 AM
This was right after I spoke with Grant Murphy on the phone when I called him while I was at Fratton Train station, waiting for my train. He picked up the phone with something like “Student accommodation” but when I said that I thought I had called a different number and was looking for a Mr Murphy, he said that it was him. He told me that people picking the locks all the time was no big deal, but if I wanted, I could install different locks. (I have done that, but it has not helped.) He also said, I think, to go talk to my MP because he seemed to agree more or less that Portsmouth Police is useless (after he suggested I contact police after which I told him that I had already done that many times).
Grant Murphy and I made an appointment to meet on the Saturday after I arrived back because he said he was often at our buildings on Saturday anyway, which surprised me (but I had never met him, so it’s possible). That Saturday, I waited and waited. He never showed.
The e-mail I sent after I spoke with Murphy on the phone I wrote on the train, I am sure, as it was far from my most eloquent e-mail message, but I was upset and I felt that the problems at 6 Kingston Road were seriously getting out of hand to the point of the situation now becoming completely unworkable. (Someone had just
emptied dumped one or two liters of ice cream on the doormat of the ground-floor neighbours in some kind of bizarre prank. It is one of the many results consequences of the building not being secure.)
Some weeks ago, I contacted Hants Fire about the rubbish again, which I had wanted to do many times before. (But it all feels soooooooooooo futile. Nobody in England or Portsmouth gives a damn about anything, it often feels like, to me. Nobody here cares. Is that too the result of Britain’s staggering inequality? If not, where does it come from?)
This is part of what I received back.
This below is what I got in the end.
What has also happened is that someone closed my water account one or two years ago – I think it was Portsmouth Water – and a year ago, someone took control of my electricity account and apparently transferred it so many times in a row that the account completely got lost along the way. I have electricity but I don’t know who supplies it (though I probably have made some calls about that by the time this post goes live). The account was transferred by someone who had the meter’s number and all my personal data, such as DOB and address and postcode; such data are in the possession of many people, of course, hence offer no security at all.
This is what happened the previous time, which must have been about a year after I spoke about this at the offices of Grant Murphy and had given up on the rubbish as I couldn’t afford to remove it myself:
I have also previously advised Ruth Mbvundula not to accept Grant Murphy’s refusal to refund her deposit as, in my opinion, his reason for refusing to return the deposit was likely also his fault and I felt that a compromise might be in order. I referred her to the tenancy matters department at Portsmouth City Council.
For the record this is more or less what I recently wrote to Hants Fire, part of which I also let them know in 2018:
Good afternoon Mark,
Thank you for your message.
1. It concerns two buildings, an older one and a newer one, each housing three flats, at 6 Kingston Road, Portsmouth PO1 5RZ. These buildings are owned by Mr Grant Murphy and/or one of his companies. He and his companies can be reached via the Royal Beach Hotel, St Helens Parade, Southsea PO4 0RN; the hotel is currently closed, however. (Guinness owns the newer buildings next to Murphy’s. It was Guinness that removed the rubbish previously, indeed.)
2. The lock to the back door of the older front building is often jammed from the outside. I do not know whether that means that the lock is also jammed for anyone wanting to exit through that door as we in the building at the back do not have keys to the front door of that building. Last time I tried that back door to see if I had any postal mail, a few days ago, the lock was jammed again.
3. Before the start of the present lockdown, some of the landlord’s staff removed a lot of branches among other things. These branches have been on our patio since then, though someone moved them slightly because the heap of branches (dead wood) was blocking access to the back door of the front building. They were in front of the door there.
4. The rubbish is mostly in an open shed and includes a mattress that sticks out a bit. When this area was filled with junk before, it was deemed a fire hazard by your colleague. I had already gotten rid of as much as I could (called scrap metal people and had some people from a charity shop take a look), thinking that it all had been dumped there by others, not by our landlord. When I went to talk with the landlord about getting the remainder removed, I was admonished when I said that I had already gotten rid of some of the junk. I have also offered to help the foreman clean out the area, but my offer was ignored. Last year, I took photos of what the situation was like back then and included printouts of the photos in my letter to the landlord.
5. It may also be helpful to know that my landlord’s legal adviser is a Mr David Lancaster.
I hope this gives you enough information.
It may be generally interesting to know that I also once caught a landlord/lady dumping stuff in my forecourt when I was living in Southsea. I talked with her about it. I’d previously taken stuff to the tip that had left behind by another landlord/lady as I happened to have rented a van anyway at the time.
