I am the target of 4chan and/or 8kun and have been since 9 June 2008. The two brothers who I mention here and there are not just part of it. I think that they are the ones who drive this relentless hate and sabotage campaign, this sadistic stalking.

That is the only explanation that fully adds up, doesn’t it. It’s not either/or. It’s both. People get whipped up against me, is my impression, get told that I am some kind of horrible monster of a woman or whatever, just to get them to target me.

---

This has been going on since 9 June 2008, indeed, when I was still in my mid 40s. Read the entire post, look beyond my powerless crazy rambling (focus on what makes sense in it, instead), look at the evidence and watch the videos, too.

11 March 2025:
Lots of files have been wiped from my harddisk; this used to happen in Portsmouth too, on various computers. It is just part of the constant “nah nah nah nah nah”. On YouTube, I’ve been getting trolled about getting a job (and I got some kind of shut up or else warning which I simply deleted). Just like in Portsmouth and in 2023 and 2024, just about anything I try in terms of work still gets torpedoed, sometimes complete with taunting. On one occasion, I already got a rejection email before I had even applied.

Also, in 2022, I received notification that my former colleague Willem de Lange was going to be targeted as part of the long-term stalking of me. He was indeed. He contacted me at the end of last year and then again earlier this year, out of the blue. This year, his demeanor was very standoffish.

There has been something else that remains worrisome but that I am not going to detail here.

25 February 2025: Been logged out of this site on my tablet and the password has been changed. It was still working fine recently.

24 February 2025: Received an email from a cousin who I last spoke with in my late teens. “How are things and where are you now.” Mysteriously signed “je verguisde neef”. He wrote the same thing to me 1 or 2 months ago at a different email address. Was this really from him? Possibly. He’s a little odd.

I wish I had stage-4 cancer instead of this. People would believe me and support me then. What I am dealing with is far too creepy and crazy for anyone to be comfortable with. It’s all so so unbelievably nasty and often really cunning. Someone has turned this into an art form over the course of his lifetime. It’s so so nasty.

See also other pages about this. I still desperately want my life back. I want this goddamn nightmare, this relentless frenzy of hate against me, this incessant effort to destroy even the pitiful bit that’s left of my life, to stop.

---

November 2024: A bunch of creepy, nasty spoofed mails. Nah nah nah nah nah. (Lekker puh.) Seemingly coming from one person in the States, apparently written by a different person in the States, but in all likelihood written by and coming from someone in England.

(Also, I am now applying for work that the hacking prevented about a year ago because, just like in Portsmouth they suggested that I had blood cancer, they suggested that I had a serious eye problem a year ago and held up eye exam results for about two months just so that they could fuck with my computer screens. I got a faked call about my supposed eye problem at the time too.) (I have also applied for other work that the hacking put a stop too by approaching people in real life ) (That interference is at least partly because of stupid incel ideas, by the way.)

26 September 2024: There was a lot of digital abuse yesterday. It started at shortly before 3pm my time. I was about to attend a webinar. He thinks I fancy the guys in these particular videos and webinars. No idea why. (He’s openly commented about it, when I was still in Portsmouth. That’s how I know.) (Isn’t that a sign of narcissistic personality disorder?)

It took me five minutes and a reboot to access the webinar, and there was really unusual tablet behavior. He would not let me access the webinar directly, so that I couldn’t read or ask any questions.

There was some stuff about “legacy Amazon” too, at the same time. (He’s been going on about my will again lately, come to think of it.)

I think there was something else. Oh yeah, I had been logged out of an app. But I think there was something else, too. I may have forgotten because it was really sadistic? Oh, right. Something about democracy. That this abuse of me is democracy? That showed up the day before too. That this abuse of me is democracy.

I don’t want to leave a legacy, I just want to be left in peace. I just want to be able to breathe again. I felt awful when he started abusing me again. Went to the shop and got a bag of potato rösti, wishing I were dead. Why can’t this abusive stuff finally finally finally stop?

I wish I were dead because then he would be forced to move on to someone else. He, they, whatever… these sadistic cowards. I want my life back.

After yesterday’s abuse, I became quite dysfunctional. Wasn’t capable of doing much any more. Overwhelmed with despair. And I got so tired.

(I fell asleep, at about 10 pm or so, still dressed. Later changed. Woke up again after 8 am. This abuse is so exhausting.)

I seemed to get pestered on YouTube as well. When there’s weird stuff and comments that should be there aren’t there whereas comments that shouldn’t be there any longer (because I deleted them) still are…

After I typed the previous (that is, the update, about the banking hiccups), he typed “ah” by the way.

(Some time ago, I got some really unpleasant emails from someone, btw. I thought that they were genuine but I have recently started to wonder if they were actually from the person in question. I wonder if this too was just intended to cut me off from the person. The emails did not really make much sense. I shrugged. But he really likes isolating me. I mustn’t forget that.)

(Also, there’s been a Portsmouth scene at a local supermarket, twice, two days ago or so. Making fun of my poverty and impending homelessness. The pattern is exactly the same as in Portsmouth. That’s why I noticed it. He used to do the exact same thing at Asda in the exact same combination of circumstances.) (Could it be a coincidence? Sure. But I don’t think that it was.)

I think I have also figured out what the Dublin and Malta stuff is about. Dublin may be when I am connected to the computer at SH and Malta may be when I am connected to the computer at CH. (Malta then stands for Portsea Island.) That’s on my non-Simyo subscriptions. I contacted that provider about this and about the fact that I can’t run their app because “it’s not available at my geographic location”. No reply.

24 September 2024: Yesterday, I discovered that one of my small outgoing payments had been refused “by me” again – it’s happened before – and when I okayed another small one, that one then also had been refused instead of approved, apparently. They’re for two of my mobile subscriptions. I stopped by at the bank but they were having a major system malfunction. Fingers crossed that it’s all related to that. UPDATE: That was caused by a change in how the bank deals with these payments. After you approve them, it now says “refused”. That turns out to be “refused until 11am”, which in practice means “approved”! 🙃😊

This morning, again, zero emails at my regular Gmail address. Every once in a while, I get an email asking me for example whether I want to unsubscribe as I “no longer interact” with any of their mails. Me not getting any emails at all is happening more and more often now. Again, it may be a play on the word “male”. There is incel thinking behind the pestering and the abuse changed the day I turned 60. My “present” was the deletion of four files of a grant proposal I was working on for Suzanne Hulscher’s group, both from the HDD and a USB stick. I had verified that the backup files were on the stick. Hardware hacking can be a real bitch.

23 September 2024: Remember that I mentioned that I once briefly spotted the presence of some kind of teamwork program on my Linux computer in Portsmouth? Well, AnyDesk might be what they installed (and they also installed it on public library computers in Portsmouth, by the way). It runs under lots of different operating systems. Some people may have the word “bossware” in mind now.

As they were picking my locks, they could easily have installed it on my computers when I was out. One way to get me out of my place was to respond to something that I asked for on Freecycle and get me to walk a fairly long distance, making sure that I would be out of the house for quite some time.

22 September 2024, around noon: I turned out to be accessing Amazon via 130 “apps”. Yes, 130. I guess I can explain up to roughly 30. In real life, that might be no more than ten as I usually don’t access all these Amazon services from all my devices but just from one and maybe three or four from two. One login each for .com, nl, .de, .co.uk, one for my author profile, one for my KDP account, one for my associates account, possibly aws and maybe one or two more countries such as Japan and France and for a browser on one phone (nope) and one browser on a tablet (yes) and one browser on a computer, but 130 is more than four times that. Amazon logins have always been messy, however. I used to hate that I needed a different login each time and had to list links for each separate country and they later streamlined it. But there definitely has been a lot of messing with my Amazon accounts in recent years and there currently seems to be some messing in my KDP account again. I am also currently having some issues in the associated DHL account…

I think I’ve just unequivocally proven 4chan involvement in the pestering of me. 130 logins??? That explains so much.

21 September 2024, morning: It never stops. Here are a few examples.

The date for my mobile phone subscription in my data warning settings had changed in a phone. And my antivirus app had been deleted. This is a brand-new phone, which when I first used it was not able to create an internet connection for my computer when I tethered it, but then made the computer reboot spontaneously after which it had an internet connection.

Yeah, right.

Ordering the phone was a test. Was it going to get interfered with or not?

Sigh.

This bizarre obsession with me is still as strong as ever.

I need to assess and test such things from time to time to be able to determine what my options are.

I expected the phone not to be clean because I had seen some signs that pointed toward that possibility, including a flurry of e-mails – such as about, ha ha, double bonus points – and strange hiccups in the date of dispatch and the date of delivery. I’ve learned the hard way that when packages are suddenly inexplicably delayed by two days or so, that is often because they get intercepted and interfered with; this is how 4chan-like activities work, too. The box was sealed with plastic, but there was dust under the seal – smudge on the box – and there was a little bit of air under the camera seal. Opened boxes can be resealed. Developer mode can be activated and then shut down again.

It’s more likely, however, that there was code on my computer. At least, that is another possibility. I ordered this phone from my computer. One program had suddenly been getting updates daily, sometimes twice daily, which is very unusual.

I can’t travel out of the country, folks, each time I want to do something that I don’t want interfered with.

18 September 2024: Okay, onward. I made a few decisions for myself. I KNOW that if I mollycoddle them, so to speak, they are okay – it is a matter of what goes around comes around, very literally – but then they tend to cross the line too. They have this strong urge for control and meddling. I remember having attended that Saturday conference at Kent University. I was so happy! That was the first time in so many years that life had really felt like normal life to me again. I had been able to forget everything else and was thinking about everything that had been said. And there he was, meddling again. I can’t even remember what exactly he did, but I remember feeling devastated. He makes everything about HIM. If he doe

(And now he is going to run off on the basis of the above again? He has these ideas about people, what they need and what they are, and those ideas are fixed in stone and other people can’t have an opinion at all. I think that that’s the brother, maybe.)

