Hello visitor, thanks for stopping by. What brought you here?
(Please note that I have no to very limited access to e-mail. I am still unable to make phone calls. I currently have no access to sites like LinkedIn. For most people who know me, it is best to travel to Portsmouth and meet with me in person if they want to stay in contact.)
29 October 2020: Something has happened that may indicate that my stalkers have now crossed the threshold towards direct physical harm. Too soon to tell with certainty what exactly happened. I had also been locked out of my eBay account as eBay believed that someone else had been using it, but I have regained access.
30 0ctober: What happened turns out to be unprecedented strong allergic response, which has not gone yet but I think is subsiding. Never had this before, the kind that is potentially life-threatening. Initially looked like acid attack or something but its progression helped me ID it. Question is what caused it.
30 October: Whoever is stalking me is utterly totally completely nuts and seems to have a robotic drone-like programmed mind that is like a black box that has only one very narrow purpose. Impossible to negotiate with, sadly. Lorraine Sheridan is right. Appealing to them only makes things worse.
I write books, I offer a listening ear for people with a narcissistic personality disorder (a paid service, out of necessity, but at a modest fee), I offer assessment and strategies for workplace bullying (for employees I do this at a nominal fee that employers should reimburse staff for but may refuse to do and I know too well that at least one fifth of English people are not only miserable but also dirt-poor, living below the poverty line, with as many as one third of the children living in poverty) and I support people who have become the target of sadistic stalking and occasionally also victims of other forms of stalking (free of charge).
I have a science background, however, and am neither a psychologist nor a psychiatrist.
Also, my own local stalking situation needs to be resolved. For example, the incessant hacking interference in my life needs to stop. I need to be able – allowed – to make a living again, period. That income will mostly have to come from abroad, naturally.
It’s ridiculous that local English men (think: male politicians) find it okay that they get to make a decent living while women like me who are at least as highly qualified must live in deep poverty because these women’s even most basic rights get trampled non-stop. Because nobody here, including these men, sees anything wrong with that picture. I made a modest middle-class living in Southampton and in Amsterdam, where I got to make my own decisions and lead my own life. That is not done, for women, in Portsmouth? Whether they are stalked or merely sabotaged for just leading their lives without harming a soul? Fuck that. I want my goddamn life back!
I used to work in tourism and hospitality in Amsterdam, quit my job in my mid 20s and enrolled as a full-time earth science student. I graduated with distinction, with a Master’s in Geology and an additional diploma for Chemical Oceanography research concerning the ocean around Antarctica (REEs), then moved on the States. I became a self-employed, VAT-registered sole trader in 1997, when I was still living in Amsterdam. In addition, I am a company director.
Among other things, I am a former board member of the Environmental Chemistry (and Toxicology) Section of the Royal Netherlands Chemical Society (KNCV) and of the NIMF foundation for women in science and technology. I am a former member of the American Society for Microbiology (#55207518), the American Geophysical Union, the Amsterdam American Business Club, IUPAC, the Geochemical Society, the AAUW, the SHEA business club (Southampton), Toastmasters of The Hague etc. I have been in England since the end of 2004 (Hampshire, which is in London’s commuter circle) and, more specifically, in Portsmouth since the start of 2009.
If you want, you can consider me a highly specialised coach or maybe a professional good friend for situations in which good friends with plenty of life experience can be hard to find or may not have enough time on their hands.
Yes, there are free downloads on this site. This concerns PDF files, usually print proofs, so they are not true e-books but free content that I decided to make available for who wants it. You can access my Amazon author profile here:
These are my three most recent books:
You can download each individual chapter of the third edition of “We need to talk about this” (about the new eugenics, non-fiction) as a PDF file here:
- Chapter 1 – A provocative introduction
- Chapter 2 – Utilitarian reasoning
- Chapter 3 – Eugenics, old and new
- Chapter 4 – Why we need to talk about this
- Chapter 5 – Bias
- Chapter 6 – Brain-based conditions
- Chapter 7 – Lives not worth living
- Chapter 8 – A guideline for the new eugenics
- Chapter 9 – The bioethical imperative
- Chapter 10 – Consequences
You can download the 27 August 2020 print proof (PDF) of “Is cruelty cool?” here:
You can download the 27 October 2020 print proof (PDF) of “What to do if you are being stalked”:
(I decided to call this “fiction” for legal reasons, because it contains tips for stalking victims and I obviously cannot take any liability for what is happening in the life of someone I know nothing about. If there was enough support for people in that position, the position of being the victim of sadistic stalking, I would not have felt the need to write this booklet.
