Some of this interference with my life is still ongoing today, even though I am in a different country at the time of writing. Certainly the hacking activity still really gears up again from time to time, such as in June 2023 and right now in May 2025, in both cases together with some IRL activity.

Yes, there’s even been some IRL interference since my fifth desperate escape attempt from Portsmouth (in England, where this began).

Hacking certainly does not stop at borders and in highly overregulated countries, and also sometimes if you open a new account for something that you had an account for before and for which you need to submit ID, hackers can find you in no time. There’s nothing you can do to stop it. Before you know it, someone else controls all your equipment again including whose emails you get and when.

Whoever is behind this is totally off his rocker (making up and believing alternate realities, which points toward autism along with a number of other factors), often deliberately mean (which can be part of autism but can also point toward psychopathy) and also cunning, sadistic and highly manipulative (which indicates antisocial psychopathy). A Jekyll & Hyde character, perhaps. Someone who is not quite what he seems or claims to be. Someone who is extremely controlling and obsessive and probably often gets bored.

People who do this kind of thing have different brain structures and cannot change at will. They tend to demand complete acceptance of who they are because they see no alternative and they hate being hated and rejected. They can retaliate rather viciously for perceived slights and for a perceived lack of acceptance of who they are. Everything they do is a desperate cry to be seen and heard and accepted. They don’t care about other people, whoever. They care about how other people make them feel. If you accept them the way they are and let them into your life, you essentially have to give up on who you are, however, and become someone else’s puppet, unless you’re an exceptionally strong person. Most people aren’t keen on that. That may be the crux. That may be what ultimately triggers this type of behaviour. I don’t know. I have lots more questions than answers.

So if anyone feels that I’ve got it all wrong, then stop bullshitting me and start fessing up. I asked around for years, but nobody in Portsmouth never has heard of anyone else there – also in different contexts – and nobody in Portsmouth never knows nothing about anything there if you catch my drift. It could be that in my case it concerns someone who manages some of his urges through excessive “pranking” of which he may not understand or, rather and more likely, forgets to consider that this can have serious consequences for others. I don’t know. I have a lot more questions than answers.

Although I had been highly worried about what was going on for years, in 2013, I still expected it to fizzle out. I told myself that my biggest problem was my collapsed cashflow. 2013 was the year in which I received a small inheritance after an aunt passed away.

Rumors were getting spread about me, along the lines of that I was learning-disabled or had been in a severe car crash and that I couldn’t tell time as far as I know. When I volunteered in the COVID vaccination effort, locals were amazed to discover that I was capable of telling people which door to walk to.

There was extensive and relentless community abuse as well. Former contacts of mine and others who knew me vaguely were (and in several cases had never even met me, were also told bullshit stories about me. Friends and family may also have been fed bs about me. Even my youngest sister’s business got pestered, though I don’t know to what extent. (While it may have been intended as a way of standing up for me, this is not necessarily something that well-balanced people do. It does have a 4chan flavour to it, though.) Both my own and my sister’s business have now ceased operating so I can now be more open about this.

• Just like me, my sister is a strong, independent woman. This would fit with both of us being targeted by 4chan. My sister was extremely upset one day in the second half of 2023; it reminded me of how upset, panicked and powerless I used to be when my business and I began to be attacked.
• A friend also reported some strange things that reminded me of what had happened to me, about a subsidy and a project she was starting, but I assume that that was a coincidence, even though what she said to me about it did not make sense.
• Both women instantly started shouting at me over the phone in the second half of 2023, within a week of each other, and neither wanted to tell me what was going on.
• Another woman, earlier, also suddenly no longer wanted to talk with me without explaining to me what was going on. She seemed scared of me, even. I’d known her for decades.
• My WhatsApp calls in Dutch were recorded by a third party for a while; that was in 2018 if I recall correctly. It overheated my phone and the recordings were nowhere to be found on my own equipment. I assume that they were used for voice-cloning. Were these three women contacted with voice-cloned messages that they believed to be from me?
• Some people I know or knew were also contacted to clone their voices to pester me with, one of them after her death. The latter too would be a fairly typical 4chan stunt.
• My phone also had a lot of someone else’s gaming videos on it at some point. I’d previously – in Southsea – found files uploaded to my website hoster. I’d also found video files of women’s thighs on my PC filling up a hidden system directory so rapidly that my operating system couldn’t run any longer and my PC wouldn’t start up.

It’s complicated and I still don’t have all the answers.

On one occasion, it was hinted that I was being targeted by a group of people who had been sexually molested as children. Is it true? Who knows. There’s been a shitload of hacking. Hackers are invisible.