So now I am getting this all the time again (messing with various connections). This type of nonsense has been going on ever since I moved into this place, no matter what subscription I use to access the internet. Sees me press a button, quickly cuts the connection. That’s what he was doing in mt5 yesterday; did it twice. (Does the reverse too at times, keeps popping up this green connected message.) About ten days ago, he was making my mouse open all sorts of windows and double-click on one click a few times. Just for fun. I haven’t opened up mt5 yet. (But I need to make enough money to be able to get out of here and until less than a month ago, I didn’t have the money to be able to start doing that.)

What’s the point of trying to do ANYTHING, when you have this moron trying to sabotage everything in your life, and who sends you fake job offers and projects, too, just for fun. There I go, happy, positive, moving forward, a new spring to my step, only to find out it was fake, AGAIN! Geology project with a teacher in Canada. Yay! Agency contacting me from London. Yay! Several people I communicated with in connection with a petition I started. Yay! Project in Southampton. Yay! Project in London. Yay! New project, Chinese/American technology company. Yay! New project, American company, something medical, something government-related. Yay! Even had a Skype interview for that one. Job in Amsterdam. I have the money I need to cover the first month of public transport, too. Yay! All fake. (On one occasion maybe not fake but merely messed with because I can’t see that fully having been staged.) Do I need to go on? I don’t even want to recall all of this. It goes on and on and on, not just about jobs and other people’s projects. Amazon ad campaign approved. Yay! It goes on and on and on and on.

(People I know asking me to fly to Florida and Argentina, offering me temporary shelter there, too. People making excuses as to why they can’t have a video call with me when I want to have one so that I can check whether what I am dealing with is legit.) It was not all negative, but the aim of that seems to have been controlling and manipulative.

18 September 2024: this was all my regular gmail email this morning (see screenshot) and when I logged into my protonmail account, that didn’t go smoothly, so he may have been deleting incoming mails there. There was a lot of nonsense yesterday and my body’s responded with an instant inflammation response. I’ve had over 16 years of this.

I made the stupid mistake of trying to find out if he was still after me like a rabid terrier or not. I don’t even know why I did that because I know only too well what he does. Trying to appease him? Trying to make him feel so bored that he would finally leave me alone? Trying to negotiate, again? No, I was just trying to find out what my options are, actually, practically, moving forward and also trying to put an end to this insanity, trying to find out if that was possible. I can plan all I want, but if I don’t factor him in, all that planning is useless. There are things that I want to do in the future that I cannot do in the Netherlands, but that I can do in England and there are things in England that I value and that aren’t available in the Netherlands. I don’t type up anything that I want to do or search for anything that I want to do because then he will know about it. If I need to be in England to do what I want to do, then I need to be able to live there, however, in more than one sense. If I can live there, then I also don’t have to worry about my future pension payments enabling him to track me down.

I need my life to be LIVABLE and it has not been for far too long. He’s lately been going all sugary again and it’s creepy. (He has a Jekyll & Hyde thing going on, btw, but I don’t think it’s genuine, I think he just does it to cover his ass. He sticks to it pretty rigidly, but he messed up big time once in the beginning, when he openly wrote that a comment left on my business website had been left by his girlfriend and that he would spank her.)

This is a guy I had three appointments with in 2008. I shook his hand at the first appointment and we exchanged many emails for a short time. Sixteen years ago! That is when I last spoke with him (in the presence of many others, I should add). He’s insane! He began targeting me within 24 hours after the first appointment. Crazy. I never saw it coming, any of it. (That’s actually a good thing.)

But I was uneasy.

I was moving away and I thought that that would be the end of it. I considered going to the local police upon arrival in the new town, informing them about this crazy stuff that had been happening in my life lately, just in case, but… I didn’t. I probably should have. I had already filed one police report in the previous town, but that was before I discovered with certainty what/who the source was of what had happened.

I have to accept that this guy is genuinely crazy and that it’s impossible to establish any kind of reasonable communication or negotiation with him. The reality remains what it has been for many years, that I need to be able to disappear without a trace in order to get my life back.

The reality that I can probably not rely on pension payments in the future because they might enable him to find out where I am living at the time has been with me for a while, too. I’ve been thinking about how I can circumvent this.

I don’t want to have to live and think this way! But each time I haven’t – since he began pestering me – I’ve regretted it.

No, I am NOT talking about what the markets are doing. I am talking about what YOU are doing, about the crazy shit that YOU do. Stop interfering with my life. Go away. Leave me alone! Stop messing with my browser settings. Leave my emails alone, too. Stop doing all the bizarre destructive shit that you do. Go away. Leave me alone and leave any people associated with me in any way alone, too.

You first started grabbing and interfering with my emails in 2008. The first occasion I remember it happened is after that slug, that sea snail, had been left at the door. I thought that someone else was being really nutty in his emails all of a sudden, me not realizing what was going on. (I think that this was after someone at the Cellars approached me, walked up to me from the corner, and asked me for my private email address, for a band’s mailing list or whatever, but she didn’t write it down on a sheet but on a small piece of paper and she didn’t ask anyone else but walked back. It just looked off and that made it stand out. So did something about her attitude.)

You’re insane, dude. You’re totally completely crazy and pretty damn scary.

(And you’re obsessed with sex and with genitals, more so than most men. You’re completely unhinged.)

10 September 2024, 09:50: After I wrote elsewhere on this site that I was fed up with all the nonsense, my tablet lost its connection again. Oh, that reminds me… A few years ago, there was some word play with (a) tablet, too. I’ve forgotten what it was about. All these stupid games. Usually, it involves some urban slang. I am so fed up with this bullshit, the stupid guessing games. My entire life has been about this bullshit and its consequences for so long now. WTF do these people want from me? Why do they keep hounding and pestering me so obsessively? It’s been going on for over 16 years! (There’s a problem in that too. There is absolutely nothing left of my life. Nothing. The pestering is all there is. Being hounded and pestered and powerless has almost become my identity now.)

Sometimes I figure some of this shit out months or years after it happened, when they bombarded me with some urban slang nonsense for example and I suddenly run into its meaning on the internet and the coin drops. It’s often something really childish. This is all so totally crazy. And so abusive. So destructive.

Btw, they actually seem to take shifts pestering me. One person can be pestering several people per hour; the effect on each of the pestered is massive, but it’s like children ringing people’s doorbells, it is nowhere near such a burden on the people who are doing the pestering. I certainly don’t have the illusion that I am the only one being pestered.

10 September 2024: Yesterday evening, I noticed that the app lock had disappeared for one of my email services that I access via my tablet. Just now, I saw that alternative routing had been enabled again for my protonmail address. (I disable it because I don’t want to be accessing some mirror on someone else’s computer. In countries where certain services get blocked, this is how they are made possible in spite of official blocks.) Remember that the tablet appears to have gotten cloned in June 2023; its gmail address became accessed from a Linux computer then and it coincided with IRL activity.

9 September 2024: Yesterday evening, my tablet lost the connection again and was suddenly connected to an unknown WiFi hotspot with “config” in the name (something like “WifiConfig123”, with no password protection). It only saw it in the air briefly (just like the WiFi scanner that I have seen in the air in Portsmouth once).

Also, they may have done something about the sound deterioration on my tablet; the hacking often causes noise (possibly due to ground loops).

There’s been some other stuff too in the meantime that I am not going to mention yet. When I mention things that I notice, steps sometimes get taken to hide the things that make me notice that something is going on. Hackers don’t always know exactly what what they do looks like on the receiving end and sometimes, they simply overlook something.

7 September 2024: Yes, this stuff still goes on and on and on. (It’s been going on for over 16 years, for fuck’s sake. It’s insane. Unfortunately, it is also often really nasty.)

Someone has also been going into my apartment, when I am out. Not sure if I mentioned this before. I suspect it’s the same guy who I saw go into a neighbor’s apartment one day when I thought that the person was my new neighbor. His demeanor was off, but that this was because he had no business going into that apartment did not occur to me. I later found out that it was not my neighbor at all. (It may be like in Portsmouth, that I didn’t know it was happening at first but that it has been going on for a while. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.)

Today and yesterday, I got lots of those “google report” emails again. I haven’t exactly been getting many other emails for a long time and they no longer bother hiding that they are doing this. I’ve been checking my email and for example seen a particular email pop up and disappear again a few times. How they do this, that I don’t know, but I figured out a long time ago that they were actually generating emails and messages INSIDE my equipment. I think that’s because it makes it much harder to catch them and it also makes it much easier for them to make me look like an idiot. (Oh, wait, it could also be that I am connecting to a mirror; after all he/they apparently cloned my tablet in June 2023.) It’s extremely calculated, what’s been going on. And whoever is masterminding this continues to have isolating me as one of his main goals. (Whether he actually realizes that is a different matter.)

20 August 2024, 16:01:

About a week ago, I noticed two things that benefited me, by the way, but they were minor. Minor expenses that disappeared, or didn’t show up, for the same day. Could have been mere hiccups. I can’t mention them because if they are not hiccups then they could bring people in trouble and I have no way of knowing who exactly would be affected, whether it would be the people who did it. It might be mere scapegoats. Likely, in fact. It’s no big deal, in any case. It’s like those 10-pound and 15-pound payments that I used to get so that I could buy food so that I could survive. It’s manipulative.

20 August 2024: There’s been abusive stuff for days now and as punishment for me calling them out on it, they now shut down my internet connection every our or so – this time on a different SIM card than the two that they did this on earlier – and I am also getting the same stupid text messages and emails over and over. It’s 4chan and 8kun. My entire life is filled with crap coming from a bunch of mostly 18 year-olds who have pestering people as their life’s purpose. Fighting off crap from what apparently was 4chan and 8chan is basically all I have been doing since 9 June 2008. (No wonder there were never any calls back then. Voice-cloning wasn’t a thing yet.)