If you download this, also check out the page “IT and me” as well as “Is cruelty cool?” as the woman on the front cover is also me. Last update is on ResearchGate as no access to a few sites right now as I need to top up credit on my 2FA phone and currently am not able to.
For those of you locals who read this proof and are ready to jump to the wrong conclusions here and there, including about IT angles please either get a brain transplant or simply ask me one or two questions for a change and stop jumping to the wrong conclusions on the basis of what is going on in your own brain (lack of insight into hacking, misogyny, gerontophobia, what have you).
As indicated above, I focus mainly on the following four areas.
- I write books, such as in the area of bioethics sensu lato. Think about discrimination,
diversity and inclusion, but also the rights of non-human animals.
You will find more information about my writing career lower on this page.
- I offer assessment and (re)mediation with respect to workplace bullying.
I included workplace bullying in my book “Is cruelty cool?”.
Employers, see this post.
Employees, see this PDF.
As many employers fail to address workplace bullying, I am deliberately keeping costs for employees as low as possible.
Workplace bullying can involve NPD but certainly does not have to.
In any case, workplace bullying is not your fault.
- I offer a listening ear for people who have a narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
Being called a narcissist is not the same as having NPD. NPD occurs along a range of intensities and in various forms. People with NPD are often highly intelligent and highly talented. They also tend to have a great sense of humour. I have also found that they can be very upfront about their condition when they meet new people, but that the rest of us usually have no idea what exactly they are referring to. They usually make a good living (so I feel justified in charging a reasonable fee for this service), but they can be very lonely at heart and even their loved ones have a tendency to abandon them. When I started looking into personality disorders a few years ago, in connection with my stalking situation, I discovered that I’d had a friend with NPD for decades, in America. She has always been a very good friend to me. She has taught me a lot about how some people deal with their own NPD and also about how others can interact with people with NPD with a relatively low amount of friction.
Having NPD is not your fault. See this PDF.
My natural communication style is confident, direct and cheerful. Think “mainstream American”, though it may also be common in Italy; I am Dutch but I am not at all typically Dutch and I fit in best in American culture. Most English people tend to hate that style, though. (I think they interpret it as a sign that you are either not from the same class or that you do not know your place.) So I adapt my style and I also sometimes do that when I talk with people who have NPD, depending on the situation (more specifically, what kind of mood they are in and what type and level of NPD they have).
- I support victims of sadistic stalking. Like people with NPD, victims of sadistic stalking are also often excruciatingly lonely because – usually – nobody believes them and their loved ones have a tendency of abandoning them, too. Society can’t do much for them as stalking is not only very hard to prove in a manner that will hold up in court, investigating stalking is very expensive, particularly nowadays, with the digital component featuring so prominently. It requires a lot of specialist expertise as well as equipment to investigate stalking. The average police officer’s understanding of stalking and of IT literally equals that of the average homeless meth addict or the average takeaway owner without website.
Besides, stuffing stalkers in prisons is rarely a good solution, even though it can certainly buy victims some temporary peace of mind. I’ve been through the experience myself and I know how many people turn their backs on you and walk away while others even turn against you. I had two stalkers; one was a much more sophisticated version of Anthony Burstow as well as a hacker and the other one was a cunning smoke-and-mirrors artist. They were not bad people but had a highly distorted sense of reality.
It seems that I reminded them of their mother and they unleashed all their anger towards their mother on me while at the same time demanding that I serve as a fulltime caring mother to them. (They were my age, however.) I was a migrant in a country where I didn’t know anyone, trapped in a form of sadistic slavery that I tried to escape from, in vain, repeatedly. I begged people for help – practical help – but almost nobody was willing to listen, let alone offer useful practical assistance. That cold sense of betrayal you are left with does not dissipate easily and you too may find that you have trouble trusting anyone.
That’s why having support from people who have been through it can help a lot. Because it’s not always so much the stalking itself that does the psychological damage; it’s the fact that so many people abandon the victim because they prefer listening to moonshine sonatas and watching something cheesy on telly over acknowledging the stark reality of what is happening in the victim’s life.
