I went to Argos for a new phone. It arrived at the counter so quickly that it may have been waiting behind it. But it was ridiculously quiet in the store. Mine was the only order.

I think the other phone may have gotten taken out of action when a genuine system update interfered with hacking modifications. It may not purposefully have been stopped from doing data.

Hacking is often visible without hackers realizing it. I would see my very first smartphone – bought after I moved to Portsmouth – sometimes light up all by itself. I kept that to myself, just like I’ve kept other signs of interference to myself. I would simply go into a different room or put the phone in a drawer or closet if I wanted privacy, or under a pillow. Hackers don’t realize that they are not sitting behind the equipment that they’re hacking into. Browser window size differences can show up too, for example.

Here is an example of what would often happen on my two “old” phones (bought fairly recently). My phone (and the tethered computer) wants to log into a network. I don’t think that that’s as it should be. On the phone, it shows a symbol, at the top left, for this “network”.

I threw away the blocked GiffGaff card that had been asking for a PUK code. Its credit had expired by now and the message I got from the GiffGaff agent oddly enough had nothing to do with why I contacted them. (The message was in response to me having claimed that someone else logged into and misused my account, so I understand. I never said that.) I used that card only for a few weeks.

The Dutch SIM card now looks as if it may be functional again; it is no longer asking for a PUK code. I haven’t tried to log in into that account online again yet. (Am a little tired of always having to deal with this kind of stuff.)

The Willem reference keeps puzzling me (“Willem” “policing” and “tentacles” in my search window when I wanted to search for “Portsmouth” on the BBC weather site). My paternal grandfather’s name was Willem. I don’t know much about him other than that I don’t think he was a pleasant man. He died a long time ago. 1960s. I know another Willem via KNCV. I haven’t spoken with him in nearly two decades (2004) and haven’t interacted with him in years. (Since 2008, maybe; I remember he made a joke about “Engeland” being a “England” and he mentioned that it was likely relatively easy to move to villages in Groningen. I was trying to move out of England again back then but also still looking for a new place in England.) There later was a time when I used to go to his business website off and on, but the site was in a state of setup, of design, for years. It was static, nothing changed, and it looked like he had given up on the business and was now employed again. After a while, I stopped looking.

Someone has access to one of my other accounts, one that requires an authenticator code. I no longer have to log in all the time now – which is handy – and the open tab appeared on my screen all by itself two days ago.

I received two e-mails yesterday about some herbal meds – Yay PubMed, and yes, yay, thanks – not being in stock. Why two (and why no response yet to my question as to when they think it will be in stock again)? I also received eight copies of the same e-mail at a different address in November. I am trying to address a small chronic subdural hematoma (CSH or CSDH) that’s flaring up a little after having been quiet for a year. Because that is what it seems to be. It resulted after I hit my head repeatedly (during a solo litter pick about 15 to 18 months ago) against the curved railing at the northern end of Eastern Road, at the bridge over the creek. That turned out to be near-impossible to avoid. The last time I hit my head (3rd or 4th), it hurt so badly that it really scared me and I stood still for a while. I was fine after that (and moved away from the damn railing and even chatted with some weird character who approached me shortly after). A few weeks later, the hematoma revealed itself, caused symptoms for about a week (though the tinnitus took much longer to disappear, which was on both sides then), slowly quieting down. I also had a small cardiac event on 13 Dec 2022. (Factors? Not enough exercise, coughing a heck of a lot, standing at my standing desk non-stop at the time, and a cold snap in the weather.) Likely a so-called coronary artery spasm. That was very unpleasant when it happened. (What it felt like? It was awful. I was sure I was having a heart attack. It felt very life-threatening and I didn’t dare move. I just waited for it to stop. It happened in the afternoon, at around 2pm. My heart rate wasn’t doing weird shit, however. It was occasionally little fluttery for a day or so afterward, and I took it slow, paying attention to what my body told me, but my heart rate wasn’t doing really crazy things. I suspect, however, that it caused a wave of low BP and high BP through my body, and activated that hematoma. I’m sure that I have hit my head more recently too but not in a way that stood out.) I am addressing that too (and won’t be driving any cars for a while, obviously), because that’s my body telling me sternly that things really need to change, but the hematoma concerns me more. Thankfully, both basically require the same remedies. I am keeping an eye on my pulse. I know very well how my heart ticks so I can tell when something is off. I started running in primary school and have always been very active – bodies weren’t made for sitting or standing at a desk all day – and after I was a little too inactive for a while after my teens, I developed ventricular extrasystoles (lots of them). That’s usually basically a sign of a strong heart that has far too little to do. In fact, when it was discovered when I was exploring sinus and allergy issues, the doctors initially thought I had a slightly enlarged heart – athlete’s heart? – and did X-rays. As a result of all that, I developed a habit of checking my pulse and I know very well what my pulse is like, how it behaves. (It’s still not unusual for me to have a pulse in rest that is slightly under 60.) My body is likely a bit like a race horse’s; I am totally not the passive paper pusher type. I just looked into the herb that I ordered to make tea of; it is used in Chinese medicine to treat CSH. It is also good for heart health, lowers BP (mine’s been up a little, probably since the pandemic started and I became far too stationery, though was still fine when last taken) and addresses anxiety as well, so it sounds like it’s perfect. Its taste is bitter and likely not very good at all. Things that taste bitter have a tendency to be good for heart health, according to a saying that my grandmother used to quote and she made it past 90. 🙂 I won’t overdo it, with this herb. I won’t take any other herbs while I drink that tea. (I sometimes take a hops, valerian root and passiflora herbal remedy.) Longest-lasting symptom of the CSH flare-up will be (one-sided) tinnitus, not related to my pulse. When that is gone again, I’ll be happy. That may take a while, because it was the longest-lasting effect last time (i.e. , the first time). More importantly, I don’t want this thing to flare up again. So I am avoiding all alcohol, want to keep my BP low and I want any clotting remnants that may be sitting there to be resorbed. The latter is what the herb tea apparently would be especially good for but improving my overall cardio/resp health will help a lot too. (I may also occasionally stop typing here for a while because the required eye hand coordination can be physically taxing for the brain and can cause it to expand slightly, I was once told.) That said, I’m already doing a lot better than a few weeks ago. I’ll be fine. (Update: I let go of the herbal tea. I was looking for Leonurus heterophyllus Sweet, btw, also called Leonurus japonicus.) Yes, I am very good at managing my own health, which is very fortunate. However, I cannot control all external factors.