Some actually seem to work in the building that I am currently staying in. Males.

16 August 2024, 20:19: that strange YouTube hashtag has kept popping up throughout the day again. It’s this: #theloveandfreedomtoxicrelationshiprecoverycoach I have no idea what it has to do with anything. (I also received a strange YouTube comment, in which I was called fallenAngelina . 🤔🥴 It reminds me of a song of my teenage years. But it’s also some kind of urban slang these days, apparently? I think it’s just a regular YouTube nutcase, though, nothing to do with me, specifically.) (I’ve gotten a comment about my teeth, too. Ha ha. Ha.) Subscriptions have been going up, but it’s happened before and it’s fake. There will soon be a day on which they all unsubscribe. It’s purely contempt-driven, mostly misogyny-driven, partly gerontophobia-driven.

16 August 2024, 9:07: There’s been more stuff.

• The word “stalking” became attached to many word suggestions while I was typing, a few days ago. It may have stopped again, as I have not seen it yet this morning. (An odd hashtag popped up among my YouTube suggestions too, come to think of it. To do with me coaching people how to recover from narcissistic relationships or something similar, but I am not doing such a thing.)
• Last week, I had an appointment for a video call with someone to discuss the topic of a paper that this person had published. The appointment turned out to be fake ( just like for example the thing with the school teacher in Canada who contacted me because she needed a geologist for a school project, years ago; I was going to Skype in to their class session). I have submitted a response to that paper, to a Springer Nature journal; is it really in their system or is it just sitting on some hacker’s computer? (I can’t rule out that someone created a fake profile merely to draw my attention to the paper that this person wrote, as these are all strange “games” in the first place, and that they hoped that I would write a response and that my response really did reach the journal. Because the topic of the paper is important to the hacker(s). The hacking often has multiple possible explanations as to what is behind it, what its motivation is in the first place.)
  
  What is it with all these bizarre concocted occasions apparently mostly intended to “humiliate” me, which included that people sometimes obviously had been told strange things about me?
  
• Yesterday, on 15 Aug, I received a call with a job offer, but the promised follow-up emails didn’t arrive. (I’ll follow up on this, of course. Update: Yes, it was fake.) Also interesting is that the person suddenly was unable to hear me and had to call me back; this is a pattern that started in Portsmouth.
  
  Was this fake again, just like that project for the Amazon-related Chinese technology company or the American medical project for which I needed to upload id-related documentation after the Skype interview? That Skype interview was a little like this call I had yesterday. The questions you’d expect people to ask weren’t asked. You get an odd feeling, but then again, society has changed and experience and skills have become less relevant, so it can be hard to tell whether a conversation is genuine. About a year ago, there was similar nonsense, btw. It’s so disappointing when something turns out to be fake again. (I’m now reminded of someone writing to me “there’s nothing quite like anticipation”, coming from the person with whom this all started. He kept me waiting for some work that he was going to do, for a long time. I became so concerned that I eventually asked him to return the item to the address of a local Costa Coffee instead of to my own address.)

I can’t believe that I fled from Portsmouth, left everything behind, only to remain almost as powerless as I was before. There’s been no more lock-picking, no more animal cruelty and no random locals are attacking me physically or verbally.

4 Aug 2024: there’s been a lot of stuff, sigh – as usual – and this block – see below – has disappeared from my phone. As always, it’s a strange mix of positive and negative, but as of roughly Monday 29 July, it was suddenly quite calm in my equipment. Bliss!!! 🥰 Until this weekend… See, I started writing a paper on Monday. He tried to give me enough space to think. On Sunday, he increasingly seemed – yes, definitely! – to want to demand my attention again. (Nope, he doesn’t seem to like it much when I focus on anything that isn’t him, whether he realizes it or not. He can’t help himself.)

22 July 2024, 15:48: I’d recently spotted once or twice that someone else was making use of my hot spots. I just noticed that again and this time, I managed to block 56:96:22:4e:2e:e5 on one of my phones. I don’t know if this mac address is real or spoofed. Likely randomly generated. It looks odd, anyway, and if that is on purpose, I know what he’s trying to say but he’s really only being an abusive dickhead.

But who is this?

(24-7-2024: The person may have identified himself in the meantime. This morning, when I picked up my phone and for whatever reason ended up looking at my location, Google gave me a message that the accuracy was off – ha ha, not the guy with the dog, then? – and the location dot moved to a local computer tech’s business which is around the corner. That is not close enough to be able to pick up a wifi signal, but whoever this is may certainly have been sitting in a car in front of the building to access my equipment. There sometimes are cars there, with someone in it, for hours, so yeah, it’s possible. Does that mean that it’s definitely him? Not necessarily. There is a 50% chance on the basis of this, but the probability is greater than 50% as this business also happens to be a mere few meters from where I was pestered along the same street in December 2023.)

Keep in mind that I am currently in a flat in a care home in a country with a huge housing shortage. So it should be easy for police to figure out who this might be. Most people here are in their 80s and 90s, or so I have been told. Having lived abroad for two decades and having continued to pay my dues for the housing association made me number 1 out of 2600 candidates for this flat. There are no other homes nearby, so it’s definitely coming from within the building (and the same goes for the hacking of my computer; that was done from within the building or from a car standing in front of the building).

My guess has always been that it’s coming from within the apartment right above me, by the way. I don’t know who lives there.

Because my phones were hacked to pieces in Portsmouth and I have not been able to replace them, they are likely easily accessible for anyone who wants to access them, these days, but not for random people.

In Portsmouth, one of my phones used to be accessed separate from the SIM card or wifi or bluetooth; I don’t remember if it was this one or the other phone on which I saw that happening. The other one had a system update about a month ago and now I lose internet on it about every two hours, and need to reboot the phone. This one – basically same model – now for the first time did not have a simultaneous update. (I use three Dutch subscriptions because the monthly data allowance is much lower here than in England, and I tether.)

However, I only lose the data connection in the other phone when I am using Simyo for data. It just so happens that around the same time something changed in the KPN network that Simyo uses, so I understand, and that affects how iPhone 11 and iPhone 12 connect to 4G and 5G; it can kick the phone into Edge or 2G. Could that mean that this illegal network that I am still on – and have been on since at least 2010 – somehow uses iPhone-11/12 phones?

I started losing the internet connection briefly, approximately every two hours, after I had noticed a discrepancy with a server that I was using and contacted its company about it. That server was two hours behind but it should have been the same time or an hour ahead of me.

One of my computers in Portsmouth used to be accessed via the power lines in the building. Yes, that is possible, certainly for anyone who also constantly picks the locks, which went on for at least 14 years.

My point? This is pretty advanced hacking, I’d say. This isn’t run-off-the-mill script kiddies, I’d say, and it’s pretty obsessive. Someone out there used to control almost every aspect of my life when I was in Portsmouth and severely restricted me, also tended to punish me when I didn’t keep my mouth shut about what was going on. That control is still happening to a pretty large degree. It’s impossible to hide in the country that I am currently in because you need to register every fart, sneeze and cough with the authorities before you can do anything, even just get a place to live. Hackers can always find you here.

22 July 2024, 08:55: I saw an email arrive that never showed up in my inbox. This also used to happen a lot in my gmail account ever since I became targeted. I would see emails arrive, but they’d disappear into the depths of my equipment and never show up. This time it happened in the Protonmail app on my tablet. It was an email from CMC Markets with “Taiwan” in the subject line. I did once start an application for an account with CMC Markets; I don’t remember whether I completed it, but I do know that I’ve never actually used CMC Markets. I searched for “Taiwan” among my emails, but that did not turn up said email.

I think it’s also happening in my Zoho app; I’ve gotten three recent mails in a row from PayPal about a change in legal agreements even though I no longer have a PayPal account with that email address – I had one about ten years ago – and I am also suddenly getting mails from WoningNet again about available dwellings in Amsterdam. I do not intend to renew my WoningNet subscription because that system totally STINKS (far too rigid to be of any good use). More importantly, I likely won’t be eligible for another home until after 15 to 20 years from now anyway, with the possible exception of the occasional abandoned care home and other places where nobody wants to live.

22 July 2024: I haven’t solved the Ireland riddle yet (why Google often thinks that I am in Ireland or Malta). There may be a logical explanation for it, but I haven’t found it yet.

21 July 2024: One of my phones had a “Windows update” at the top of its Google Play Store app updates and my internet access kept shutting down. Ha ha ha ha ha. (This was right after the Crowdstrike hiccup struck but none of my equipment was affected by that.) Just a little prank. I rebooted the phone and then the announcement about the Windows app update had disappeared.

Haven’t posted here for a while. There’s been lots of stuff. It included one of my browsers opening itself and then having been restored with bookmarks that I had on my Linux computer in Portsmouth, without syncing. Local very ugly-minded people are trying to declare me non compos mentis either because they may genuinely not or pretend to not understand why I have not been able to support myself since I became targeted as they don’t believe that targeted hacking exists in real life or they are terrified that I will expose a lot of corruption, multimillion-euro fraud and other shady, stinky ongoings (but it appears to be the second option that’s triggered it all and the former that’s become the tool to the end; they’ve been scheming to get all the required boxes ticked – on paper, because that is all that matters – because not everything that’s unusual or bizarre in my life these days is caused by UK-origin hacking). In the meantime, I continue to be pestered by the usually highly obstructive and destructive hacking and remain basically just as powerless as and even more isolated than I already was in Portsmouth for so long. And nobody wants to help me because I am just another Shakira Spencer of Bijan Ebrahimi. Objectionable and expendable.

3 June 2024, 10:34 Here we go again. I suddenly have only 412 MB. I had over 3.5 GB less than 24 hours ago and nothing’s changed. But the incessant rattling of my HDD has suddenly stopped. “You’re running out of space again, nah nah nah nah nah”. Forcing me to spend time on resolving stupid hacking-related IT issues.

Remember that it said 0 kb on Friday?