What victims need most is practical help, simply to be able to keep their lives up and running or to be able to escape. As an example, Tracey Morgan who used to be Mrs Sant was abandoned by her husband over the stalking and had to move back in with her parents, but victims without parents or accommodating siblings do not have that option. Victims can also use the occasional comforting hug or shoulder to cry on and a safe place to hang out for a while to catch their breath, not having to look over their shoulder every waking minute, and sleep soundly.
Being stalked is not your fault. As victims of sadistic stalking and some other forms of stalking tend to lose their income (and often their home as well), these services have to be free of charge. If you wish to make a donation, please use my personal Paypal account if you have those details or go to the payments and donations page. I have only just added Stripe to this website and you’ll have to forgive me if any of the options are not working properly yet.
I obviously cannot do this on my own and am always interested in talking with experts in various areas, for example people who can offer good advice on how to make people’s homes more secure and also people who have been through the experience and have built up a wealth of knowledge or who have a safe house available. It is imperative to build up a team of reliable and trusted people, geographically well distributed all over the UK.
Stalking, bullying etc
This PowerPoint presentation may give you an idea of the background for my activities:
Some lives are lost, while others are destroyed because nobody cares (enough). Because even workplace violence is (too easily) accepted in England. Because when police officers care, they are usually still not allowed to investigate stalking. Police forces do not even have the required expertise and equipment at hand. Because not enough people – employers – are willing to address workplace violence and workplace bullying. Because few people are willing to listen to what others whose words are dismissed too easily have to contribute, regardless of whether it concerns people who are the target of bullying, people who have certain brain-based conditions (neurodiversity) or people who are or were stalked.
Rest in peace Shana Grice (stalking, UK, abused by police then killed by her stalker), Molly McLaren (stalking, UK), George Cheese (workplace violence, UK, not reported to police), Lauren McCluskey (stalking, US, died because police had no IT expertise at hand), Bijan Ebrahimi abused by ordinary citizens living near him, police officers and people representing the local government for seven years, then killed) and many others. Too many!
Lick your visible and invisible wounds, Lorraine (stalking, UK, attacked by the intelligent man with the quiet and caring nature who had already stalked Tracey Morgan for nearly a decade and who then decided he wanted to cut off Lorraine’s hand with a Stanley knife so that they could die together; that is how miserable and lonely he apparently was and how distorted his sense of reality and entitlement was), Helen Pearson (stalking, UK, reported the stalking to the police 125 times and was ignored, then attacked), Tracey Morgan (stalking, UK, struggled to get heard and was abandoned by many people who should have been there for her, PTSD), Harry Hayward (workplace violence, UK, injured and in hospital for a week, reported to police and prosecuted, PTSD) and many others. Too many!
Yes, I want to emphasise that stalkers are not necessarily evil in nature, even the ones who do harm. Let’s face it, nobody in their right mind would chose to stalk someone else and risk all the trouble it can lead to, including prison time. Their sense of reality can be so off that what they are doing may make perfect sense to them and they may have trouble handling the rejection they encounter. It is my impression that many seem to be looking for a kind person who can (re-)parent them and give them some guidance. I suspect that many of them would fare much better if they had more support and learned how to live well. A buddy who can support them may make a huge difference. Maybe I will end up creating a support network for people who need this kind of support.
As an example, when I was living in the US, a local janitor developed a bit of a thing for me. He started leaving gifts around for me and so on. It never got out of hand because he had a kind and understanding colleague who gently steered him away (and who also had the required confidence and sense of personal responsibility to do so). I returned the first gift that made me realise that there could be a problem, that it was not just a friendly gesture from an American, like the neighbour who drops off a nicely wrapped paper plate with cookies at Christmas. I do not know whether perhaps he had a learning disability, but it does not matter.
People with NPD can engage in bullying and people with more complicated forms of may indulge in stalking, which may partly be out of frustration.
However, the anger and fear that the targets of stalking tend to feel are justified and should never be ignored.
In some cases, the situation can be addressed through mediation. An important worry for targets is not knowing whether the person in question is potentially dangerous or not. That is why mediation can play an important role because it opens a door for finding out what is going on in the mind of the stalker.
