However, the situation in Portsmouth was completely unacceptable for me. I couldn’t live there, could not breathe there because of forces at work there.
That is completely independent of what exactly was (is) behind it.
Nah, I hadn’t lost the plot. I badly needed out and I did my best to place myself in the best situation for it.
I didn’t want to have to keep fighting back any longer. I didn’t want to fight back any longer.
I’d totally had it with Portsmouth’s perpetual guerrilla wars and I think I wanted a thoroughly clean start, with very little still around me to tie me to the place or perhaps rather to force me to start over in a different area, professionally. This is an area that I had been exploring for a while and really enjoy.
Some occupations are heavily tied to earthly possessions. A few aren’t.
I’ll probably remain a highly guarded and somewhat prickly person for the rest of my life.
What went in Portsmouth shocked me deeply. The hate behind it, the utter contempt with which I was bombarded so often wore me down. All that ugly senseless negativity from folks who did not even know me, the endless misogyny and the rest of it, it ate away at me and corroded my soul over the years. I did not like the way it changed me and it even made me stop liking myself.
Very scary stuff goes on in Portsmouth. Too much of it.