3 June 2024, 07:39 I supposedly lost over a GB in storage space in 24 hours without anything having been added and only things having been deleted and the HD being fine. His stupid “you’re running out of space again, nah nah nah nah nah” game. My tablet and phone remain ice cold, so he’s no longer listening to me on those. Am still logged into that site that I should not be logged into, on my PC, though.

2 June 2024, 21:50: Tablet continues to be ICE cold and remains cool when I am watching videos on it.

2 June 2024, 20:08 Connected to server in Ireland again, on PC.

2 June 2024, 11:09 On my PC, which gets internet from a different phone, I find myself still logged in to a money-related site that should require me to type in a password that the browser does not have and a 2FA code from a phone that has no SIM card and is usually in flight mode. I’d blame it on the site, except something like that also used to happen with various actual bank sites when I was still in Portsmouth. My tablet and that phone are still both ICE COLD. (I guess he used to listen in attempts to hear how miserable I was?) Btw, the messing with my emails never stops. There is always some of it going on (even sometimes when I think there is none, but then it becomes clear later).

2 June 2024, 9:09 My tablet and the phone that’s providing internet to it are both ICE COLD. Holy crap.

1 June 2024, 18:42 Connected to a server in Ireland again (on PC).

1 June 2024, 14:19 Was connected to a server in Ireland again (on PC; before, that was on my phone, different SIM card; see below, was on 28 and 29 May).

1 June 2024, 09:38: So I deleted a bunch of stuff but the HDD continues to rattle. He keeps at it. He’s possibly filling up system directories with crap again, but he’s also good at making a system THINK that it’s running out of space when it isn’t. He’s capable of powerline hacking too. In Portsmouth, I once walked back into my office after having left the building to go on a long walk but having forgotten something, and found that a program had been opened on an offline computer, a computer that could not be connected to the internet in any way because there was nothing plugged into it other than a power cable. (The powerline hacking was confirmed within the next few days.)

(09:44 Oh. It’s code! And I know exactly when he introduced it. 😁 11:11 Confirmed. Never mind. I’m too fed up to still want to bother.)

Did I already mention that when I type on this site, the page on my screen sometimes zips up and down a lot? All by itself? That too often happened in Portsmouth.

What also may have started up again, just like in Portsmouth, is packages going astray in really weird ways and getting all kinds of weird communications about it, but it is still too early to tell.

1 June 2024, 9:03: He’s currently, again, clearly not in my tablet as it’s ice-cold (a very rare occurrence; he’s blown up so many of my phones, back in Portsmouth, because they’d overheat). He (but can’t possibly be just one person) continued to mess with the available free space on my 80 GB HD throughout the day yesterday and he changed it back again to 284 MB in the evening. Now it’s 0 bytes.

(He also often changes the temperature on my weather report, for example to 39 degrees C or 4 degrees C when it’s 12 or 19, just like he changed my location in the weather report on my screen to “Shomron Regional Council, Netherlands” on 5 December 2023.)

It began about two days ago; I could hear the HDD rattle and rattle and rattle and rattle and rattle. He’s referring to something that is going on in my life. As I haven’t been able to support myself for nearly 16 years now, and cannot apply for benefits without instantly running into trouble and making my life even more miserable – regardless of whether or not I talk about this abusive bullshit, I look like a lying loser, and all it ever leads to is more abuse – because of this continuing nonsense, I continue to have trouble paying bills. So I am “running out of space” again. Ha ha.

(Yes, I am being evicted again. Of course! When the hacking really geared up again in the course of June 2023, I already figured that this was very likely going to happen. Not to mention after the PC that I bought after a little while also got accessed pretty soon after and other nonsense happened.)

Yes, he does this kind of nonsense all the time, but the main idea always seems to have been “if I stop you from supporting yourself, you will have to admit that you need a man to pay the bills for you and you’ll move in with the first jerk that comes along”. (Hell, no. To the contrary.) This theme about me not having “respect” for men and me needing to “respect” men, about all men “deserving respect”, that is why I sometimes wonder whether this is an incel thing, this strange thing that I am subjected to.

This hacker – primarily a hardware hacker – did this in Portsmouth all the time. I’ll spare you screenshots. (He’s been removing photos from this site too. I’ve previously found him deleting photos from my harddisk in Portsmouth that he didn’t think were useful or that he didn’t like, for example a badly lit photo that, however, clearly showed a malformed bird beak.) One time, a hidden systems directory was loading up with videos of bare women’s thighs at such a rapid pace that my operating system ran out of space to run in. I’ve also found gaming videos on one of my phones.

He tends to go after things – including people and animals – that matter to me or that he thinks are sensitive areas for me. (So I actually sometimes post a load of rubbish.)

Again, it’s not one “he”, in practice, but there is one main person, according to himself.

31 May 2024: Here – see screenshot below – is another part of the kind of bombardment that I’ve been exposed to for sixteen years now. At least, this doesn’t do any harm, as far as I am aware of, because I can just delete these messages and be done with it. Takes me no more than a minute. Dealing with the other stuff

The screenshot shows you that on a mail address for my co.uk domain – which I started using after I lost the .com site for my business – I am flooded with fake emails about a real protonmail account that almost nobody knows about because it’s only a backup address and that I haven’t used in over a year, maybe even two or three years now. I logged into it a few times after I started getting these emails but there was nothing there, so the emails are 100% spoofed. They have to be coming from the person who controlled my equipment in Portsmouth – which is how he knows about the existence of the mail address – and who was constantly picking the locks there.

In theory, it could also perhaps be Protonmail staff or staff at any of the internet providers I used in my last years in Portsmouth, or perhaps Portsmouth library staff. I did get targeted at the public libraries there; one day, for example, I got an anonymous tweet that said “I am here, at the library”.) To imagine that this nonsense has been going on for 16 years now, that’s impossible, but it all began on 9 June 2008.

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What I needed?

(Past tense because it’s probably too late now. Some years ago, I could still have done things that are now done by AI. I needed enough money to get away – transport, such as get an old car, hide it somewhere else and then one day, maybe on a very early Monday morning load up the car and just GO and then later switch to a different car if I left the UK – and support myself for three months, while I purchased new equipment, set up new mail addresses and accounts. I came up with an alias that I could easily explain, too, to make it much harder to find me. I looked frumpy and grey for years so that it would be harder to find me again later, because if someone spotted me on CCTV somewhere, I’d look different and might not be recognized. In England, you could still get printed maps. I used to sit on my bed, planning my escape. Part of it was making it look like I’d probably gone to the Netherlands but actually going to Poole or Weymouth, staying there for about a week and then going elsewhere. I made no detailed notes, did no internet searches (probably other than occasionally looking into the prices of ferries to all sorts of places), sometimes grabbed a book off a library shelf to check something. I had made four escape attempts in 2017 and 2018 and learned a lot from it. The lockdowns during the pandemic also hammered home how immensely hostile Portsmouth normally was and I really made my mind up then that I wanted to get the hell out of that place, just because of its culture.) I really wanted to have left in the summer or by the early fall of 2022, but I was in such a hurry that I made a predictable stupid mistake. I should have been ruthless yet much more patient and then I could have disappeared successfully in the spring of 2023. I’d earlier been at the point of bolting to Paris where I could clean hotel rooms or whatever so that I wouldn’t need to be online, but then the Bataclan attack happened and ferries were stopped so that was not a good time to leave. As an alternative, I’ve also suggested that I could serve as his live-in assistant, perhaps, because he did seem to need one, depending on who exactly it was, but that was a long time ago. It seemed better to have to deal with someone who you can actually talk to and see than dealing with lock-picking, hacking and what not. I thought that I’d probably be able to handle that and that it would probably be a lot better than being so utterly stuck. I’d have had to watch my boundaries, for sure, but I’d know that in advance. It’s not the same as getting sucked into something without being aware of it. It’s matter of making a list of pluses and minuses. Not everything that may seem negative is devoid of pluses!)

• What I had been saying for so many years!
  
  I needed to be able to disappear, and in such a way that I could never be found again by this oh so destructive interference (so that, among other things, I would be able to support myself again, and start over, live my life freely again like any other person who is not constantly being hacked to smithereens and undermined in so many other ways).
  
  That takes money, more money than I have been able to make in the past decade at any point in time, because I had to be controlled as part of this sick game, and making sure that I never had more than a few hundred bucks at best was part of that. The other bullshit and the hacking’s been suffocating me for so long now.
  
  In Portsmouth, it was all there, right in front of people’s faces, for anyone to see that my situation did not add up in any way, yet what most people did who I asked or begged for help was scoff and ridicule me.
  
  Any fool could see that my situation made no sense whatsoever, but it was so much easier for people in authority to look the other way instead of actually listen and considering to help me.
  
  Also, most people have no idea what FEAR in people’s eyes looks like, what TERROR looks like, and people mistake it for example for autism because they can’t see the source of the terror.
  
  Very little changed after I left Portsmouth. I was utterly gutted when the hacking really geared up again in June 2023. The lock-picking (and everything associated with it), that has now stopped and there have not been any more attacks on animals in and around my home either. There has not been any targeted physical abuse (of myself) since I left Portsmouth either.
  
  It appears, however, that since I left Portsmouth, there have once again been people again have been contacted with bullshit stories about me, just like often happened when I was still in Portsmouth. That, but particularly the hacking, it’s been so debilitating.
  
  Please stop believing all the bizarre bullshit you may have been told about me by anyone who’s contacted you claiming to be a concerned friend of mine or whatever.
  
  Whoever it was, that person was most certainly not a friend but either a gullible flying monkey or someone who’s very manipulative and controlling and who’s been sabotaging my life for 16 years now. It’s crazy! I agree!
  