This is why I really need the lock-picking etc to stop. Because the stress and powerlessness it causes is not good for me. Whoever has been doing this is not simply unaware of other people’s boundaries but violates them on purpose. (I put up visual reminders that the person is crossing a boundary, but it gets ignored.) I know it’s a multifaceted story, but it’s not one in which I have had much of a say. A CSH can be a little hard to deal with on its own at times; it usually forces me to concentrate very consciously and makes it a little harder to multitask, at times. At the moment, I do not need more distractions, please. Thanks.

I’ll be fine. No worries.

At the moment, I sometimes have a bad headache. That makes me cranky. I currently try to avoid painkillers (after initially thinking that low dosage aspirin might be good), but the headache responds very well to ibuprofen and is probably a mere tension headache. I often feel physically tense, too. Sometimes, my walking ability is a little affected by the hematoma. I also am reminding myself to pace myself when I feel fine because when I don’t, I sometimes run out of steam later, but I also sometimes initially feel tired and then actually start feeling better after I’ve walked a certain distance. When my walking ability is affected, however, that actually makes me immensely determined and less willing to put up with nonsense. You likely won’t notice that, but I am not walking fast then and without a spring to my step and I know – but you won’t – that I can’t go any faster. I also take extra care when stepping over or onto things. The previous (first) time, this thing affected me much more, however. And that was when I confronted those meth heads who wanted to drag a driver out of his car. So, no worries. Really.

(Also, just about everything always affects my muscles, even hay fever. When I was in my early 20s, one of my colleagues told me that they’d stood watching me walk away the previous day, convinced something was seriously wrong. Well, that was 40 years ago.)

It would also be wonderful if the hacking actions could finally finally finally stop. I have another external HDD threatening to go on the blink right now because I am so often forced to throw the power off my equipment. It’s not solid state because I could not afford that. Please. These hacking disruptions where my screen breaks up and the whole lot freezes again are so stressful on my end,
not to mention immensely distracting.

To end this on a funny note, this reminds me of the time when a woman exclaimed “But Angie, you are not the active type at all!” and laughed. I was flabbergasted. For some reason, she’d never noticed the strider equipment that she had to walk around because it was behind my front door? 🙂

I think she said that after I mentioned running or mentioned a treadmill. Besides the strider, I also had an electric treadmill for a long time.

I started running – sprinting – when I was still in primary school and as a teenager, often also hung out on the moors and in the woods behind our house for hours (running and jumping a lot), cycled (also sometimes for hours) and rode horses. In my twenties, I picked up squash at some point (playing at Dicky Squash) and I also had a racing bicycle. Besides sprinting, I ran around the Bosbaan sometimes and around Sloterplas.

I loved squash, but haven’t played it since before I moved to the States. I sometimes played with others, but I also often booked a court for myself and then ran around as much as possible, playing against myself (no rules, and not using the fastest ball). You can really wear yourself out and work yourself into a good sweat that way. It’s wonderful. (Sometimes, a stranger may ask to join, of course, if you are on a court by yourself.) Colleagues Jaap and Ferry played squash and their enthusiasm was infectious. Soon, a few more of us were playing at Dicky Squash. That included me. We’d usually have a tostie (toasted cheese sandwich) and freshly pressed orange juice afterward.

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This is what it looked like when the hematoma was affecting me in September 2021:

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9 Jan: For the record, I currently (since the start of December) find myself occasionally oversleeping till 8:30 to 9, so don’t freak out if you don’t see me active at the crack of dawn. I’m (gonna be) fine. Promise. (Things are definitely improving.) Stuff needs to change, though, so I am making it change. Because I have to. Also, yes, I use blush, so my rosy cheeks are sometimes fake but also very often not fake. Things are improving. What I am mostly watching at the moment is what my pulse does after I have walked around in town for a while and then climbed the stairs. To make sure my heart does not do stupid things like beat at 120 pm for a long time. Nope, though I’m definitely out of shape. But I am also definitely starting to feel much better again!

By the way, you might not expect that, but horse-riding is pretty demanding. If you haven’t done it for a while, you always end up with very bad muscle aches all over and especially in your legs. I used to cycle to horse-riding, so besides riding a horse, I’d also be cycling for two hours (one hour each way, in hilly country). I was sometimes really knackered during my Saturday afternoons in my teenage years.

I remember one Sunday when I decided to go for a bike ride – I used to cycle quite a bit – and went pretty far but then got really really cold. Cycling back home again was very hard; I was so so cold! (That’s the trouble with cycling: you can’t just stop but still have to get home. I probably should have taken a Snickers or Mars bar with me, but that type of knowledge was still beyond me in those days.) My dad was very empathetic and made hot soup for me. He likely also turned up the heat in the house; he was often very caring, genuinely caring. I’d been away for 3, 4 hours.

22 January 2023: Doing a lot better, slowly getting back in shape. (The tinnitus is not gone yet, but I expected that to take a while.)