We have a theme going?

He’s just passed away, by the way, which is why I am playing this and because I don’t seem to have anything better to do at the moment. It’s not as if I can put my things in my car and drive off so that I can leave all the crazy people in the entire world and the messes they cause behind me. I so wish I could. I so wish I could have done that 18-20 months ago or at the end of 2019.

I used to play themes, on blip, a century ago.

You see, someone who has an idea to which someone else might reply “ma quale idea!” may have lost his way…

Europe has also lost its way in many ways relative to the UK, I now repeatedly find myself thinking, to my astonishment. I had not realized that things had changed this much over here, while I was away, and this badly. By contrast, the UK is now even turning a corner. (The Netherlands seems to be really godawful these days. Yikes. Crazy weirdos on my tail who pester me was the last thing I needed on top of that. I never liked the Netherlands much but I should have been able to make a living here for a while and then take off again. You can’t do that with a bunch of crazy weirdos on your tail. Just like in Portsmouth, so far, he’s or they’ve managed to sabotage just about everything again. Goddamn hackers. So much hate behind it all, so so so much hate.)

I used to feel home wherever I was, if I had to (as some places are still better than others), because home was inside me. Portsmouth took that away from me. What happened in Portsmouth filled me with fear too often and eroded my sense of security very badly. When the crap followed me out of Portsmouth and then started smashing everything to pieces in my next country too… goddammit. What is wrong with people who are THAT DESTRUCTIVE? What on earth is wrong with them? And is it fixable or not?

I need to be free, free from pestering, see only fresh faces and be only a fresh face for others for a very long time to establish a new baseline and a new life. I couldn’t believe that after five escape attempts I would have to flee again. I have to. I have no choice. . .

I want my life back.

He does not want to be IN my life. He does not want company. He does not feel lonely. He just wants to control every aspect of it and enjoy my powerlessness. And he wants to get angry with me and punish me when he feels like it and yell “nah nah nah nah nah”, hacker-style and “whore” and what not, manipulator-style, like the kids he used to send after me in Portsmouth when he no longer often could get any adults to pester me.

One time when I had kicked him out of my computer again, a kid walked up to me, crying, said that his mother had kicked him out of the house. A few hours later I ran into the kid again and it had all been just one big show. That sort of thing happened often too. Totally crazy. But the adults were worse. There was SO MUCH HATE behind it. Extremely unpleasant to be on the receiving end.

(The kids didn’t know any better, but the adults were after only one thing. My utter misery, and prolonging it as much as possible.)