  Some of you are not only being used to make stupid remarks – for example about my supposed lack of confidence – because of what you have been told about me, you are also being used to get access to me, to glean information, to get me to share things with you, because it’s hard for him to know what I am really thinking. The first time that this occurred in England, as far as I am aware, was with an Indonesian woman with a degree from the States who works at the University in Portsmouth; I suspect that her husband – who runs the music department at the same University – has a direct connection to the person who’s been pestering me for so long. She was also used to play stupid games with me and emails from her became faked. She for example emailed me that she had booked a place for me at a certain presentation at the University, but that turned out to be fake. It was so that I was forced to wait outside until everyone else had entered to see if there were spots left so that someone else could pester me while I was waiting there. (At the time, I thought that the woman was incompetent. This was still in the early stages of this nonsense. It was only later that I developed the insight that she was just a pawn in this stupid game; she wasn’t to blame.)
  
  I too have had a lot of spoofed calls and emails. I know how easy it is to fall for this.
  
  I’ve had an entire phone conversation with a journalist, for example, which turned out to be completely fake. (I set up a petition for a guy in Lancashire and within that context, I communicated – or tried to – with several people there, to verify information and to get further information. This journalist had written about the matter, but when I called the person, my call went god knows where. I ended up talking with a fraud and the same pattern – intended to be sadistic or to explore my emotions, in the sense of how much or little certain things had hurt – that always occurs within this nonsense kicked in again and the person deviated from the truth so much that I knew that I was being had again.)
  
  I’ve also for example communicated with a teacher in Canada (Kitimat, BC) about a Skype session about geology with her class. That was totally fake, like so many other communications I have had in the past 16 years.
  
  I was later also pestered for a while by someone who called herself a social worker. It seemed to be an attempt to hear how utterly powerless I felt. Something about it sounded really fishy so I started to ask for ID and that is when the excuses started. Also, I was unable to call her; whenever I tried, I couldn’t get through or would get cut off. She always called me. (I cannot rule out that the person may even have used software to create a fake voice.) On Twitter, someone then told me or I saw a tweet that mentioned that there was a register of social workers and of temporary social workers and I checked it. Incredulously, there later was more fake bullshit in relation to that same person, but as I knew it was fake, for other reasons as well, I could safely ignore that, but you feel really sick when you get bombarded with that kind of nonsense. (In Portsmouth, it seems that people quite often fake or steal stationery, by the way. Staff may take a few sheets – and envelopes – home every once in a while, just so that they can pester, for example, neighbors.)
  
  In the past, one of the people who appeared to have fallen for the bullshit was a Dutch visual artist. Another one was a foreign woman with a business in Bournemouth, someone who I have never met; she became a tool in a sometimes slightly sadistic little manipulative game, mostly in eh 2011, I think. (Above, I just mentioned an Indonesian woman in Portsmouth, who works at the University, who got sent after me too. That was in 2009 and 2010.) The Dutch artist is also someone who I have never met. A mutual contact once sent her my way, long before this nonsense started. I think it was after a person writing for her or doing translations for her or whatever abandoned her, let her down, or started doing different things professionally, something like that. Could I help her? She’s not a scientist but I like creative things too, so I said that I would give it a go. That was in 2006 or 2007, maybe. So I very occasionally did a tiny bit of work for her. 30 bucks. 100 bucks. Once every three to six months or so, easy to squeeze in. At some point, in 2012 I think, after my life had collapsed, something changed and I was often spending almost all my time on her. She initially appeared to be very friendly and helpful, back then, but here was too much strange stuff that was just too weird and I started to feel abused. Other people, mostly in Portsmouth, had already been told bizarre stories about me. So in the end, I simply asked the Dutch woman whether she had been contacted about me by someone from England. I’ve since discovered empirically that when you ask people an important question and they are going to lie about it, what follows is a pause that somehow is different, then comes a “no” with a certain tension in the voice and the person won’t say even a word more about it because they are too afraid of revealing the lie if they say any more. (You tend to remember it, but you don’t know why it stands out.) The Dutch woman lied. She had been contacted by someone from England, with some kind of bullshit story about me, about how the person who contacted her was only trying to help me. She lied about a few other things, too. In the end, I got really angry about it. Very angry. Certainly in Portsmouth, but not only in Portsmouth, there’s been this pattern of people having been told bullshit things about me, not just about me being extreme insecure or whatever but also about me being a really horrible person. It’s something that malignant narcissists do, I know now. In view of this bullshit having been going on since 9 June 2008, the total destruction that has been going on in my life, which began on 9 June 2008, it now completely looks to them as if everything that they have been told about me is correct. Saying anything about it, it’s useless, just like asking for help is useless. For fifteen years, I asked and begged people to help me get out of my horrible situation. It only made things worse. I’m up against someone who even tried to get me to commit suicide just for fun. It’s impossible to win from something like that. That happened in 2018, btw. He’s openly admitted that he tries to manipulate people’s emotions, probably knowing full well, I now say, that me knowing exactly what he was doing but being completely powerless about it must have been so frustrating for me, and so frightening. “I would have to study you and then I might not let you go” was one of the very strange and oddly ominous sounding things that I got to hear from him in 2008 when I had three appointments with him. (“I have a mean streak” and “we will always be connected online” were some of the others.) He wouldn’t let me in peace, and people in the US who had no connection to him kept bringing him up, over the years. Really odd. Yeah right. In 2008, or was it 2009, he also let me know, unasked, how he does that. (Tamper with emails.) He manipulates gullible people. “Just playing a joke on a friend, mate. Just looking out for a friend, mate.” While he is actually sabotaging your life to smithereens, even though that may not be how he sees it. By the end of the year, I knew that I was dealing with a sadist and I’ve filed my first police report. I was about to move away and thought that that would be the end of it. I was wrong. I shook his hand when I met him but he had already decided that he was going to destroy me, though that is not how he may see it. Nobody knew me, in England. It was easy. In 2010 and 2011, he tried to trick my brain into believing that it had multiple personalities. That almost drove me around the bend in 2010. Then, in 2011, one day I suddenly saw what he was doing and then I became immune to it. He’s so manipulative. Oh man. I know he can’t help it, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t matter and can simply be trampled. Unfortunately, I don’t and I can.
  
  In 2024, a different visual artist started behaving in a somewhat similar pattern toward me, but much more strongly so than the one from Almelo. Where did all the weird, somewhat oddly derogatory remarks suddenly come from, the behaviors that seemed manipulative? She had no reason for the remarks, but they did reflect how HE sees me or wants to make me look. (So much of what he does is geared toward causing what he sees as humiliation or embarrassment for me.) Then I discovered that she has a direct connection to the professional specialization of the person with whom all of this began. Dammit. No, I don’t think that this was a coincidence. There was even another pattern in her behavior that may not have been a coincidence, I then realized. That too was something that had happened before. Crap.
  
• I wish that ONE PERSON, at least in Portsmouth, just one person, within this giant mess would have had the courage to actually TALK with me, come clean and be honest about what was going on, at least a little bit. In Portsmouth, everyone always denies having heard of or knowing anyone else and the best they can do is shower you with contempt, when it comes to conversation.

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I became the target of someone else’s often sadistic, manipulative and controlling behaviors on 9 June 2008. This turned out to be coming from within Portsmouth (but wasn’t necessarily organized from within Portsmouth). It’s easy to do something like this to a migrant, certainly if she is a woman of over 45 with no family support, no local support network and no family fortune. (I was 47.)

I didn’t need this. I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t do anything to cause this.

In 2007, I’d already been attacked, literally while reading and annotating a report about the forensics practice in the Netherlands, for Forensics for Dummies.

Here is some of what went down (besides relentless sabotage such as being unable to get internet access for my business because my address had disappeared from the address databases):

• “You were sexually abused as a child.”
• “You have dissociative identity disorder. Multiple personalities.” They tried to convince my brain of that. They tried to drive me around the bend.
• “You aren’t a scientist, you are just someone who promised herself that she was going to save the world later when you were a child.”
• “You are a loser. Everyone thinks you are a loser.” “Nobody likes you.”
• “Poor thing, you are never going to realize your potential.”
• Many years later: “Oh, you actually are a scientist. Sorry.” They then tried to push me back into science. (That’s not how this works.)
• “You are severely autistic.” “You have ADHD.” “You are a narcissist.” Yadda yadda yadda. Yadda.

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In the course of 2023, I received a hint that it is a collective of people who were (sexually) abused as children who are targeting me. I think that that was just another manipulation attempt. If it’s not, if it’s real, then they possibly think that they are “helping” others of who they have convinced themselves that they too were (sexually) abused as children. In that case, then these people urgently need psychiatric help.

I’ve previously described this experience as having someone else’s clingfilm being wrapped around the throat of my life and also as a bunch of hippos that park their butts on your life, making sure that you can no longer do a thing. It’s often really been a nightmare. There have also been moments when I just had to laugh; it’s not been all bad, but that’s a manipulation technique, isn’t it?

In this video below, I essentially explain WHY it became impossible for me to support myself after I moved to Portsmouth. The hacking interference was not even always at all relatively innocent pranking, but that is beside the point. Also beside the point is the fact that I had intended to start doing different things after my move to Portsmouth, change direction, professionally. Unfortunately, I was never allowed to live in Portsmouth in any way, including support myself there, so I did whatever I still could.

A big problem is that most people, not even cops and university physics professors and such, understand what hacking is. At best, they confuse it with phishing attempts, or with needing to block someone on Facebook or change your Yahoo password. There are even people who believe that it’s impossible for hacking to cross international borders.

That these types of people don’t understand that you can’t support yourself if you’re being hacked as in “sabotaged”, when your locks are constantly getting picked and your equipment and digital connections messed with (and/or if you haven’t been able yet to replace your hacked-to-smithereens equipment), that’s fully on them. So many of my phones got blown up (overheating) by the hacking that I lost count.

I am no longer in Portsmouth but I haven’t been able to replace my phones. They got hacked in Portsmouth. Hacking doesn’t stop at international borders, even though that’s what some people think. But apart from that, he / they / it followed me a few times.