My network got destroyed, my LinkedIn got destroyed, everything that I had worked so damn hard for got destroyed and just about anything I knew that I tried got sabotaged one way or another. The aim of what was going on was clearly to cause as much loss and pain in my life as possible; at least, that is what it felt like. In March 2018, there even was a deliberate attempt to get me to commit suicide, just for fun, via the use of NLP. That is not funny. Again, this may be something that is fairly typical for 4chan. I had already made four failed escape attempts by then. On one occasion, I asked Portsmouth police if they would help me stage (fake) my death, so that I could leave without being followed again.

Oddly enough, in April 2023, a Portsmouth-based builder and real-estate developer hinted that he and the local city council leader had been behind the abuse and relentless sabotage. As said person certainly was up to no good either and appeared to be slightly unhinged, that was initially very confusing, but it was largely complete hogwash.

In Portsmouth, with its extensive deep poverty, everyone’s services are for sale, and people often sell their services – such as pestering people – to several parties, simultaneously. There were and are lots of flying monkeys within this context. Some were paid, others tricked, and many appear to be 4chan types of which a few entertain incel ideas.

Certainly at the end of 2016, and probably earlier, I started focusing on one thing only: liberating myself and getting my life back. As mentioned, I made four escape attempts before the pandemic, only to find myself forced to return each time. After the pandemic, I made another attempt, but this time in a way that ensured that I would have nothing to return to.

The lock-picking (not 100% but I suspect that that was the real estate company’s doing) and the animal cruelty stopped, and people in Portsmouth are no longer literally hunting me almost as if I am a wild rabbit or rat, but just about everything else continued. (To be specific, in June 2023, the hacking really geared up again. I hadn’t been able to replace any of my hacked equipment that I took with me. Among other things, my tablet’s Gmail account suddenly was being accessed from a Linux computer and it appears that my tablet got cloned and a laptop that I ordered later already had AnyDesk installed on it.) I was gutted, and terrified, because of what it meant for my life, including my income opportunities. What could I do? I wasn’t able to reach anyone – for whatever reason – and was still largely as powerless as I had been in Portsmouth all those years. The bizarre yet deliberate sabotage of many things that I attempt to undertake continued. Its only purpose seems to be to frustrate me. “Nah nah nah nah nah!” (or “Lekker puh!”). I can only shrug. It no longer matters.

Many people don’t even want to hear a word about what happened. Not one word.

But where does all of that leave me?

In retrospect, in view of what happened after I left Portsmouth the fifth time, I definitely should have stayed in Portsmouth, even though I would have remained isolated and felt trapped there. I would still have been able to enjoy the sunshine and the seashores as much as I could, looking after wildlife to the very limited extent that I could (but I can’t do this at all now) and resigned to put up with the relentless violation of my boundaries, including the lock-picking. I had many non-human animal pals there.

But if I had stayed in Portsmouth, there’d have been lessons that I would have missed out out on. I’d still have illusions about my birth country, for example. (It’s changed dramatically. It’s no longer highly egalitarian and well organized. It’s polarised, and it’s a mess.)

I’ve learned a lot from my experiences in the past twenty years, notably about otherization and inequality.

We humans are an arrogant and destructive species.

What follows are some of the strange things that someone wrote to me when the stalking began, within 24 hours after the first of three appointments with that person, for repairs and maintenance of something that I had purchased on eBay.

To my astonishment, I thought I saw him at the window of the rear room in the flat under mine in Southampton one day, shortly after the second appointment. I thought that this could not possibly be true. There was a big English taxi parked on the premises that day. I also thought that I saw various people take photos of me; I thought that that couldn’t possibly be accurate either – but it was.

• “I have a mean streak. I’ve for example once put a signal through the amp of a nearby guitarist because he was playing out of tune.” (-> autism)
• “I would have to study you and then I might not let you go.”
• “Ticking clocks, can’t stand ‘m” (-> autism)
• “I have synesthesia. Written words have pitch.” (-> autism)
• “You would have to be very well grounded”
• “I can be like a terrier when I am intrigued” (-> autism)
• “I tell people everything they need to know, what they do with it is up to them”
• “Everything is going to depend on how well you know yourself” (possibly refers to me having said that nothing would break me; I later got a remark along the lines of that what was being done to me was to find out if I could be turned into an evil person)
• “When things are too easy, you’re not really being stretched” (-> sadism: trying to break people)
• “There is nothing quite like anticipation” (-> sadism; it is one of his “games” to create a certain expectation, usually in specific pattern that I learned to recognize)
• “I remember what people make me feel like rather than what they look like” (said to me IRL on 7 July 2008)
• “the brain is far more interesting than beauty; beauty disappears with age but the brain will always be there” (or something along those lines, but this could be a pickup line stolen from a movie – I’ve forgotten which one it is -someone else used it on me too, in the past)
• “We will always be connected online” (-> control? abandonment?)
• Another thing he wrote to me was that he thought that I too was quite dark at heart. I didn’t even know what he meant by that. (-> psychopathy?)