It has on at least one occasion been suggested that when a stalker does nothing more than break into a woman’s home and for example do her dishes for her, he is harmless and she should shrug about it. I disagree. The woman’s boundaries and basic human rights are violated by the stranger in this case and her sense of safety and security can become eroded badly as a result. The woman in question has no way of knowing whether the next time, the person in question might break into her home and strangle or suffocate her in her sleep, disable her smoke alarms and cause an electrical short or take off with her passport or other important documents.
It is a disgrace that the myth of the hysteric woman – prone to hysteria caused by her uterus – and the narrative of the nurturing duties of women still exist as if women have no rights whatsoever and men can do whatever they fancy. England is the world’s most openly hostile country for women. (It also is one of the world’s worst countries for people over, roughly, 45. The Guardian has used to the word “demonised” within this context. England’s culture is based on otherisation and hate. That urgently needs to change.)
A few stalking-related links:
- HMIC (2017) Living in fear – the police and CPS response to harassment and stalking. A joint inspection by HMIC and HMCPSI. ISBN: 978-1-78655-414-7. HMIC, 114 pages.
- Bulman, M. (2017) Stalking victim rejects police apology over stabbing after making 125 reports before the attack. The Independent.
- Bulman, M. (2017) Victims of stalking being ‘let down’ by police, report warns. The Independent.
- Ditum, S. (2018) A joint report by the Inspectorate of Constabulary and the CPS released last July looked at 112 cases of stalking and found that not one of them had been dealt with properly. The Independent.
About me and my writing activities
Before I moved from Amsterdam to Britain at the end of 2004, I was part of the team of Elements, a print magazine published by the company Arcadis (@ 55 euros per hour, excl. of VAT) as part of my business activities.
At around the same time, I was also editor-in-chief of the newsletter and scientific yearbook of the Environmental Chemistry (and Toxicology) Section of the Royal Netherlands Chemical Society of which I was a board member. For eleven years, I served as associate editor for the international newsletter of the Geochemical Society, which is based in the US.
I have interviewed people all over the world, on location as well as by phone and e-mail, from China to Chile and from Amsterdam to Paris and Oxford. I particularly remember finally being able to catch up with a very busy person (Herb Dempsey, who is still one of my LinkedIn connections) on his mobile phone at an airport somewhere in the US where he was waiting for a connecting flight.
I also remember speaking with two highly sympathetic people who were based in China at the time, working for Arcadis: Thomas Kustusch who is German and Theo Tombeur who’s Belgian. Talking with Wim Verheugt and Ties van Kempen about the Black Sea particularly stands out as well, of course, in view of my professional background.
Of course, I remember my interview with Keith O’Nions, who had just been knighted and as well as been appointed to become the next Chief Scientific Advisor to the UK’s Ministry of Defence. He is a kind and highly entertaining person. I had a heck of a sinus headache when I interviewed him and I am sure that it affected my conversational skills badly, but Keith patiently remained enthusiastic. I was still based in Amsterdam then and combined this interview in Oxford with giving a talk in Plymouth afterward.
Much later, while I was living in the UK, I wrote some flash fiction that is somewhat reminiscent of the work of Spike Milligan, an Englishman who lives in Belgium told me. I looked into it and think that it only applies to some of it. Some of it is probably closer to Donald Barthelme’s quirky style, some of it is plain simple and some of it is like a zen koan. My flash fiction is available from various online retailers.
Later, I translated one of Richard Bintanja’s books into “The Ultimate Brainchild” of which the topic suits nicely within the context of the new eugenics. It is a well-crafted novel with a Gattaca-style theme though it is very different from Gattaca. It highlights abilities that people like Anna Breytenbach use consciously.
I have also contributed considerably to more than a handful of popular science books in the Dutch “For Dummies” series. My first academic publication, in marine biogeochemistry (in Geochimica et Cosmochimica Acta), had only me as author and was published as a tripartite discussion with a contribution from Jim Moffett, on whose work my article was a comment, and another one from Brad Tebo. It was accepted without any revisions. In part, it was a rewrite of a shorter article that I had submitted to Science in 1996 and after resubmission was deemed more suitable for a specialised journal.
At around the same time, I convened an AGU conference session in Boston on the role of fungi in the marine environment, supported by a grant from the Dr. Catharine van Tussenbroek Fonds. That got me invited to a conference in Hong Kong, but I only submitted an abstract as I was unable to travel to Hong Kong at the time. Fortunately, I was able to participate in the PICO-III symposium in Plymouth later that year, which I combined with a trip to Oxford where I did the O’Nions interview.