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This continues to go on and on and on and on. On the evening of 28 May 2024 and the morning of 29 May 2024, for example, I was connected to a server in IRELAND. In the morning of 29 May 2024, I briefly lost my internet connection, after which I was suddenly connected to a server in the Netherlands again. Shortly after, I made a payment of EUR 53.43 that has not left my bank account. What I expect is that I am intended to forget about it, only to find that it suddenly has left my account after all, one or two weeks from now. (This kind of stuff has happened before and this is what makes me suspect definite 4chan involvement, unless I am logging into a faked interface, which I can’t rule out, because I have often been on mirrors in the past 16 years, for example, making me believe that I needed to go to Brighton for something that I could have done in Portsmouth, to give someone ample time to pick the locks and do god knows what in my flat in Southsea.)

19 May 2024:

• Been out of town a few times in the past two months and on each occasion, there was “stuff”, the kind of “stuff” that I used to get inundated with in Portsmouth. I’ve sometimes referred to the stuff as “circuses”. (There hasn’t been any obvious IRL stuff here locally since that guy with the flashlight last year, but I did get for example a letter that first had the wrong date in it, followed up by a letter that had the wrong address in it. That sort of stuff can also be part of the “stuff”.)
• When I noticed that I’d suddenly lost access to my profile on a specific website, I closed the account, because I could still do that. (Remember that I also lost access to the KOBO and eBay websites recently and that there was something odd going on with my KDP account too for a while.)
• There is another (finance-related) website for which I suddenly no longer need to log in, though the password is not stored in the browser and logging in requires the use of an authenticator code for which the authenticator has a password – also not stored – and is on a phone that has no SIM card and is almost always in flight-secure mode. (This has happened before. In Portsmouth, I would sometimes still be logged into bank accounts after having had to throw the power off my freezing computer and going through my computer logins to get back into the computer.)
• There appear to have been attempts to push me into something and if so then I’ve just realized why that is probably so. It apparently would have me travel all over the country and that would mean that I could be targeted with “stuff” without anyone else noticing as it would be happening in different places. Unfortunately, it could also be so that the obviously required communications could get messed with and I would show up in the wrong place repeatedly.
• Two new accounts that are not related to other accounts now pop up under the two interfaces for different accounts to which they are not related and that use different registration email addresses. Maybe there is a genuine explanation for this, but I haven’t found it yet.
• I still get deliberately spoofed emails; I am pretty sure that among other things he uses spamming software to do that. What he often seems to do is send one clearly spoofed email after several genuine emails; this forces you to start wondering about the authenticity of the other emails.
• By the way, already in Portsmouth, I noticed that I seemed to get referred to as a laboratory beagle at times.
• A week ago, I sent a certified registered letter that had my contact details in it: on Friday, I received an email response with the scanned letter and the digital label as attachment, but I received it at a different email address and particularly the subject heading and also the content were openly mocking me. (Receiving very specific emails from parties at addresses on which I had never before interacted with them and who had no way of knowing about these other addresses happened quite a few times while I was still in Portsmouth.) In this case, this other party is aware of the existence of the other email address, but it is one that I sometimes don’t check for months because I don’t really use it for communicating any longer. I’ve briefly used it to communicate with clients in the past when I could no longer use my regular business email.

2 May 2024: Interference throughout the day. I’m also starting to suspect that court documents have disappeared. I’m going to verify that. If so, yes, this would definitely be 4chan who’s targeting me. (Never mind; this would force me to focus on things that I don’t need to focus on.) My GoFundMe campaign had a donation of 160 euros today from someone who I hadn’t informed about the campaign, toward an appointment that I was supposed to have tomorrow but have already cancelled. The payment setting is daily but it’s not due to be paid out until 10 May. (I’d previously noticed that an email that I know I had sent about this campaign was sitting in my draft box. Does this mean that he used this to send the email to someone else or did he make the donation and use someone else’s email address? He has done the latter before. I’m not sure how he pulls this off. It seems to be possible by using PayPal.) PS The donation arrived in my account the next day; whether it would have been in time to pay at the now cancelled appointment, I don’t know.

30 April 2024: All sorts of distracting nonsense throughout the day
Some of the “nonsense” is helpful but a lot of it is just confusing and scary, because it’s often intended as some kind of alert.

Sometimes this is about really mundane things, yet he still manages to freak me out because of the panic or concern experienced on the side of the person who is doing this. One time, his panic made me so nervous – what might it be about? – that I ended up refilling my ink cartridges incorrectly and had to go spend money on new cartridges. (He had freaked out about something that I had already taken care of, as it turned out, namely ironically enough, the money I was forced to spend on an important project… which included a lot of printing.)

You can’t unsee something that you wish wasn’t there or you wish you had not seen. It starts reverberating. “What does he mean? What is he going on about?” He knows what he is going on about; I don’t. Today, he changed the background images on my computer in a way that seems to signify “you are going to be destroyed”, though I first thought that it meant “we’ve got you covered”.

A little earlier, when I was writing something in Word, he selected “envelope” for me; I thought “oh, he feels that this is good enough to be sent out now” but in combination with the “going to be crushed” images, I started thinking “maybe he means that an envelope with bad news is on the way to me” but then again, the two images he showed can also be seen as bridge-building. How can I know what is in his mind? I don’t know this guy, do I?

I think – but am not sure – that he later also signaled that I should seek legal advice. So I just REALLY want this to stop, because this is often nerve-wrecking and not helpful in any way. Maybe all it is is merely manipulative. Maybe it does not actually refer to any information that he as a hacker has access to. (He often tries to isolate me, too, after all.)

He did this stuff in Portsmouth too – where he did have access to knowledge about mail sent to me etc – and this nonsense can really take over your life before you know it. He also sometimes pitches you against other people, suggests that certain people have it in for you or just don’t care. It’s very hard to ignore, certainly when it concerns people you don’t know.

So, in the end, at a quarter to 6, I decided to go check my postal mail because mulling over today’s crap on computer was really getting me freaked out. It is so immensely nerve-wrecking.

(It’s like having a toddler in your equipment, at times.)

(So, yeah, I have gotten some letters, and there are hints of bridge-building, but here is another thing… it’s not unthinkable that HE has generated them in another party’ computer systems. He has done this many times before, occasionally even signing letters with “loveit”. Yeah, he loves it. IT. If he has indeed done that, it could be fueled by naivety but it could also be malice and on the basis of my experiences in the past 16 years, I’d expect that it’s the latter. Usually, he’s just trying to set me up.)

26 April 2024, later: yes, at it a few times, both on my computer and on tablet

26 April 2024, 16:14: I also later found my tablet switched off (and fully charged).

26 April 2024, 8:18: One or two switches in my computer flipped audibly (two loud clicks) after I had heard the HDD rattle for quite a while, which then stopped. I am not aware of any physical switches that can be flipped remotely in a computer. That said, hardware-hacking is his forte. Okay, that must have been the computer’s own speaker, then, somehow. That certainly can be done remotely. (He sometimes does things like this to make me believe that he’s gone, though.) I have no explanation for the clicks that does not involve hacking activity.

26 April 2024: The past few days have made clear that I am still being targeted relentlessly. Just like in Portsmouth, I am also getting increasingly unwell again, but it’s worse now. In Portsmouth, I wondered if my tormentor(s) had added anything to my tap water as they’d messed with the water pipes several times, but no, it was chronic inflammation and all that from chronic extreme stress (as well as malnutrition). Your digestive system starts shutting down among other things under prolonged high stress levels. I hope I can break this development, but I have terrible headaches, now also often an aching abdomen, my whole body often aches and my fluid metabolism is off. My skin is so so so dry and I feel parched all the time. I wish I were dead. I so badly wanted this nightmare over. (It’s very double as there is not really anyone else left in my life, but the person in question does not quite want to be friends.) I have made five desperate escape attempts from Portsmouth and each one of them has failed. This thing is relentless and it’s been trying to suffocate me to death for so long now. After my fifth escape attempt, my health became much better for a while and I was able to rebuild muscle mass. (You don’t want to know what went on in my life, while I was stuck in Portsmouth.) Now it seems to be going downhill again, but I am hoping that it really was only triggered by the hot cocoa of which I enjoyed too much lately as it turned out to be 50% sugar, which makes it pretty toxic and could just have knocked my metabolism out of whack big time this time, in combination with the persistent stress. I need this nightmare to be over. I want my life back. I want these flying monkeys and the monkey masters gone from my life. I now feel that I should have stayed in Portsmouth and should not have tried to escape. At least the weather was good there, I could go for example go for walks there to unwind and I wasn’t constantly plagued by sinus issues there. I’d forgotten the level of havoc the Dutch weather and its pressure fluctuations can cause in sinuses. Then again, the level of abuse that came from random people in Portsmouth was horrific and my locks were getting picked constantly which caused so much stress. (Throughout life, you always tend to remember the things that were good more than the things that were bad. This is what makes people sometimes sound like they are complaining all the time when they aren’t.) I need to keep fighting, but what for? Everything that held value to me is gone, isn’t it? It feels like all the joy has been driven from my life. Maybe that is because I now associate fear and powerlessness with many things that I used to enjoy. (I have to stop ruminating but how can I? It’s not actually ruminating, is it? I’m going to flip a switch in my brain, though, so that I can feel less powerless.)

The impression I get – on the basis of observations – is that he is still predominantly trying to mess with my mind, trying to get me to “self-destruct”. (He has this “steam effect” approach. I am not going to explain other than say that he likes the idea of controlling people as if they are puppets. One of the many things he wrote to me was “I would have to study you and then I might not let you go.” and “There is nothing quite like anticipation.” He likes creating positive expectations and then smashing them cruelly, often in a “positive – positive – NEGATIVE” pattern. That is actually probably one of the least destructive tricks he has up his sleeve.)