Yes, these are some of the things he wrote to me back then. He also wrote that on his website he talked about the stuff that he gets up to and that this was a risk as such, but that he felt secure in the knowledge that most people wouldn’t have a clue what it was about and that those who did would keep their mouths shut.

Of a comment left behind on my business website in August 2008, he replied that it was his girlfriend who had left that comment and that he would “spank” her.

Some of the stuff that he wrote such as the above made me feel uncomfortable and I discussed it with my second cousin Robert in Australia. A woman called Astrid remarked very early on, before I noticed it myself, that this person’s sense of reality appeared to be off. In October 2008, she spontaneously said that I was not crazy but that someone was trying to drive me crazy after she checked something for me. Shortly after, also in October 2008, I filed the first police report in this matter.

There even was an email one Stephen Hoops on a Microsoft Live.com email account one day who explained to me spontaneously how you can alter other people’s emails. This was in response to an email from me to the same person as who I had had the three appointments with; he wrote that he was using a pseudonym because of the potential hacker in his or mine equipment or whatever. That was at the end of 2008 or 2009.

There were hints at some point about there having been issues that he and his brother complained about and that this made things much worse. (Think being taken away from the family and then getting abused.) His mother is Austrian and suffered badly in WWII. I felt very early on that I seemed to be targeted because I was foreign and something about feeling abandoned or betrayed, but I didn’t know about the mother yet at the time. I did get called “mum” a lot within this context. Someone else who also was targeted had an American wife. I also felt very early on that I was dealing with a hurt little boy, not an adult.

He’s often cunning and highly manipulative and also extremely controlling (-> autism). A lot of stuff that he does may be typically “evil psycho” but there’s a certain “blindness”, a jumping to assumptions and conclusions that are based on how he ticks, not on reality. This, along with his distorted view of reality and his anger issues, points toward autism rather than to psychopathy, along with various other things such as the annoyance with ticking clocks.

(That’s, assuming that it’s not exclusively 4chan youngsters that I’m dealing with, which likely would include him, nevertheless. These kids’ low ages would go a long way towards explaining most of this too.)

I’ve had experiences with autistic people that have made me understand that they feel slighted very quickly, indeed. This is something allistic people might associate with narcissism, not with autism. They feel slighted for different reasons, however.

England must be very hard to deal with for autistic people because you always need to read between the lines with everything that is said. You also need to listen to the tone in which something is said. Autistic people often have difficulty distinguishing tone. They can have difficulty discerning informal settings from formal settings, for example, also in writing. I feel that there is a lot of anger and resentment behind it, indeed.

There also is an issue with not being able to realize that other people’s boundaries are being violated (the lock-picking for example), and that this can upset other people, but I think that this can escalate into a deliberate tactic as a result of resentment and/or in a desperate urge to grab control. (I’ve seen this issue of not respecting boundaries with my autistic friend of decades too. Would you for example grab potentially highly confident business documents off someone’s work desk – as if it were your own – and start reading them with the person whose desk it is present? (We’re not talking colleagues here.)

After recently having learned a lot more about autism in real life, and realizing how little I knew about autism and how different it is from what I expected it to be, I now see a lot more autism in the behaviours that I’ve been exposed to than psychopathy, but then again, I probably don’t know anything about psychopathy either.

I initially thought that I was dealing with someone with dissociative identity disorder. I have since learned that when an autistic person stops masking, it can look like you’re suddenly dealing with a very different person.

Was he punishing me for whatever his mother was or did? For having left Portsmouth? No, I don’t think so. Things got really complicated and it’s not possible for me to know what was really behind it. On one of the occasions that I tried to get away from Portsmouth, two little boys showed up at the bus stop, ran around me and yelled “she’s leaving! she’s leaving!” The two little boys theme has often featured. After my fifth attempt to get away, he hit the return button on my computer one day. “Return! Return! Return!”.

I have meanwhile figured out how he, it, they, 4chan managed to detect that Dutch computer and managed to do things like restore stuff that I used to have on one of my computers in Portsmouth. I sound like a complete idiot when I talk about this. The problem is that most people are clueless about ITC. in 2010, I had a printed traceroute that showed that access to my business email account was being interfered with. But you can’t even take that to the police…

Yes, it’s complicated. No, I don’t have all the answers.