I have also heard this rubbish dumping being blamed on foreign tenants, at the Portsmouth Environmental Forum. In my experience, it’s usually landlords who do this.
I know that a lot of English people are not going to understand anything of the above. Why do I bother? One thing I’ve learned in my 16 years in England is that, here, it makes absolutely no difference what you do. True. So you might as well do the right thing. In my view, it means that you stay true to your values even if there is nothing else you can do. And that feels a heck of lot better than just rolling over and closing your eyes.
(I stupidly keep aspirating food and beverages and then coughing my lungs out. I guess it represents how sick I am of things.)
I don’t know when exactly I last used this number but I do know it was certainly before 2018, so I wonder who entered that false information there… and why.
Once you have one, it is incredibly difficult to stop him. This means that you may have no choice but to incorporate him into your life somehow. Acknowledging that the person exists could be a major first step in dealing with a stalker.
Let’s face it, stalking behaviours essentially are a loud cry from people who want to be heard and whose needs are not addressed in society.
But how do you protect your boundaries? How do you keep your life liveable? How do you stay well and healthy?
Stalkers do not understand or deliberately cross other people’s boundaries. Each stalking case is different. Stalkers are unique people and want to have that uniqueness acknowledged and honoured.
It helps tremendously if you can VISUALIZE brain-related conditions for which other people tend to assign blame and make remarks such as that one should be able to grow out of it, admit it and seek help for it, and what have you.
It appears that people with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) simply lack part of the brain in which empathy is created (though it is not the only part of the brain that is related to empathy, apparently). If you can’t feel empathy for others, you cannot feel empathy for yourself either.
That explains the usual Catch-22 aspects of the condition.
This could also mean that/why people with NPD rely on notably empaths to “create” empathy for them. Symbiosis.
(People with NPD, by the way, lack emotional empathy, not cognitive empathy, apparently, according to a 2010 paper from the same research group.)
So, yes, the brains of people with NPD are wired differently. They did not ask for this, so stop blaming them. Look for what is good in them, and embrace that instead.
They’re like, hey, albinos. Or hey, people who go grey prematurely. Not their fault.
They’re like giraffes that people insist are, say, antelopes.
Or, like I wrote before, table lamps of which we demand that they change themselves into coffee makers.
Let go of it… All the frustration etc. It’s futile.
They are right. They are special. It’s part of the neurodiversity we have on the planet. (The brain is a miraculous thing!)
Now I am done waffling about narcissists in a rather chaotic manner. Continue reading
In my book “We need to talk about this“, I mention a phenomenon called “sadistic stalking”. (This comes from the stalking classification by forensics psychologist Lorraine Sheridan. You can find the description below.)
Imagine you’re a middle-aged woman and you’ve been stalked anonymously for years. One day, you open your front door to go to the supermarket and you find the remains of your dead husband on your doorstep. He passed away years ago, but your stalker has dug him up. Say it all out loud, as if you were talking to a friend or colleague, telling them about what is going on in your life. Then picture yourself explaining what is happening to a police officer. Now imagine that you are also feeling very upset while you are trying to convey this information.
How can other people tell whether you are mentally well or not? You will certainly sound as if you’ve lost your mind. You will very likely be assessed as the one with the mental health problem and if not, you may be told that you’ve mistaken the remains of the prey of a fox.
This example comes from a real case that happened in Britain. The woman in question had a heart attack when she found her deceased husband’s remains. She was later sectioned (declared a danger to herself or others) and spent months on a psychiatric ward as a result of the tremendous damage her sadistic stalker’s relentless targeting had done to her life. Consider this. Sadistic stalkers pick their targets because they perceive them as happy, content… and stable. Undoubtedly, many people in her surroundings did not believe the poor woman while all of that was going on and thought she was merely seeing ghosts, compounding her hardship. Living in a situation like that for years is immensely taxing.
Incidentally, that particular stalker was trying to convey the message “What’s he got that I don’t have?” when he left the remains of the deceased in front of the woman’s house.
- When you look at the victims (I prefer “targets”) of this phenomenon, you see how little we know about mental health and how hard it is to determine who is “crazy” and who isn’t.
- (Also, we need a very different approach to how society deals with stalking.)
Sadistic stalking can even be much more devious and much more “crazy-making”. If you describe someone else’s “crazy” and “crazy-making” behaviour, how can you avoid sounding “crazy” and being considered “crazy”?
People often assess other people’s mental health on the basis of what they think sounds crazy just like they assess other people’s beauty on the basis of what they they think is beautiful. Professional assessments are still subjective too, even though attempts continue to be made to standardize diagnoses.