This person(s) still cannot be open about what is going on, still cannot communicate openly with me about this, and nobody in Portsmouth was willing to acknowledge ever even having heard of the name, except the police. Those are very bad signs.

22 April 2024: I am typing a word that starts with “lee” and as soon as I have typed these three letters, a Microsoft UK news window moves into view. (Lee is how the hacker who lives in Winchester Road introduced himself to me in 2011. I’d first encountered him at the door of my small apartment building in Southampton in 2008. I stealthily snapped a photo of him on 8 September 2011.)

15 April 2024: Turns out that there can be a second user on my Dutch banking app. Maybe that explains something… (Also, I seem to keep getting mails announcing and mails with link corrections for the previous mail from Hank G. about Steve Goodman’s talk. It’s a little funny, but maybe fully coincidental.)

14 April 2024: A few days ago, I found that 10 to 20 files had disappeared from two USB sticks. It’s my own fault, for leaving them plugged in. I really should know better. Anyway, it didn’t matter.

10 April 2024: Has been at it again all afternoon and evening. Until 9pm, when my connection cut out (no more data). In the afternoon, he shut down Firefox a few times, among other things. In the evening, he opened another program a few times, among other things. But he opened it behind the other programs, somehow. I don’t know how he did that. He used to do this sort of stuff in Portsmouth too.

Two days ago, there was a lot of hammering most of the day and he popped up “LUISTEREN” (listen). There was sawing in the evening. There’s (relatively) often hammering just after 7 in the morning. When I post anything here, he sometimes pops up keywords, usually something with “love” and “god”.

This evening, when I wanted to make a small payment that I needed to make before the 18th, that suddenly got wiped out. In September, when I had promised to make a certain payment before a certain date, and had entered it, I found that it had been moved a few days.

Today, I also found that two files I had been working on, were now pretty garbled. Yikes. (Yep, that too happened a lot when I was still in Portsmouth.) The phones had been really hot again for a few days, particularly the phone attached to my computer. Was he busy messing up my files when the phone was so hot or what? When the connection then cut out this evening, I thought “sod it, I’ve had enough, at least for now”. Last week, I saw that one of my older book files now had the header “Is cruelty cool?” on the last page.

In Portsmouth, he sometimes turned on my computer in the middle of the night when I was asleep. One time, when I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, I discovered that. I was able to put a stop to it. But he completely controlled all my equipment and nobody wanted to believe it. So frustrating. I was so powerless.

2 April 2024: Has been at it again all morning. And it’s not even 9am yet. (I was up at about 6.) Yes, something’s boosted his confidence. He feels invincible. Also, notably when I talk about the fact that he has narcissistic personality disorder with antisocial personality disorder, it probably causes that “narcissistic injury”. He then can get really angry with me and lets me know about it. At around 8:39, he got really angry with me. He blew off steam at me until about 8:50. (I assume that this is because of what I wrote at the top of what’s currently the home page, this morning.) (9 April: I later deleted that. I don’t like talking about this stuff – understatement – but if I don’t, how are other people ever going to know what is going on and potentially start supporting me?

That said, two of my currently three plugged-in USB sticks are hot again; I wasn’t using them. I presume he’s either been getting files off them or dumping files on them. I can’t rule out that the effect of that data traffic made it all sound like an outburst of anger. (These are all things he’s done before, on different computers.) My phone – tethering – is also currently warmer than it should be; I am doing less than usual, however, trying to save on data. The past few days, my other phone and my tablet were getting warm again a few times. I also lost my internet connection on them, a few times, as well as on the computer. (On the tablet, I found myself connected to a local wifi hotspot. This also happened a lot about half a year ago.) (He either constantly shows a small popup for “disconnected” or for “reconnected”, rarely or never both.)

In the past, at my previous location, I’ve found lots of gaming videos on a phone, and videos of thighs (crotches) filling up a system directory on my computer so that the operating system no longer had enough space to run. At the address before that, I found files uploaded into my business site hosting (at Protagonist, which is in the Netherlands; UK police never got in touch with them or with any other companies that I used for my business or for myself as a private person). Remember that he’s also been picking my door locks since at least 2010.

He can also make a system THINK that a storage medium is running out of space, however.

31 March 2024: He was at it again all day. Something boosted his confidence, about a week ago, or is it just his usual “I’m God, the Lord” shenanigans again because of Easter?

30 March 2024: When I set a video from “private” to “public” this morning, I found it set to “private” again, twice. that video is an introduction to a course I’ve relaunched. He always definitely tries to stop anything that includes references to the kind of stuff that he’s up to and into, always stops me from dozing any marketing for books, sending emails, what have you.

28 March 2024: Easter is coming up, so “the Lord” has been at it all day. On my computer. (not on the tablet, which uses a different internet connection)

27 March 2024: I’m still waiting to hear back from someone – a stranger – who I have reached out to three times now, using the person’s business contact details as it concerns the person’s business.

26 March 2024: I found that text on the home page had been changed again. Sentences get moved around and some deleted, so that what I typed starts sounding a bit warped. (yes, I’m so delusional)

26 March 2024: two emails on my tablet had been accessed (marked read, but they had not yet been accessed by me). They arrived after a different email that had been on my screen because I wanted to remind myself to reply to it, so I wanted it to be on my screen when I picked up my phone.

25 March 2024, 15:15: I just came home from an appointment, wanted to do a few things and ALL my equipment froze, on two different internet connections. Had to throw the power off again.

25 March 2024: Another one of those strange gang-stalking comments was just left (by an account that first left a comment on the same video two years ago). A second comment was left today as well, by that account. See below. These aren’t the only gang-stalking comments that I have had.

24 March 2024: internet access has been much slower, or rather – different – for about, hmm, a week, two weeks, three weeks, something like that. (Probably an attempt to make me believe that he’s gone and that he had been speeding up my internet access because I was accessing the internet via his equipment. He’s done it before.)

There’ve been a few other things, too.

24 March 2024: Couldn’t get into my secondary gmail account this morning.

23 March 2024: Also, as before, particularly in Portsmouth, continued messing with MT5. It’s the same theme as with everything else that has been happening since June 2008, stopping me from whatever it is that I am trying to accomplish or just pranking around such as making my browser shut down with the sound of a close when I open the program. There were updates again today; I hope that it means that the tampering has been undone again.

17 March 2024: Yesterday evening, while I was pasting text into files on my computer (connection 2; 1 SIM), the pulldown “paste as” menu changed from having 2 options to about 7 options, including images. It would have seemed nothing unusual, except that something similar later started happening on my tablet (connection 1; 2 SIMs). 7 to 9 options, instead of 2. Still , this was likely some kind of coincidence. The tablet also seemed to keep freezing, though, so I shut it down and went to bed.

16 March 2024: I couldn’t access only this site a few times while I was online. It’s happened a few times before here. It’s possible that this means that content on this site got altered again. That’s happened so many times before. It’s usually done to remove information about things that were done to me.

16 March 2024: I wake up to very different YouTube suggestions, relative to what I saw yesterday evening, including many about orchids. And my computer says it has an update. After the update, I have regained the gigs that I lost during the week. I’ve also noticed that I am getting lots of ads about watches again. This has happened before, along with random people in Portsmouth constantly asking me for the time. Some kind of urban slang attached to it again?

15 March 2024: I forgot to add that he’s also apparently doing something that he also used to do in Portsmouth all the time, namely making my computer believe that it (or the USB stick from which I was running a portable OS to get around his interference, for a while) is running out of space. I currently only have a small HD but a small HD that is OK does not run out of several gigs of space every few days, just like that, without a good reason. (What he is effectively after is breaking my brain, by the way. My entire life has increasingly revolved completely around this nonsense for nearly sixteen years, which is sheer unbelievable, and on top of that I was leading a complete zombie life and subjected to a lot of abuse from other people as well. It rewires your brain, and you have to be very conscious of that and do your best to fight it.) Anyway, it happened again at around 17:40 his time. Happened a few days ago, too and that was just after it had happened when I freed a lot of space. Yeah, his forte is hardware-hacking. (The other two forms of hacking are people-hacking aka social engineering and software-hacking.) (That said, I’ve also actually found gaming files piling into one of my phones and videos of bare thighs into a deep system directory on my computer, but he also has the ability to trick a system into thinking that it is running out of space when it isn’t.)

15 March 2024: He was on the connection or in my phone again too this morning. (Also just like in Portsmouth, he still sometimes sets me up to look like a fool. I don’t talk about that at the moment. In Portsmouth, it was usually be about things that were not or were online, while they showed up as the reverse on my computer. I’ve even sometimes seen a difference between what I saw when I looked on my computer versus when I looked at the same thing on my phone. I was stupid enough to mention that, back in Portsmouth.) (mirrors)

14 March 2024: no email in the morning, at my main Gmail address

13 March 2024: no email in the morning at my main Gmail address

13 March 2024: interference on my tablet while I am updating my Udemy instructor profile. That interference does not always need to be IN my tablet (client-side). It depends on the type of interference.

In Portsmouth, if the interference got out of hand again, I’d shut down all my equipment and just shuffle around town, moping, powerless and so utterly depressed for days – making some people conclude that I had some kind of mental illness – because you can’t do a damn thing anyway if someone is constantly messing with anything you do all the time (constant rebooting of equipment etc included). Remember that they were picking my locks and I had almost no income, so there wasn’t a thing I could do about anything.

13 March 2024: finding another password changed (Thinkific)

13 March 2024: finding my Udemy instructor profile having been messed with. Lots of question marks had been inserted. It’s been messed with before. This time, I initially didn’t check the profile word for word but just deleted the blocks with the question marks. I later checked and found that the other information had been interfered with too. (Last time, it was much worse.) (Also, an old course that I took offline years ago because it was outdated, had been put online again, at one point.) I am so sick of this abuse. This bullshit began in JUNE 2008! It needs to stop! There is so much hate contempt behind this. I can’t tell you how that makes me feel. (It continues to make it impossible for me to work with others, of course. That’s part of the why.)

