One exception: If your behavior is hurting others, then you still do not have to sacrifice who you are, but you’ll have to learn how to modulate your behavior. That’s also for your own sake, to stay out of trouble.

This sounds easier than it is. Behaviors can have become part of someone’s identity and when someone’s any kind of artist, the idea of modulating one’s behavior surely has to feel like a potential threat to one’s creativity.

Baby steps is all it takes. No big leaps or major transformations are needed.

I’ve actually been shocked to see how being mistreated – or even merely dismissed – in England started to change me into someone I no longer liked much at all. This began happening to me when I was in my forties. So I understand very well how certain behaviors can come about. We do not live in a vacuum, no matter what people may say, and what happens around us and to us – particularly when it concerns children – can change us. Neural pathways get reinforced; this happens beyond our control, before we know it.

(Just consider how TBIs and brain tumors can change someone’s personality. Then you see how true this is. We are biological organisms, not separate from nature but part of it.)

Some people are lucky enough to be able to reclaim the power to be who they want to be. Others need a bit of compassionate support to be able to do that, a guide. Not everyone can change their behaviors, but there are ways to limit its impact on others.