(Lay people are quick to assume that scientists get paid to talk at conferences. Instead, they have to pay. Something similar goes for publishing. That does not mean that your work is accepted as long as you pay! Science is a very expensive profession. Thankfully, some scientific journals don’t charge scientists for publishing in them.) In 2000, I wrote a review on the environmental chemistry of cyanide, which was cited all over the world. I also contributed a quote about the Mariana Trench for a book in Canada.
Other than that, I have written so many bits and pieces here and there (mostly on geochemistry and environmental chemistry, occasionally including health issues, and also on feminism and on women in science), that it’s impossible to list or even remember them all.
I had already started writing stories and articles when I was in primary school. I was on my school’s first newspaper team, went on a typewriting course when I was 18 and purchased my own typewriter shortly after. As a teenager, I sent a letter to a national weekly – more or less a Dutch counterpart of RadioTimes – about a play by G.B. Shaw that had been aired. They published it. In the early 1980s, I sent a letter to
Tineke Beishuizen (a Dutch writer and columnist) about my mother’s illness and death in response to the passing of someone in Tineke’s vicinity (her mother in law, if I recall correctly). I received a letter back from Tineke, asking me for permission to use the letter as a column (adapted, of course) in the women’s magazine Libelle, as well as a lot of encouragement to write more. We spoke on the phone; I called her from a phone booth in Hilversum or Baarn as I didn’t have a landline in those days when we weren’t as connected yet as we all are today. I also submitted an item to women’s weekly Viva, about my cat Tim who I’d adopted from the shelter around the time when I began working on my Master’s. Viva published the item and sent me a voucher in return. (I think it was for 25 guilders’ worth of flowers.)
A bit later in the 1980s, I sent about a dozen letters to the editor of Dutch national daily De Volkskrant, responding to articles in the newspaper. Almost all were published and all or almost all in the Saturday edition. Most were about violence against women and children. I wrote these letters after I had been raped by an intruder who had climbed onto the balcony of my student flat while I was asleep. Writing the letters was part of my process of working through what had happened. I also signed up for a self-defence course for women at Vrouwencentrum Kenau in Amsterdam and I read books like Susan Brownmiller’s Against Our Will to try to understand what had happened to me. Right after it happened, my friend Juul Everaars – who was a geology student as well – hopped on her bicycle to be with me to support me and my two siblings drove up from the south. (I called Juul first, the police next.) The rapist returned half a year later. I woke up, walked to the door in combat stance, but I grabbed a knife along the way and it hit a glass. The sound alerted the guy. When I moved the curtain slightly to be able to look onto the balcony, I found him crouched right there in front of me, at the glass door. He jumped up and disappeared over the balustrade. (The police officers who showed up after that told me I should have grabbed my geologist’s hammer instead of the knife as the knife was too dull according to them.) Building management then helped me move to a different flat in the complex after that. I later threw a party to celebrate that I was leaving it all behind me and moving on.
As eight or nine out of ten of my letters to De Volkskrant were published, and usually in the Saturday edition, I did not realise at all that it was quite hard to get letters published in that particular newspaper. I discovered that later, during an evening course at the Netherlands School for Journalism, when the instructor specifically mentioned it as part of the class one evening, to try this as a way of assessing one’s writing skills and as a challenge to set ourselves. In those days, newspapers were still print-only so editors had to be highly selective. Sadly, I no longer have any of these letters as I had to leave them behind in the US.
I also did a lot of writing for the NIMF foundation in those days and took some time out from my Master’s to focus on my work for it, including symposium organisation and PR, some of that with the amazing Hélène van Pinxteren (RIP) and the brilliant Kine Sittig as well as with Nanne Weber (RIP), Martje Roessing (RIP), Hadass Eviatar, Rineke Verbrugge, Elly Jeurissen and many others who are all super women in their own way.
(I took two evening courses at the Netherlands’ School for Journalism in Utrecht while I was completing my Master’s.)
In the mid-1990s, when I was living in the US, I wrote a letter to the editor of an American newspaper (the St. Peterburg Times, which won twelve Pulitzer Prizes since 1964, but later merged into a larger regional newspaper). That too was published, but its content wasn’t spectacular. It expressed enthusiasm about my experiences at the university there. Its title was something like “Sometimes the grass really is greener on the other side”.