12 March 2024: interference in MT5 (I suspect that I am on a VPS that rotates to a different server every two hours, also because I sometimes appear to have brand-new or different instances of MT5). YouTube sometimes gives me that impression too.

11 March 2024: fake email from Google that turns out to refer to pestering of a close relative, namely my youngest sister’s business. (creepy!) Looks like hackers have been leaving fake negative Google reviews. I don’t know if they’ve done other stuff to her.

11 March 2024: email from Dutch dentist where I had first tried to register in vain and had meanwhile left but apparently was eventually registered after all, now inviting me for a checkup. Could be a coincidence, just a silly IT hiccup, and probably is, but this is part of a pattern that started in Portsmouth a long time ago, never getting replies or getting unusual replies to emails, from Donald Duck-like gmail accounts, and then later sometimes getting a sudden invitation. I’ve often had emails there that had been delayed big time. In one case, it was so many years late that the provider it was sent through didn’t even exist any longer at that point.

8 March 2024: interference on the AM site. There is also often interference on the T212 site. I can’t tell whether it’s always client-side.

I have autoresponders on the two gmail addresses that I use for correspondence because too much of my incoming and outgoing email still seems to get lost etc. I occasionally get the impression that my hacker is trying to persuade me to stop doing that. I had deactivated them once or twice but I realized that I really should keep them active.

Ads that I block in my Google account keep coming back, so now instead of blocking them, I like them and ask for more ads on that topic, such as football, kids’ things and hearing aids. That’s probably just Google, though. They are usually from advertisers whose identity hasn’t been verified by Google yet and often for very different topics than they claim to be about (category). That’s probably just Google. There are many ads with fake Elon Musks etc too, after all.

• Exchanging my driver’s license was supposed to take 2-4 weeks. Took months. But that was due to two mistakes, one made by the clerk, which was odd, but not spotted by me and one made by me. Meant I had to withdraw an application for a (temporary ) job, though.
• Temp agency staff not emailing back and not willing to make an appointment. This concerned a (temporary) vacancy in Amsterdam, by an Amsterdam-specific organization, that was being dealt with by a temp agency about 20 kilometers away from Amsterdam. (?) I eventually called one of them after he sent me an email and left voicemail asking me to call but who then became so abusive or unreasonal that I hung up. Who did I really speak with?
• Postal mail was interfered with and later also a print queue in relation to this.
• Someone e-mailed me a tip for a nonexistent but relatively exciting job vacancy after I had emailed that person. Not someone I know, but the manager of an organization, who I had identified online. (It’s someone whose name happens to be a combination of two first names, I should add.)
• A few women called me “helpfully” but their voices all sounded strangely similar and they kept talking for 5 to 15 minutes. From a busy call center? Probably a coincidence, though.
• After I posted a video about politics in the Netherlands, an English recruitment agency contacted me about a job but didn’t reply to my emails.
• My Specsavers results were supposed to take 2 weeks, but took 2 months. Meant I had to postpone a job application. In the meantime, a computer update made my left screen blow up to very high magnification. I had to undo the update. (I’ve highlighted this, because a large chunk of text disappeared the other day while I was editing and I noticed that it included this specific bit.)
• Eye hospital appointment was supposed to take 60 days. Now “unknown” but longer. Okay, this happens.
• Hiccups in dentist and GP and pharmacy registrations. Only GP registration hiccup was suspect, though.
• Waiting list for dentist was supposed to be 4 to 5 weeks, now apparently more than 10. (Update: this was genuine.)
• Ombudsman wrote to me, then wrote to me again and 3 weeks became 3 months or so.
• Am still occasionally getting told by people that they are not receiving my emails or that they sent me email that I didn’t receive.
• Am currently (when I started creating this post) getting pestered with emails by various staff for example at change.org.
• Received an email saying that I deserved hate mail, on 7 September.
• When I call a now definitely former friend on 28 Feb, she instantly starts shouting at me incoherently for something bad or very hurtful that I am supposed to have done to her, but I haven’t done anything. It’s something very very recent that I am supposed to have done, as far as I can tell. In the past ten to fourteen days or so. (Are they now attacking people who know me because they can no longer attack animals to spite me?) (It’s of course possible that the woman in question has developed a mental health problem that I don’t know about. If not, then something awful must have happened on or after 23 February that I am supposed to have done, but that wasn’t done by me.)
• Am missing emails from my health insurance and when I log in, what’s supposed to be there isn’t always there.
• My Kobo publishing account disappeared. Then my eBay account disappeared. (I have three packages of 30 contact lenses that I am no longer using because my prescription has changed so I put them up for sale.)
• Amazon KDP was emailing me back – … wait for it – instantly, about stuff that was going wrong in my account and made no sense. It felt like I was being taunted again.
• I keep getting weird and sometimes quite creepy comments online (and sometimes seemingly almost no genuine ones). Sometimes from characters that later change their name and photo and gender and, among other things, those comments are about gang-stalking.
• I feel immensely hated. (Actually, I do my best not to let all this stuff get to me, but I don’t always succeed.) This began in June 2008 when I met someone with which I had an appointment after which I started receiving soooooo much hate, became subjected to sooooooo much abuse , sabotage, emotional manipulation and sadism and began to get swatted and my passwords were often changed, and logins disabled, local people told bizarre shit about me, contact details changed, numbers such as of bank accounts changed, postal mail got interfered with (among other things by immediate downstairs neighbor who I caught one day), bucket emptied over me, my own phone line telling me that I was at death’s door, lock-picking, vandalism, theft, animal cruelty, bizarre nonsensical stuff, often being unable to reach people, too, including medical practices etc, and I was pestered with hate almost anywhere I went in that town, no matter what I did, all the time, and another Dutch friend was suddenly utterly terrified of me. It went on relentlessly. Hate hate hate hate hate and more hate and abuse. I got so sick of it. (I’d already had years of otherization when that began and was intending to leave because I’d already had enough. Then I stupidly moved to Portsmouth and after I did, they simply destroyed me. They still haven’t let go. They still have their tentacles of cling film wrapped around the throat of my life. It started with the one guy, but it’s logistically impossible for the relentless abuse all to have been done by him.)
• Etc etc etc.

So much relentless hate.

Most people have no idea what 4chan etc is in real life. The public romanticizes these anonymous groups but there’s nothing romantic about them. They are fueled by nothing but hate and dimwittedness, and an immense urge to cause pain and havoc.

Well, what do you know, there’s been another one… (There’s been one since, too, with Saint Georges cross as profile pic.) This was posted at about 1am, as it’s 5am right now. I instantly deleted this, of course. It’s a video about a great umbrella but the comment actually refers to a video in which I talk about how they wiped out a grant proposal of the University of Twente (Suzanne Hulscher’s group) on my 60th birthday. (There’s been a lot of hate contempt specifically to do with my age since then. Of course, the effects of the stress and malnutrition and poverty on what I look like never are mentioned.)

Oh, shit, something slightly unusual popped up on the site of the Guardian and I sent them something from a file. Initially, that file wouldn’t open, and that’s usually a sign of interference, and I didn’t check word for word what was in it. I think it was okay. (But was it? Oh well, we’ll find out.)

---

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Also, this morning, the Guardian said that I had read 8 articles this year. Yeah, right.

9am My computer fan is being geared up again, one of my phones is hot (and I’m getting higher than usual data use warnings again on my other phone but I think those are actually okay). When the fan gears up, I should shut down my computer and stop doing whatever it is that I am doing because it affects me too much. This “I can get to you wherever you are” is now so creepy. It happened all the time when I was in Portsmouth. (He thinks he’s being helpful when he does that at the start of a up/down rally but he’s just creeping me out big time, so much that it makes me dysfunctional in that moment. He has no idea, apparently, how much he scares me, whoever exactly it is who does that. It’s so so creepy and disruptive and abusive. In Portsmouth, I threatened to blow up my account on purpose if he wouldn’t stop that crap. It’s so abusive and so destructive. I. Portsmouth, that cost me a little over £500, in 2022, that is. He’s so abusive, so disruptive. I think that he thinks he’s being helpful when he does that specific shit but he’s not. He, they, it, whatever. But it’s a stupid Jekyll and Hyde game, too.)

And the word “campaign” in the title had been changed into “campsign”. It said “campaign”. I know that for a fact because I had changed it from something else

9:20 – 9:22 – 9: 24 rutting around in my computer

The weather is (far too often) extremely depressing, I am in an uninspiring environment and I can’t even read books any longer. (The same type of hateful otherizing shit that happened in Portsmouth has started to gear up here now too, of course, btw. “You senile, you learning-disabled.” The world is awash in hate, at the moment. Many people are struggling with that.)

I should have killed myself at the end of 2015. Because after that, the abuse and sabotage got worse and worse and worse and worse.

And (some) people keep telling me to lay down and die, basically. Hell no.

No.

Man, how I hate hackers. I hate them, hate them, hate them. They’re such vile scum.

In Portsmouth, all incoming letters used to come from a Steve, Steven or Stephen for some time. Later, it changed to Julie.

I became showered with so much relentless hate after I moved to Portsmouth. So much hate. And more hate and more hate and more hate. So much blind hate from people who didn’t know me and had no idea who I was, what my name was, where I was from, what my professional background was, nothing. They knew nothing about me yet inundated me with hate.

The hate in itself wasn’t the problem. The relentless sabotage of just about everything that I undertook was.

I sacrificed so much to escape from my little prison in Portsmouth but almost nothing has changed. Locals aren’t hunting me down, but apart from that, I’m basically just as powerless. And he’s in full CYA mode now. Anything to make me look like a delusional old cow so that he won’t get caught. He, they, it, whatever.

(I probably shouldn’t forget that they also now have a valid copy of my British driving license, several copies of British bank cards, and all the documentation I was asked to upload for that so elaborately faked medical project in the US.)